DLP FIGHT CLUB​

The first rule of Fight Club- IT MUST BE EPIC!​

The second rule of Fight Club- SERIOUSLY. JUST EPIC.​

So yeah. I'm seeing if there are any interested people in participating in a 'DLP Fight Club'. This isn't the movie one- we're not smashing each other up. Rather, you will be given two characters from a series (I'd say Harry Potter, Dresden Files, Naruto, etc.), and you have thirty-minutes to write a 500 words scene in which those two characters fight.

​

Pretty much the 'Thank God You're Here' thread with a much more narrow scope.

​

You don't have to worry about plot.
​

​

You don't have to worry about characterization.
​

​

You don't have to worry about anything except having these two characters trying to belt the living shit out of each other.

​

Because of the difficulty in choosing fandoms that people know, the time limit, etc, etc, I imagine it's probably easier to set this up on IRC. If you're interested, pop on over. Otherwise, expect a challenger to appear sooner than later.

​

Adios.​

-

THE SHOWDOWN MASTERLIST​

• Severus Snape vs. Minerva McGonagall by Shezza [Harry Potter]
  
  
• Gilderoy Lockhart vs Narcissa Malfoy
  by Don E. Delivery [Harry Potter]
  
  
• Luna Lovegood vs Hermione Granger by The Erotic advetures of S. [Harry Potter]
  
  
• James Potter vs Lord Voldemort by AntHill [Harry Potter]
  
  
• HK-47 vs Dobby by MonkeyEpoxy [Star Wars / Harry Potter]
  
  
• Remus Lupin vs Fenrir Greyback by Shinysavage [Harry Potter]
  
  
• Harry Potter vs Otachi by Republic [Harry Potter / Pacific Rim]
  
  
• Albus Dumbledore vs Lucius Malfoy by AlbusPHolmes [Harry Potter]
  
  
• Amelia Bones vs Lord Voldemort by Peace [Harry Potter]
  
  
• Loki vs Lord Voldemort by Lyrium [Marvel Universe / Harry Potter]
  
  
• Hiccup Horrendous Haddock The Third vs Elsa by Republic [How To Train Your Dragon / Frozen]
  
  
• Darth Vader vs Severus Snape by afrojack [Star Wars / Harry Potter]
  
  
• Naruto Uzumaki vs Red by Zenzao [Naruto / Pokemon]
  
  
• Alastor Moody vs Death Eaters by Peace [Harry Potter]
  
  
• Master Yoda vs Albus Dumbledore by Republic [Star Wars / Harry Potter]
  
  
• Albus Dumbledore vs Heinrich Kemmler by Peace [Harry Potter / Warhammer]
  
  
• White vs N (Part 1) by Zenzao [Pokemon]
  
  
• White vs N (Part 2) by Zenzao [Pokemon]
  
  
• White vs N (Part 3) by Zenzao [Pokemon]
  
  
• 
  Albus Dumbledore vs Evil Dumbledore Part 1 by Stryker Eureka [Harry Potter]
  
  
• 
  Albus Dumbledore vs Evil Dumbledore Part 2 by Stryker Eureka [Harry Potter]
  
  
• 
  Darth Revan vs Lord Voldemort by Genghiz Khan [Star Wars / Harry Potter]
  
  
• 
  Arthur Weasley vs Lucius Malfoy by 9th Doctor [Harry Potter]
  
  
• 
  Fleur Delacour vs Bill Weasley (PWP) by Genghiz Khan [Harry Potter]
  
  
• 
  Bill Weasley vs The Mummy Part 1 by Zenzao [Harry Potter / Mummy]
  
  
• 
  Bill Weasley vs The Mummy Part 2 by Zenzao [Harry Potter / Mummy]

Thanks to Republic for this list.

 

MY BODY IS READY.

Bring it on, mongrels.

