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WIP A Practical Guide to Evil by Erraticerrata - T - Original Fantasy

Discussion in 'Original Fiction' started by DvorakQ, Apr 14, 2016.

  1. Ceins

    Ceins Second Year

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    Yeah, true that, but it does make me wonder why they didn't go with Blacks plan at the end of the revolution to just kill all the people opposing them.

    Being villains and winning a revolution it seems that the Story wouldn't screw them over that much.
     
  2. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    There are bits that I like - the zombie horse, the "necromantic abomination" bit, that Catherine is a pit-fighter and a barmaid.

    But I'm in the first book, 22, and I honestly had enough of the war games after the first bout. Like, it just wasn't digging for me. It works in Ender's game because well - you have time to get to know all the kids before they go to war. In this, she's just thrown into it. And so far, none of them really stick for me. It's also happening way too fast - I would agree it's too streamlined. There's definitely not enough poetic license; everything is straight and narrow. As soon as Catherine fights her first hero, she's off to war, then she's off to the high court -- like, it'd work as a skeleton of a story, but it's missing bits to really draw me in.

    I find myself mostly skimming this, especially since Black doesn't really interest me and Catherine is difficult to buy. She got this "overarching plan" to redeem the kingdom out of nowhere, really; it feels like false justification. She seems really self-centered so it doesn't make a lot of sense to me, like, I don't get the sense that she's misunderstood, like Black says they share in common. I think she's pretty "normal" and easy to get. I really wish the "Name vision stuff" had been handled better and extended further into the story, that metaphysical Good vs Evil stuff just isn't prevalent enough so far, which I think is what it's trying to go for but failing kinda hard for me because...there are so far almost no "good" characters for her to bounce off of. I'd welcome some conversations with that Catherine in White (or even the crazy black side of her), at least to deepen her character just a bit.

    I'm enjoying this enough to keep reading it, but I can't help but feel disappointed for how I think it could go. The bits I do like need an expansion on (like, what's the point of the zombie horse if she doesn't form a deeper connection with it? It's barely mentioned; what are the ramifications of using necromancy...nothing? Doesn't seem like it, she just 'smelled bad' or whatever for a little bit. And then her whole 'morality thing' just feels really forced and not drawn out enough). I can't believe I'm 2/3 through book 1 at this point when I don't really feel like it's built to any single theme in any significant way yet.

    Black is her main wall to bounce off of so far and while he's interesting enough I guess, it doesn't make Catherine very relatable. If Black were Darth Vader or something, I could get behind it, but he's not that interesting of a teacher; her war-game buddies aren't much to talk about yet, either.

    The one bit that really worked for me was her attraction to that girl - the one that got hanged for treason. That worked for me, I could get her feelings and the consequence of her actions from that, but the moment was really glossed over too quickly and the emotional backlash wasn't delved into enough.

    3/5, but I'll round it up to 4 for readability reasons. I might be being too harsh.
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2016
  3. Mutton

    Mutton Order Member

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    I quite enjoy it, but part of that is that Book 2 is way better. Book 1 stabs its pacing in the gut with the War Games arc which came out of nowhere, didn't fit, and felt like it was just trying to check off a list of YA stations to hit.
     
  4. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    I didn't understand what it was trying to achieve. The actual war in Book 2 makes sense. There are stakes that are serious. Why have a fake war? I knew nobody was really going to get seriously hurt in a fake war. Not in a way that actually mattered. It turned out to be even less interesting than I figured. There's no reason the war games in #1 couldn't have just been the real war kicking off early.

    Book 2 is definitely better than the first, at least so far for me.
     
  5. DvorakQ

    DvorakQ Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    So um the author has a patreon now.

    100 bucks a month = an additional chapter for the month
    350 bucks a month = 2x weekly update
    750 bucks a month = 3x weekly update

    Since its at 97 at the moment, won't some kind DLP'er chip in 3 bucks a month? ^.^
     
  6. Erandil

    Erandil Minister of Magic

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    I just read this over the last two days and while it certainly is an interesting story I have some issues with it. It`s less the unnecessary anime like school battle/scenes and more that for a story about "good" and "evil" there seems to be very little difference between those two sides (and if fact their roles often seem switched to me) as well as its inability to decide how serious a story it wants to tell (especially in regard to its villains). For my tastes its portrayal of evil has too many "cartoonish" elements which robs it of its impact and horror which clashes with its attempt to portray the fall of the MC in a "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" manner. Its evil either seems to be an cliched, over the top evil or a "it's necessary for the greater good" evil which in my eyes seriously detracts from the story.
     
