1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Complete First Try - Lucillia - Naruto

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by TheWiseTomato, Jun 17, 2011.

  1. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    1,865
    Location:
    The Playhouse
    This is incorrect.

    Sasuke started his descent into becoming the giant dickbag that he now is right around the time he started really seeing Naruto as an equal or even a superior - right after he defeated Gaara.

    Sure Sasuke says that he wants to fight Naruto in the finals, but personally I don't think that Sasuke had even the slightest bit of doubt that he would hand Naruto's ass to him. After Naruto beat Gaara and Sasuke began to feel inferior is really where the change began. Itachi's interest in Naruto just compounded it.

    In this fic, Naruto is always superior to Sasuke, and Sasuke begins to mistakenly believe that Naruto has been toying with him all along. It's the same sort of thing we see in canon Sasuke, only with an earlier onset due to the canon changes in this story.
     
  2. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    1,865
    Location:
    The Playhouse
    All you've shown is that, at that point in time, Sasuke's friendship with Naruto is stronger than his feelings of jealousy - not that they aren't there. I was simply pointing out the beginning of Sasuke's jealous streak with regards to Naruto.

    In First Try Sasuke and Naruto never develop any bonds of friendship, so there is no buffer there to mitigate Sasuke's jealousy.
     
  3. KaiDASH

    KaiDASH Auror DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2010
    Messages:
    612
    Location:
    Australia
    Except a majority of the bashing going on in First Try:2 isn't even based on the Naruto:Sasuke dynamic, just Kakashi bemoaning about what a stuck up spoiled brat he is. Or other characters going on about Sasuke taking advantage of every advantage he can get (ie: 'stealing' moves) like a good little ninja.
     
  4. Psychotic Cat

    Psychotic Cat Chief Warlock

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2009
    Messages:
    1,522
    At it's core Sasuke's problem was never being jealous of Naruto.

    The problem is, Sasuke doesn't know about the Kyuubi granting Naruto strength.
    All Sasuke knows and all he can know is that Naruto is growing faster than he is.

    Now if Sasuke isn't even growing in strength as fast as Naruto how on earth could he expect to be advancing enough to ever make any progress in killing Itachi?

    Sasuke's problem is his own insecurity and right as all these thoughts are really taking hold. Itachi returns looking for Naruto and shows that if he wants to he could butcher the people Sasuke cares about and Sasuke would be no more able to stop him than he was the first time.
    Then Itachi mind rapes him again.

    But this is too complex for most people to bother thinking about.
    Having your whole family and everyone you care about slaughtered by your idol isn't a real problem.
    Sasuke's just a whiny emo kid.
    Having said idolised big brother use magical mind torture to force you to witness him doing it doesn't leave psychological damage.
    Sasuke's just a jerk.

    edit
    It's not stealing, it's harmlessly making a free copy.
    I say Sasuke should be commended for his efforts to put an end to the hate and embracing his pirate brothers.
    Like all the people who steal manga.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2011
  5. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    1,081
    Location:
    The Nevernever
    Eh, whatever motivations he may have had, canon and most fanon Sasuke acts like a total dickbag, and even if I can understand where he's coming from that doesn't mean I have to like him.

    On topic, this latest chapter did not interest me at all. I don't know what it was, but It didn't do anything at all for me.
     
  6. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2009
    Messages:
    957
    In regards to First Try: Team 7

    I'll be honest. At first, the whole radio-talk-show-interlude was pretty neat. Now it's just getting old. Of course, there's the possibility that stuff in the newest chapter could lead to actual events and not just more filler, but it's still pretty meh.
     
  7. Ceebee

    Ceebee High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    May 5, 2009
    Messages:
    548
    First Try was mildly interesting, though I always thought that the majority of the characters made nonsensical/illogical deductions that detracted from the narrative. If I were to rate it, I'd probably give it a 2.5 or a 3 out of 5.

    First Try: Team 7 is a non engaging piece of junk that is not sure of what it wants to be and has a rapidly shifting perspective that compounds the fail. Following canon quite strictly and then making silly changes (Zabuza, Haku, who gives a fuck about them?) before moving on to follow canon strictly again is a definite mark against it. A 1 or (maybe) 2 out of 5 story.
     
  8. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Messages:
    1,081
    Location:
    The Nevernever
    Eh, I want to disagree, since I liked the premise of the original so much, but you're so right. If only...
     
