Only the Sith deal in absolutes.

I don't think they should eschew saying things like, "Oh god!" or "Jesus Christ!" or what have you, just because they're a witch/wizard now, but I also don't see why they wouldn't throw in the occasional "Merlin!"

It doesn't take long for people to pick up new sayings, unless they're consciously resisting them, and slang moves faster than ever in today's connected world. Harry and Hermione were introduced to the Wizarding World at 11 and 12, respectively; at that age they're even more likely to adopt bits and pieces of the new slang they're hearing all around them.

I think that, realistically, their slang/idioms would be a mixture of both, unless they were in a situation where upholding the Statute of Secrecy is an issue.

Also, as I've stated here before, the Weasleys are constantly using "God" and similar religiously derived exclamations in canon, so it goes both ways.

I'm not sure why people think wizards don't use religious language, nor why they think people entering Hogwarts as children wouldn't ever, even occasionally, use wizard expressions. That strikes me as being deliberately stubborn... or dense.


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Referencing Doctor Who in scenes with Barty Crouch Jr.
Please. Just stop it. I get meta humor, but in this case it's just... not funny. Especially if the tone of your story is serious. If you're playing it straight, and then you have Barty or Voldemort make a Doctor Who reference because, haha, it's the same actor... ugh. No. Even if it were funny in a comedic context, in this case you're sabotaging the tone of your own story.

--

People who write 'Mrs.' when they mean 'Miss.' Doesn't it sound strange to them when they have Dumbledore referring to, say, a twelve-year-old girl, with a married woman's title?

Hermione is not "Mrs. Granger." Ginny isn't "Mrs. Weasley."

Harry isn't Mrs. Malfoy...

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People who write "image" when they mean "imagine" (whether it's in a story or not).

"Duh, like, just try to image a world where everyone could grammar good."

--

"Right answer."

I'm tired of this cliché, usually dispensed by a girl or her parents to some guy who, apparently, was being 'tested.' What. The Fuck. Ever.

I'd laugh my ass off if someone did this to a guy in a story, and the guy immediately replied, "Wrong answer," and then walked away, because he decided he didn't like every fucking conversation with his girlfriend being some unannounced test of character or a battle of wits. "Oh, you're judging me? Well, maybe I should be judging you. Constantly. How does that sound?"

--

People who credit Snape with creating the Wolfsbane potion.

• We were given a canon name for the creator of this potion: Marcus Belby's uncle, Damocles (presumably Damocles Belby, if the surname was omitted because it was 'a given').
• Snape seems to hate werewolves and probably has done at least since Sirius nearly got him killed by Remus. Why would he invent a potion to help them? He didn't even like brewing it for Remus in PoA and only did it on Dumbledore's say so. (You're going to say money, right? He just wants those fat stacks of galleons Remus and the other werewolves seem to be rolling in, I guess... :facepalm)

--

People who write "okay" as "ok" in stories. Firstly, if you're going to write it as a two-letter word, it should be O.K.. Secondly -and this is the more important issue- these people inevitably end up having one character respond to another with a long, drawn out "okay" in a sarcastic or unsure manner. But, since they're normally writing it as two letters, ok, they draw it out by writing it as "ooooook."

Um, take a look at that word, please. How would you pronounce that word?

Ook.

Like... fuckin' monkey noises. "Ook, ook, ook! Oooook! Me Tarzan; you moron."

People know to read "ok" as "okay" because they're used to it, but when most people see "Ooooook" they're going to read it as a long "ook" then have to stop and think about it, then reread the sentence with the right pronunciation. It's stupid, really, because it doesn't remotely look the way it's pronounced. Instead of an "oh" sound, it has an "ooh" sound, and instead of a "kaaaay" it has "k" or, even worse, "kkkkk." It's just wrong all the way around.


When people see a long "okaaaaay" or even, to an extent, "ooookay," they more or less read it properly the first time, because it is much closer to a phonetic spelling than "ooooook" or the impenetrably asinine "okkkkkkk" could ever hope to be.

Blah.

--

"Voldemort Lite"

I hate it when stories introduce a new dark lord or a new death-eater-style group in the epilogue or the last two chapters of a story, and said enemy tries to kill Harry, or kidnap his kid(s), or his significant other (with a random terrorist event, possibly at King's Cross on September 1st, being an outlier scenario). It's almost always lame.

I'm not even sure what purpose it's supposed to serve. To make Harry work for his happy ending? Newsflash, he's already done that: It was called Voldemort and the death eaters. So, if that's not it, what's the point? That there are no happy endings? Not exactly cool when you tack that shit onto what was otherwise a fairly casual fic (this is especially true if this last enemy maims or disables Harry in some way that will affect him for the rest of his life - or worse, flat out kills him just when you think he's going to be able to live his life).

And, of course, part of the reason this shit falls flat is because it's the last one, maybe two, chapters. You're not going to create an entirely new enemy in the last two chapters and have anyone give half a shit over it. The background won't be there, reader investment won't be there... and unless you're writing gazillion word chapters, the word-count won't even be there.

And they're almost always set up as being a Voldemort-level (if an individual) or death eater-level (if a group) threat. Which seems tacky if you just had them appear out of nowhere, and a joke if you tell us that the danger they pose is soooo deadly... only for Harry to turn around and beat them.

I'd say the point is to make him look like a seasoned bad-ass, but the thing is, what you usually end up with is Harry barely muddling through and nearly getting his shit kicked in, but at the same time beating the enemy too easily for them to look like they were ever a real threat.