  7. Mutton

    Mutton Order Member

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    I think you're getting it mixed up a bit; a huge part of the setting is that there actually is a "cartoonishly evil" faction who got beat out by the "realpolitik" faction, and the former is trying to claw its way back into power. They're both represented in the story but as a conflict, not a coherent whole.

    One of the interesting things to note is that this whole war is due to Cat's actions; she caused it on purpose yet Black isn't castigating her as he did to Heiress. I don't want to say that this is protagonist centered morality just yet but rather Black being a hypocritical human being (he likes Cat, sees himself in her, and loathes Heiress' faction) and that he could pull something useful out of the war while Heiress was just blue on blue.
     
  8. Nazgoose

    Nazgoose The Honky-tonk ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    Eh, iirc from his interlude,
    he knows fully well that Cat caused the war, but since one was inevitable and Cat leading their faction through it seals Callow's Good names it all works out in his favor. Heiress sicking a demon on the Fifteenth for political gain goes directly against that, so he's pissed at her.

    On another note, author broke the $100 mark, so we'll be getting some interesting chapters on the first Wednesday of each month now.
     
  9. George

    George First Year

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    It seems to me that you're trying to fit the story in a neat little box and it's not quite that sort of story.
     
  10. Erandil

    Erandil Minister of Magic

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    I get that but the thing is that in my eyes is this "cartoonish" portrayal of evil clashes with the more serious elements of the story. For me there is this disharmony between the more humoristic elements and the serious attempts (especially in regards to world building) of storytelling that in my opinion hurts the believability of the whole thing.

    Even more so since the "good" side seems to lack this element of caricature almost totally and instead seems to have very little actual difference towards the "realpolitik" faction.
     
  11. George

    George First Year

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    I dunno, I think the heroes ham it up a bit, and there are things like the Sands of Deception.

    Them clashing for you is a fair point, though.

    It does, to me, seem evocative of what mediums like comic books do with heroes and villains, though.
     
  12. Nazgoose

    Nazgoose The Honky-tonk ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    Updated.

    Black's endgame is revealed and the underlying Pattern of the Empire made clear. Good chapter overall, even if it felt a little short.
     
  13. Imraefi

    Imraefi Third Year

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    This is a pretty good interlude. I enjoyed the detail on Heiress' motivations and the revelation of Bard's abilities.

    Any thoughts on what shape Squire's loss is going to come in? I think that Black might die during the battle. That would be a sufficient loss for Catherine and a win for both the Lone Swordsman and Heiress.
     
  14. Zvohunter

    Zvohunter Third Year

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    Poor Cat is just a pawn, but Black being Black may have already anticipated this situation and wants to use this to break the pattern.
     
  15. George

    George First Year

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    With the conversation Cat and Black had about breaking the 'heroes always win' thing and Bard being like 'lol we've already won so hard' I don't really expect Cat to lose here. Could, of course, go either way, though.
     
  16. Nazgoose

    Nazgoose The Honky-tonk ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    I don't know.

    I'd love for them to wreck the heroes, but it would be odd to have Bard go to the trouble of delaying Black so he can't see that Cat and Heiress drew and have him laugh at it and just continue wrecking everything.
     
  17. fontisian

    fontisian Slug Club Member

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    Let's just hope Heiress dies.
     
  18. Nazgoose

    Nazgoose The Honky-tonk ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    Honestly as long as Heiress dies I think I'd be okay with the heroes escaping intact. They'll fall later, Heiress needs to die now.

    I did like her interlude though, especially the part where she says Malicia and Black are spitting on all the previous reigns, because they kind of are and that's what makes them such great characters. They're changing the old pattern into something much more sustainable for themselves, an actual win as Black said.
     
  19. George

    George First Year

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    Hm, might she go for a scenario where only one of Heiress and the heroes can win and let fate and whatnot decide which?
     
  20. Nazgoose

    Nazgoose The Honky-tonk ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    That... would actually be really interesting. She has two patterns of three heading towards defeat, but if she arranges things so that the heroes and Heiress have conflicting win conditions she could nullify at least one of those. Having them cancel out entirely would be a little disappointing though.