  9. KaiDASH

    KaiDASH Auror DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2010
    Messages:
    612
    Location:
    Australia
    The original was pretty reasonable - good idea and the style wasn't so grating when all the changing scenes were either Naruto pov or directly about Naruto.

    Now it's just a canon + lol changes mashup with excessive bashing (multiple pov's in the same chapter all bashing Sasuke is excessive) and too many pointless scenes (there are chapters full of pointless scenes)
     
  10. Tasoli

    Tasoli Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,242
    Location:
    Behind the keyboard
    Problem about Sasuke comes from canon itself. In canon Sasuke copies Lee's using Sharingan and every body prises him for it says how much of a genius it was and that all of that nonsense. Later Naruto crates a combo inspired by Sasukes move everybody says he copied Sasuke therefor he is inferior.

    This part made a lot of reader enemies of Sasuke an it only grew from there.
     
  11. Greener

    Greener Sixth Year

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    184
    Location:
    Toronto
    Lucillia posted the second chapter in a First Try AU:

    Title: First Try Team 7: Divergence
    Author: Lucillia
    Rating: K+
    DLP Category: Naruto
    Pairing: None listed
    Status: WIP
    Summary: If a situation can go both ways, it will. At every crossroads, a new universe is formed, and a person will always take the road not taken, even if they never see themselves do it. Tsunade makes a different choice, and there are consequences.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7275090/1/First_Try_Team_7_Divergence

    I'm guessing that she got bored with the direction the previous one went - in this one Tsunade does something that leaves Konoha needing to look elsewhere for a Hokage (and they don't pick one of the usual suspects). It's too early to see how good it'll be, but the first two chapters are promising. Anyways, mostly FYI for those that liked the original.
     
  12. Tasoli

    Tasoli Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,242
    Location:
    Behind the keyboard
    Yes It looks more promising than other story. That was boring.
     
  13. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,379
    Location:
    The South
    Just found via Filtered Fanfiction search and then realized it was already here...

    At any rate, I quite like the first story in this "series" -- First Try. My only real complaint is that Naruto seems less... crazy? hyperactive? than in canon, but it could be explained by the people he's around and the fact that he is two years younger than canon. Graduating early and getting into a Genin Team with people he doesn't know and who don't know him (and are two years older) might have actually been this good for his development.

    Naruto's Sensei doesn't appear to like him at first, but has his reasons for putting up with Naruto anyway, and he's professional about his duties. It gradually leads into forming a reasonably good relationship with Naruto. He's also reasonably well done for an OC. Naruto's teammates are... well, they're OCs, but I can't really say much about them. They aren't Mary/Gary Stu's but it's not because they're written well, it's because they're barely written at all. It works though.

    So for the first story, I give it a 3.5 rounded up to a 4/5 I guess. I'd have liked a lot more of it and more details on what we did get -- things seemed to happen over time, which is understandable, but without us really seeing them happening. Hard to explain, but I guess it could be simplified as "things are told, not shown."

    Then I started trying the other stories labelled as "First Try." There's a one-shot that takes place during the first story, but it's 3/5 at best. Not enough focus on Naruto.

    The First Try Team 7 Divergence story is what I checked out next, as it's the shorter of the two sequels. The divergence point is later though -- in the Find Tsunade Arc -- so reading it next is pointless and there isn't much Naruto in it yet anyway.

    The original sequel -- First Try: Team 7 -- is not the best thing ever but it doesn't suck. Sasuke assuming that Naruto was just stringing everyone along and tricking them on purpose with his skills at the Academy is irritating, but then I guess Sasuke is irritating in general in canon.

    But in the end, it's mostly just a lot of canon rehash going on with a few changes thrown in. As in the first story I feel as if we are told instead of shown a lot of it. This one I'd put at 3.5/5 as well but round down this time to 3/5 -- it doesn't have the originality that the first story had to bump it up to a 4, but the writing quality is similar.

    Edit: Holy shit, Author has written 228 stories for everything from Animorphs to StarTrek: The Original Series, Harry Potter, Dresden Files, and various Manga.

    I'd love to see what this author could do if they'd focus on something given the decent quality of the fics I just read. If they can write a story of this length that is rated a 3/5 while writing that much other stuff... there's potential, but damn.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  14. Cjonbloodletter

    Cjonbloodletter Professor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2007
    Messages:
    472
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In Lord Jabu Jabu
Loading...