 

[HP] Severus Snape vs Minerva McGonagall

Fandom: Harry Potter

Characters: Severus Snape vs Minerva McGonagall

Challenger: Narf

Writer: Shezza


Authors Note: It’s been a long time since I’ve written a Harry Potter story, so hopefully this scene won’t come off as too ‘Naruto-like’. Also, it pasted in black and I can't find the default colour, so...yeah, live with white.


Professor Minerva McGonagall stood before the traitorous Headmaster Severus Snape. Her lips were pressed tightly together, her fingertips pinching the base of her wand, and her eyes flashed with righteous fire. She stood tall, prim and proper, wearing dark robes and properly-placed witch’s hat.

“Enough is enough, Severus!” she hissed, her nostrils pinched. She gestured sharply with her spare hand. “Leave now, while you still can.”

Snape eyed her coolly, looking wholly unconcerned with the older witch’s sudden appearance. The walls of Hogwarts shook as the remaining Professors battled against the forces of Lord Voldemort in an attempt to drive out the darkness from the magnificent catle once and for all.

“Lower your wand, Minerva,” he responded smoothly. In a single flourish, he produced his wand from seemingly out of nowhere. “This will not end well for you otherwise.”

“We shall see.” Minerva’s response came out more than a mere boast- it was a promise.

Snape exhaled loudly and gave a short nod. Then, quickly- almost too quickly for the witch to see- he flourished his wand. Something streaked forward with incredible force- McGonagall parried, there was a huge crash and the wall beside her was gouged as something invisible, sharp and heavy tore through it. Had that spell connected, Professor McGonagall would not have come out in any decent state of health.

The tapestries on both sides of the wall elongated, lengthening and falling to the floor. It rose up as if was some kind of serpent and attempted to wrap around Snape, yet the dark wizard cut through it with a single spell. As the tattered, fraying remains of the tapestry fell to the floor, the Headmaster sent forward a steak of dark crimson light wreathed with a hazy blue flame. McGonagall’s wand twitched and a nearby suit of armour snapped to attention. It dove in front of McGonagall and the spell struck it on the breastplate. With a high-pitched squeal and a torturous groan, the breastplate twisted and cracked, and the suit of armour fell to the ground-

- but then it changed, a dozen pieces of scrap metal becoming a dozen gleaming knives, and they rocketed forward. Snape twisted to the side, his wand flying up, and there was a loud clang- the metal struck a shimmering barrier of sparkling blue light and disappeared in a shower of sparks.

“I warn you,” Snape began. His voice was beginning to heat up. “Don’t do this, Minerva. You can’t possibly-“

McGonagall snapped her fingers and the tattered remains of the tapestries suddenly lashed out, They spooled around Snape’s ankles and tightened. Then they became giant links of chain, wrapping around the man, binding him from head to toe, leaving only a human-sized column of gleaming, dark metal. McGonagall was panting, but she stood there rigidly, finishing her masterful transfiguration work. Severus Snape was completely bound, and all that remained was his cloak as it fluttered to the ground.

There was a tinkling noise, the sound of glass clattering against a hard surface, and McGonagall paused. She glanced down and her eyes widened with shock. In a sudden, desperate move, the elderly witch swung her wand and the ground beneath her feet rose up to become a thick brick wall. The potion vial, released from Snape’s hand the instant he had been bound, continued to roll against the floor, and it clanked against the brick wall.

The noise reverberated around the hallway, seemingly lasting an eternity, and then the air around them turned dark. A terrible boom split through the air, a thunderclap of tremendous proportions, and white and blue forked lightning rose up into the air. The bottled Ball Lightning struck at everything near it, tearing through the ancient walls of Hogwarts, the hastily transfigured brick wall of McGonangall, and ripping into the roof. A pipe must have been struck as a wave of water fell to the ground, hissing and spluttering as forks of lightning tore through it with the same ease as it had torn through everything else.

It had only lasted a few seconds, but it had been enough time to shatter McGonagall’s defense- and in that time, Snape had unbound himself. He stood there in the ruined remains of the hallway, his back straight and his eyes dark and unfathomable. In one hand, he held his wand, and in the other, he held two potion vials- both uncorked. As Professor McGonagall stood up, her robes dirty with dust and bleeding from a small head wound, Snape hurled the two vials at her.

