Reading the books.

What is the point of this?

 

Low effort, easy reviews. The only thing they're good for is checking canon when I don't have the books nearby.

 

I'm officially entering a new phrase into the cliche phrases never to be used.

"And then he knew nothing."
or alternately
"And then everything went black."
or the compound original sounding for the English majors out there.
"And then everything went black and he knew nothing."

I am so sick of this phrase that end at least half the fic chapters on FF.net.

I rank it right up there with, "It went through him like a hot knife through butter." But to use that one properly you must pronounce butter as butta.

 

I hate Harry/Hermione, Harry/Ginny stories where Harry is made into a whipped pussy who worships Ginny/Hermione and says he isn't good enough for her while Ginny/Hermione is perfect with no flaws.

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Fics where Ron calls Hermione a mudblood and starts hating on Harry and even tries to kill him. I don't get why Ron is made into an evil git.

 

It is very simple, the people who write those stories are people who never had any friends. While they can imagine having a single one(girlfriend or not) it is beyond them to have more.

 

You know the standard childish reaction to not getting something you wanted is to either want to break it so noone else can have it or pretend as hard as you can that it was terrible and you never wanted it? You know how these characters are hormonal children?

It's pretty understandable that Ron would go "You got that meat pie I wanted. Well, I just wanted to trick you into picking it. I hate meat pies anyway and they're ugly and taste like skunk balls dipped in sewage." 10 seconds of waiting and he'd never have said it, but pride makes him refuse to take it back.

 

But that would be utterly out of character for him, I mean he's a bit of a tool sometimes, but he's not mentally retarded enough to immediately blurt that sort of thing out at his two best friends.

 

Fanon character appearances. For instance, you don't all have to write Harry as short just because the actor who portrayed him didn't turn out tall. There's nothing in canon AFAIK to indicate that he remained notably short past childhood. Or Voldemort having scaly skin, WTF is up with that? He doesn't get much more of a lizard man beyond the botched up nose and slit pupils. And I can't for the life of me figure out how come half the fandom came to believe Bellatrix has violet eyes. They're just described as dark, people. Dark, like, something boring like brown.

Also, "Alohamora". God, too many people do this. Do the characters casting this supposed spell wear wreaths of exotic flowers around their necks? No? Then it's Alohomora.

Re: Glasses. (Yes, you may call me Slowpoke.) They can be a terrible handicap in the magical world if the wearer doesn't have the sense to enchant them and their opponent has half a brain. Shatter the lenses and the shards will go right into their eyes; congratulations, duel won. It's a good enough reason to get Harry to switch to a less risky alternative in my book.

 

I think Harry being short comes from all those fics where they "realistically" portray the effects of the Dursley's neglect i.e. malnourishment.

 

In point of fact, Harry WAS short and even thought about it with annoyance at times, but gets much taller in the sixth book and is described as being "almost" his father's height by the seventh.

 

He was supposed to have grown a great deal after OotP though, to a decent height it might seem. There a few instances of Harry being described as "tall," or the same height as his "tall" father.

 

Trademark actions. Harry's trademark lopsided smile is the chief culprit, with Sirius trademark barking laughter not far behind. Recently read Tonks having a trademark braying laugh. Since when?

I've read the phrase so often I want to close the story every time I come across it now. Nobody has a trademark anything.

 

Dear lord do I hate short Harry. He's described as being tall and thin as an adult and is as tall as his tall father. Whatever that means.

I absolutely despise short protagnists. I fucking hate them. I don' care if malnourishment could of affected his height. Lets just assume he didnt starve to the point of being a midget. Fuck Daniel Radcliffe for being short.

I don't empathize wtih short characters. I'm 6'2, and I absolutely fucking love my height. Who wouldn't want to be tall, being short totally blows. I was 5'1 at the start of my freshman year in high school. I was one of the shortest kids at my school. It fucking BLEW. By the time I graduated I was over 6 ft, which is INFINITELY better. Nobody wants a short hero. Except other fucking short people, and who gives a shit about them, they are short.

On that note. I don't empathize wtih fat protagnoists either. Theres a Brent Weeks fantasy novel series The Black Prism and the main character is fat. He has fat guy problems, he gets sweaty and he's uncomfortable. When I read about him talking about his problems all I want to do is scream at him and tell him to quit being such a fat piece of shit and lose weight.

Short Harry is the same way. Everytime I read it I want him to go get some fucking tall person potion or something. Magic yourself some height and join the rest of the adults.

I don't mind if he's a bit short in school. It's those master of death fics where he's some tiny badass where he's like "I love being short, it makes me so quick at dodging and helps me at quidditch". Fuck you Short Harry, you're full of shit and wish you were tall.

If you are writing an adult Harry, make him 5'10. It's nice and vaguely somewhat tall. Everyone can get behind that height. If you're Harry is 5'6 and out fighting dark wizards, then do me a favor and have Voldemort put that pathetic twerp out of his misery.


Holy shit, that just went somewhere I didn't expect. /rant. No offense to short dudes...

...or fat ones.

 

What about the cloacal vent? You can't forget the cloacal vent.

 

To be fair, the spell is supposedly derived, IIRC, from the Hawaiian "Aloha," or "goodbye," and the latinate "mora," or "obstacle." Or some such. Understandable mistake.

 

Pet Peeve: Slytherin politics and other similar cliches. I can't stand the idea of 11 year olds acting like they know something about politics.

 

Acting like they know something about politics isn't all that unreasonable. Having it actually be true is, though.

 

What... The... Fuck.

As a 5 foot tall female, I tried not to take offense, I really did. But seriously? Fucking Seriously?

I have enough shit to deal with without jackasses like you to contend with. It's not like humans can control height. I would have no problem with my height if it wasn't for people like you making such a huge deal about it. Just because you are insecure about yourself doesn't mean everyone else is.

This is a fucking world of magic. Who fucking cares if he is short or not, you can still perform amazing things with magic. Actually being shorter makes you a smaller target to hit.

Either way, I dislike that he was smaller because of how the Dursley's treated him, but I could care less if he is short. I respect peoples' pet peeves but this rant just pissed me off. Short people are not worse than tall people and the fact that people think that annoys me to no end.

In other news, a pet peeve I have is:

Suddenly becoming "a little bit dark (but still good)" and murdering the Dursley's and getting away with it. I understand people hate the Dursleys, but out of character killing them off is just wrong. Plus, Harry would get caught.

 

Yeah, that rant was a bit weird. I can understand some characteristics being off putting in a protagonist, but height shouldn't really be that important. It barely comes up in most stories I see and I'm really missing the point.

Being shorter means his magical core is smaller and thus he can do less magic. That's why Hagrid is actually the strongest wizard in the books. Obviously.

 

Heh, good one.