Title: A Darkened World

Author: sprinter1988

Rating: T for Teen

Genre: Friendship and Hurt/Comfort

Status: Complete, sonny jim.

Library Category: Dark Arts, apparently.

Pairings: Harry/Hermione at the end. Fucking Harmionian pants.

Summary: Hermione and Ron both leave Harry behind in the tent. Neither return, and were among the few to escape Britain when Voldemort took over. Years later, their daughter Rose has joined an ICW operation that tries to stop Voldemort's power from spreading beyond Europe. However things take an unexpected turn when she discovers what became of Harry Potter. Ron Bashing and Deaths.

FanFiction.Net

Well, I thought it was decent until just before the epilogue, which spoiled it for me. Decent writing, entertaining story. Still worth a read, imo.

4/5.

If you were wondering why my comments are so short, there's a reason I don't usually post in For Review.

 

So... I think we can all agree that the way this was written wasn't the best. The characterizations were average all the way through the fic and the plot was thread-bare at best. HOWEVER, I give this fic a 4/5 purely because of how the author approached the hallows in the last two chapters of the fanfiction. It was done in a way I had never seen before (such as the conversation between Harry and death), and the epilogue at the end of his life I found extremely cathartic in summing up the whole course of the story. Purely put, soldier through to the end. It's worth it.

 

The Hallows were very well done, although I would have liked a sinister twist to the title of 'Master of Death'. The fight became too easy after Harry became the Master of Death and I couldn't stand the epilogue either. 3/5.

 

I actually started reading this back on the day it was completed, but quit in annoyance after reading the author's note at the beginning of the third chapter:

He said the same thing in the author's note at the end of the first chapter. Now, the idea is perfectly fine -- if I recall correctly Harry was more than twice her age during the story, and I'm sure the author could have described plenty more reasons why they wouldn't work -- but the two characters still hadn't even met at that point! Maybe if he'd only mentioned it at the beginning I wouldn't have minded so much, but I'd rather be shown, not told.

Just a pet peeve, I guess, but one that made me move along. Maybe I'll give it another shot since the ratings aren't so bad.

 

Wait, an author writes a simple note that his marked two characters are not a pairing, just because there are shitloads of people who would send him a question even if there was no mention of both the characters in the first chapter, and it would have had to be done somewhere, and you're complaining about that?


What about saying something that is about the story and not the author notes, eh?

 

Not even worth the recycling bin. 2/5

 

The story opens with an overblown reworking of "It was a dark and stormy night," and the prose does not improve from there. As the author cannot be bothered to employ proper punctuation, I cannot be bothered to continue beyond the first chapter.

:facepalm

 

The story wasn't good enough for me to continue after being annoyed by that, I suppose? I figured A/N's that are spoilers for the story were fair game. Not to belabor the point, but I disagree about having to respond to that question publicly at all, and certainly not twice in a span of 2k words. If you make people leave more and more reviews asking about it and then angry reviews for not spoiling it, well, reviews are reviews.

I did get a little further, but I probably shouldn't have read these comments first. It's hard to get past Cheddar's observation that Harry had been alone for twenty years, yet had accomplished very little and still was able to open up to Rose. If he wasn't dead by then, he'd be insane.

Anyway, if it helps, I don't actually rate any stories yet.

 

I tried reading it, and in a way I wanted to like it, or at least get through it, but I lasted up to chapter five. Like Cheddar said, Harry should have managed to do more, or have been killed ages ago.
tbh, it looks like just another one of those making the friends pay for their betrayal but lacks the "look how awesome I am now" bit that they usually have.

1.5/5 rounded to 2 for not being completely awful but lacking in anything that made be feel even slightly engaged with the story.

 

I wonder.....Was Harry living in the same tent and wandering around in forests for 20 whole years without a soul to talk to?

That and the influence of the horcruxes, our hero should have turned into a complete lunatic, incapable of fighting a war.

 

TOLD YOU THERE WAS A REASON I DON'T POST FICS.

Also, there's an "Almost Recommended" thing? I didn't see that in the library. Otherwise I wouldn't have pulled an ip82.

 

The one thing this story did well in my opinion was demonstrate the effect of all the bad press Harry got from the Fudge/Scrimegour/Voldemort Ministries on his reputation internationally.

The rest of it is rather mediocre. I didn't quite buy into the premise of Harry being crazy on his own for two decades, nor was I interested in Harry and Hermione reconciling.

2/5

 

The concept was, well, unusual. Thats a plus on its side. The technical aspects of the writing were while not the best didn't cause me to rocket blood from my eyes. The only real problem with the thing is that it was rather bland.

3/5

 

Readable, but utterly dull. 2/5.

 

Wow...,

I was the only one who liked it, it seems. XD.

 

The story wasn't bad. It wasn't good either. While it has a few good points and a bad-ass MOD concept, there are too many fails in this becoming a 'good' story.

It was plainly average. Like Daphne Greengrass in canon. Just worth a mention.

 

I tried, I really did, but after the first chapter I put it down. Beyond the bold author's note within the first 5 paragraphs, the writing was poor. If I had to read one more thing about the abysmal night time woes, I was going to bang my head against my desk.

That's just the first paragraph. And that's the trouble with stories though. You have to grip the reader immediately. If I'm not satisfied now, I won't be later. Hook me! Weave a tale of intrigue, of power! Don't be droll, repetitive, or amateurish. If you are an amateur, start reading more. The best way to get better is to see how others do it. The best authors, in my opinion, are those who take what others have accomplished and make it into something more with their own ingenuity.

The second thing I couldn't stand were the run-on. Good lord! It was like reading political theory. Locke, Hobbs, Filmer they never knew when to shut up, granted though they did have a point to make at the end of their droll diatribes. This author however could have done much more to enhance his sentence structure.

While not badly worded, its a lot to take in without a breath of air. Condense! Be concise! None of this mumbojumbo!

All in all, I wasn't impressed. 2.5/5

 

...Really?

How delightfully awful. I struggled to read it up until this point, where it became too unbearable to continue.

The sudden text wall of poor exposition and the dramatic build up to the worst of ancient cliches made this a memorably terrible section of an otherwise unremarkable story.

2/5