Despite her injuries, her wand whipped up and an impeccable Bubblehead Charm wrapped around her. An instant later, the vials exploded, and a fine white mist met with a cloud of small, glowing motes of yellow. They combined and the mist suddenly turned black and dirty. It slammed into McGonagall with the force of a train, but she stood firm, parrying the energy away from her and redirecting it upwards. Another large section of the roof fell to the ground, broken tiles and shattered wooden beams collapsing all around her.

It took her, a Master of Transfiguration, three spells what it would have taken an ordinary wizard half a day- and Albus Dumbledore half a second.

Bits of shattered wood around her shrunk and grew, becoming small, finely detailed wooden carvings of a menagerie of animals. Lions, tigers, elephants, dogs, cats- they were all present. The second spell washed over the figurines an instant later, and they grew in size, growing something that would fit into McGonagall’s palm into their more real-life sizes. They crowded the hallway, squeezing in with each other and pressing against the walls. The third spell brought colour into their forms, and in unisons the carvings took their very first breath.

As the mist began to clear, McGonagall brandished her wand towards Snape. She uttered no spell, but her intentions were clear, and, like an orchestra following the directions of the conductor, her transfigured army moved. They charged, letting out bellowing roars, screeches, howls and other assorted noises. They pressed up against one another, pushing and shoving, slamming against the shattered walls around them and tearing them down as easily as any of Snape’s spells had.

Snape, for his part, froze for a single instant. His dark eyes, usually so difficult to read, showed a brief flash of astonishment. It was gone in an instant. His wand blazed forward and the first animal in the line, a snarling wolf, exploded in a shower of wooden shards. Three more were destroyed a second later, Snape flourishing his wand in a silent, devastating slicing curse of some kind. Fire enveloped the largest of the animals, and the elephant roared in facsimile agony as it was burned from the inside, smoke pouring from every orifice in its body.

From the nine animals that charged down at him, only two managed to reach him. The first, a small nimble cat that had avoided most of the spells, latched onto his leg. Snape grunted, swinging his leg around even as he desperately tried to parry the devastating blow of a huge, angry grizzly bear.

 

Defffinitely interested.

 

Give me one and I'll get started straight away. This sounds awesome. I'd prefer HP but if you wanna throw something else in the mix I'll do my best. Not an Anime fan.

 

Alright, do this:

Fandoms: Harry Potter

Characters: (Competent) Gilderoy Lockhart and Narcissa Malfoy.

 

I don't do IRC, but give me a challenge anyway. I'm good with Naruto, Dresden Files, Potterverse.

And when I get more thumbs, two are going straight to Shezza.

 

[HP] Gilderoy Lockhart vs Narcissa Malfoy

The bookstore was becoming unreasonably crowded, but Gilderoy Lockhart was pleased all the same. Many a great wizard and witch had come to greet him and see the world's best smile in all of its radiant glory. Lockhart preferred to think of himself as an entertainer first and a wizard second. Possibly a good fiction novelist as well, he thought.

He read from the book in front of him dutifully, but kept glancing around the room ever so often. While the Walla Walla Werewolf had been a figment of his imagination, he had many opponents in the literary world, as well as his fair share of enemies. Unfortunately, one of his greatest adversaries had just entered the room.

Lucius Malfoy was too busy fighting with Arthur Weasley outside the store to notice his wife creeping slowly past the line of eager students. Lockhart made eye contact with the witch, Narcissa Black, who was one of his schoolmates (with a particularl emphasis on the word 'mate') while at Hogwarts. He would recognize her determined, half-smile, half-snarl from a mile away.

Lockhart had been particularly gifted with magic of the mind, and in one of his weaker moments, he had attempted to erase his girlfriend's memory of him cheating on her with a common bar maid. Of course, Rosmerta's rose bush had been a welcome release after the stress of Gilderoy's 7th year -- a necessary evil at the beginning of a life time of dark and depraved deeds. Despite being called a 'mind rapist', he didn't regret what he did, except that he was caught.