Ugh. Like I said, it's almost inevitably going to come off as rushed, incomplete, and tacky. I don't like it.

 

That's a turn off for me in nearly every fic. Making references that they were played by the same actor is jarring. It simply doesn't need to happen.

 

Scene breaks that are actually the words "scene break", or any others, really. What's wrong with symbols?

Complete lack of scene breaks. I know it's a formatting issue sometimes that only comes out after posting, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't fix it.

Switching POVs within a scene. Grrrrrrrr.

 

Noting that you've changed POV view and to who.

 

This one gets me sometimes, I'll be reading one scene then head to the next line and it doesn't make any sense at all and it takes another 2-3 lines to realise that I've moved scene.

 

Prompted by the plot bunnies thread: When people treat Hermon like some kind of genius. Is she smart? Certainly, and she can do her reading and follow procedure. That's not in question for me, but a ten or eleven year old having any kind of serious and realistic grasp on hard sciences like chemistry and physics? Pft. Ridiculous. Maybe a basic understanding I could buy, but in the US they don't even start teaching chemistry or physics until high school (14 at the earliest) and even then most kids struggle with it. Are there exceptions? Of course, but especially those fields require some very complex logic that I don't believe you would learn from reading books at that age. I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, but the way I interpret Hermione's character is of traditional book smarts in the rote memorization style. Application should and seems to be her weak point in the characterizations I favor.

 

Sloppy prose and authors who fail to improve.

 

I think this is a really important character flaw that people like to ignore sadly.


Unrelated, Umbridge.

Not her character, though it too is often done poorly, no what I mean is how every other character handles her appearance. Soooo many stories that I have read have everyone constantly walking circles around her while she screams in rage and does nothing. While doing this everyone still acts as though she's a serious problem that could destroy everything for everyone at any moment. Occasionally she'll do 'something', or catch them doing 'something', and everyone acts like it's a huge deal even though absolutely nothing that really matters ever happens. Sometimes she'll introduce a new decree or something, which they all ignore anyway why are they so scared of her when clearly nothing she does has any impact on them whatsoever.

 

That would probably sum up the most popular authors on FF.net

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They just pump out the same shit time and time again.

 

I should probably post the next few chapters of my story, Taking Umbridge to the WbA.

 

...I'm scared.

 

Twin!BWL fics where Harry's parents completely forget about his existence because his twin is the BWL. It's really amazing how many stories like that exist, and they don't even try to be subtle about it. In some, they actually send him to the Dursleys, for f**k's sake, how can people see this as a realistic behaviour for them?

 

There's a few who get the title. Screw all of you others!

 

Twin!BWL fics actually used to be a Guilty Pleasure of mine. Now I can't stand them for a whole list of reasons:

1. James is always reduced to a 1-dimensional version of his Hogwarts days, ignoring the fact he matured after a while, became Head Boy, manages to win Lily's heart, and faced Voldemort just to buy his wife and child a little more time.

2. Lily inexplicably does a complete 180 and somehow becomes incredibly shallow, petty, and heartless. And even in Fics where she's slightly better than James, she still spends years either ignoring or abusing Harry.

3. The Twin is not only a carbon copy of the 1-dimensional James discussed earlier (hell, I've literally read fics where the Twin is called James Jr.), he's also a fat, lazy, arrogant bastard that might as well be a squib. Because apparently, it's not important to either make sure the Twin is capable enough to actually defeat Voldemort or give him a normal childhood. Just make sure he's a bigger spoiled brat than actual celebrity children.

4. Dumbledore Bashing, in this case with the fun outright Canon contradiction of Dumbledore allowing the Twin neither a normal childhood or actually training him to fight Voldemort (even though Dumbledore tried a hand at both).

5. Harry ends up cartoonishly abused/ignored, to the point where he is left with the Dursleys for no real reason whatsoever.

6. The Potters end up having another child, only to quickly ignore it. Seriously, why have more kids if you're just going to ignore them anyway?

7. Inevitably, someone (or a few someones) inexplicably notices Harry, learn Super-Magic from him, and occasionally become the Significant Other.

8. Also, Harry learns Super-Magic (which is itself a sin), and no one apparently notices or cares. And when they do, it's because he cheated or something and trying to steal the Twin's thunder.

I could probably list some more, but you get the idea.

 

Too many Twin!BWL fics use the Potters as ersatz Dursleys.

 

I also have a fondness for Twin!BWL stores. My favourite Potter family is of course how they're portrayed in Santi's fic. After that I can usually settle for a Harry that's suffered some unintentional neglect, nothing serious, just enough for Harry to know how highly valued his brother is.

 

Writers who can't tell the difference between 'to ensure' and 'to insure'. I've just started re-reading Lightning on the Wave's Sacrifices Arc, and I'm enjoying it as much as I always do...but she keeps saying insure instead of ensure. It's really getting to me.

(I also have this issue with emails from my area manager, which is only exacerbated by his haphazard approach to comma placement, which breaks up his sentences really awkwardly)

 

That's 3 million words IIRC. And I thought rereading Worm and Prince of the Dark Kingdom were ambitious projects.

 

Read the first two stories and the first 30 or so chapters (of 55) in book three in the last two days. It's not that bad.

 

Mary Bones.

When the head of the DMLE - Madam Bones- is used as a quick fix for any and all problems that Harry faces early in his life. I mainly hate it because its so overused and clichéd.