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WIP Consul of the Underworld: The Game Begins by Engineer4Ever - M - Hp/Percy Jackson

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Vesqu, Jan 19, 2016.

  1. Vesqu

    Vesqu First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    20
    Title: Consul of the Underworld: The Game Begins
    Author: Engineer4Ever
    Rating: M
    Status: Ongoing
    Genre: Adventure/Supernatural
    Words: 214,703
    Published: June 12, 2015
    DLP-Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: Alkaid/Daphne
    Link: Link
    Summary: A child of the Rich One rises. Wielding a smile masking a plotting mind. Carving a righteous but dark path through a world more vast and mysterious than ever imagined. In this game of gods and men, it's her time to shine. Fem!Harry.


    Alkaid Potter has been raised by Hades in the Underworld and attends to Hogwarts while trying to hide her godly parentage. The story breaks away from the HP canon mold pretty early, so it isn't just a standard canon rehash. It's one of the few fem!Harry fics that is not full of garbage.

    What I really liked about in this fic is how the HP and Percy Jackson worlds have been merged. Alkaid might come across Mary Sueish, but she's not perfect as the fic will show later on. The story features pretty orginal story arcs and it's definetely worth the read.

    4/5
     
  2. Atri

    Atri Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    364
    I tried to read the first chapter; I couldn't. It reads like a Potter fic from the 2000s -- and not one of the better ones. Perhaps some will like it -- I don't know -- but it's not for me, certainly.

    Also am not sure about the pairing. Femslash with fem!Harry/Daphne?

    The name's just silly. Whenever I read "Alkaid" I'm reminded of chemistry class in school.

    2/5 for effort. It's not really unreadable, but it's just not good.
     
  3. Alindrome

    Alindrome A bigger, darker mark DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,771
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    From the second paragraph:

    A little later:

    Oh, and when not in the underworld she spends her time in Holywood, apparently. Other characters fawn over her American accent.

    Let's see... She shows up the goblins... is super rich... buys a raven as a pet. Teaches the other gods about the merits of video games. She calls Voldemort 'Voldepants'. Oh dear lord.

    Can we all take a moment to appreciate just how tragically nostalgically indy!Harry this all is?

    All that said, it's not entirely without merit. The character voices are done quite well, and the writing (aside from the content) is pretty readable. But yeah - there's very little value in the story itself. The main character just solves all potential problems immediately and the story proceeds to fanwank over her for the remainder. I'm not exaggerating with this - I skipped forward to other chapters and it's present everywhere I look.

    I do think the writer has potential, but you won't find it in this story.

    1/5
     
  4. Newcomb

    Newcomb Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2013
    Messages:
    1,246
    Location:
    The Evergreen State
    oh my god.

    "The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid."
    Crow: You mean blood?
    Mike: Let's not jump to conclusions.

    The first sentence of this fic:

    lolno/5
     
  5. Rhaegar I

    Rhaegar I Death Eater

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Right behind You...
    At times like this, I don't mind when other Fics go with fairly unoriginal names for Fem!Harry like Harriet. At least that's a real name a real parent would name their real child.

    Why, why, can't someone write a good HP/Percy Jackson Crossover for a change? If I weren't so lazy and incapable of avoiding a Rehash, I would write my own Crossover just to show them how to do it properly. I even have an extensive backstory and a creative twist on the whole "Purebloods are all pagans" nonsense.
     
  6. Ptolemy XII

    Ptolemy XII Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2014
    Messages:
    7
    I'd give this a 2/5.

    I thought the writing style was very pretentious; that might just be me though. It's readable but I'm not really fond of the content of the story.

    I'm still not sure what the purpose of the first hundred words were other than to establish that the main character is acrobatic.

    It feels like the writer is just throwing in every single thing he/she thinks is cool.
     
  7. Celtic Bard

    Celtic Bard First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2016
    Messages:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    High Score:
    0
    This fic seems to be a remnant of a past where indy!Harry was not only a thing but also a norm.
    In my honest opinion this fic cannot be rated. If Elvis sang his same songs today, he would not be popular. And in the same way this fic cannot workout now.
     
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