Narcissa was no fool. In fact, she was a supremely capable Occlumens, even at the age of sixteen. Gilderoy was tempted to look away, to go back to his reading, but suddenly, he felt the force of a frieght train crash into his brain.

Legilimency, he thought, amused despite the pain. No doubt she still remembers...

A voice echoed in his mind, unmistakeably tinged with triumph. "Are you ready?" she asked, before letting lose with a wild, uncontrolled burst of spellfire that lanced through his hastily raised shield. Unfortunately for Narcissa, they were both embroiled in a battle inside of Gilderoy's mind, and for this reason, Lockhart had the upperhand.

With a thought he appeared behind Narcissa, surprising the shade of the woman. "Always," Gilderoy intoned, his body already doubling in size. A gargantuan Gilderoy Lockart stood above Narcissa Malfoy, who moved with an agility she'd never acheived in life, swirling around the giant-sized man like a swarm of bees. Distracted, the giant's massive foot just barely missed stomping on the woman, and he howled with rage as his skin was continually pierced by Narcissa's quick-thinking.

"We'll see about that," she thought, though her voice rang out in the infinite darkness. They could only see each other in the void, and this thought gave Gilderoy a brilliant idea. Smoky fog filled the area, swirling around Narcissa and removing the now reasonably-sized man from view. A labyrinth of thick limestone walls appeared, trapping Narcissa, who was momentarily stumped by the manuever. Above her, fire rained from the sky, aimed directly for her location. In a flash she was flying, having imagined that she was a bird.

The crow escaped with all of her feathers intact, and then immediately morphed into an Erumpent, which ran head first through the rock walls around her. It was just seconds before Gilderoy was revealed, kneeling with no wand in his hand. As if he needs it, Narcissa thought, just seconds before all the rock was swept into the air and banished her way. She leapt to the side, but still felt her face and arms blasted with rocky shrapnel.

In just like that, they were both back in the bookstore. Gilderoy had barely lost his breath, but Narcissa was panting like she'd just run a marathon. She Apparated away with a snarl, and Gilderoy paused for a time, gazing out at the spot where she had been standing.

"Why did you stop?" someone asked politely, smiling at him. He noticed it was a seventh year Gryffindor and decided to wink at her, sending her into a fit of giggles that gave him the time he needed to get his mind together. Malfoy and Weasley were still fighting, so no time had passed at all.

"Sorry," he enthused, flipping through a few pages in the book. "We'll resume from Chapter Nine, Albi the Albanian Dragon..."

 

And that was that. Awesome.

Competent!Lockhart is always such a lovable scumbag that you can't help but to root for him, if only to see what outrageous thing he does next.

 

The Senior Council vs The Lords of Outer Night.

 

This is extremely tempting...sign me up - I can do Potter and Dresden, maybe some DC/Marvel.

 

You, sir, now have my attention. Colour me intrigued.

 

I would volunteer for HP against you, but I think I'm already writing that.

Anyway, I have an array of fandoms I would probably be up for. Naruto, HP, Marvel, DC, LOTR, various smaller ones that you can suggest, some MTG of late, Worm too...

 

@Roarian

Lord Voldemort vs Doctor Strange

Wait, oops. Don't think we're supposed to cross fandoms.

 

And why the heck not?

To whoever wants it, I propose a stunner:

James Bond versus Ethan Hunt (from Mission: Impossible).

 

Screw it, I'll take a challenge.

I'm good with HP, Dresden, Worm, Discworld, Warhammer 40k, LotR and an untold number of RPGs and films.

 

I'm always up for a challenge.

 

I'm in, I'm good with HP, Dresden, Gundam, DC, and Minecraft

 

Green Lantern vs Dumbledore? I admit I don't know a lot of the DC universe though so I don't know how fair is the match

 

How about the Nameless one vs Lord Voldemort?