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Harry Potter and the Dark Lord's Blessing by Drake - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by ip82, Dec 23, 2005.

  1. darklordmike

    darklordmike Auror

    Mar 14, 2009
    Where The Lemonade Is Made
    This fic is bad, but I kept reading because of the sheer volume of WTF moments.

    The premise is that Voldemort possesses Quirrell completely in PS, after inexplicably deciding that he doesn't want to kill Harry. Instead, he basically turns Harry and 11 other girls into his apprentices. Quirrell here is basically an OC invention of the author, because he doesn't bear any resemblance to either the Quirrell or the Voldemort of canon. Nor does there appear to be any evil plot involved. The Dark Lord gets turned into an avuncular, kind professor who treats everyone with respect and takes everyone to quidditch games. It's just bizarre.

    Chapter One, which is massive, focuses on a series of boring, repetitive rituals to power-up the kids. They're performed in the nude, and we have the makings of later Harry/Harem. Midknight already pointed out the stupidity involved in one of the rituals:

    Gods and goddesses. Extra-dimensional creatures. Uh-huh.

    Chapter two features even more boring rituals, and a long sauna scene that borders on child porn. Harry and a bunch of 11-year-old girls sit around and talk about masturbation, pregnancy, penetration, and everything else under the sun, though their actual messing around occurs 'off-screen.'

    Dumbledore gets ousted from the Wizengamot and ICW for withholding Harry's mail from him, then gets kicked out of Hogwarts after the Dursley's abuse is discovered. He's almost totally absent from the fic, giving Quirrell full-reign in Hogwarts. And still the cuddly Dark Lord bears Harry no ill will, even after he learns the prophecy.

    Chapter three really brings the lulz. It's the yule break, and Harry goes home with the Grangers. Dan and Emma Granger. At one point Dan asks 11-year-old Harry if he's diddling 11-year-old Hermione, and Harry admits to it. Being the cool dad that he is, Danny Boy says 'have fun and be careful.' What a guy.

    Then there's a trip to Gringotts, in which we learn that the goblins hate Hagrid because he's a carrier of teh magical super AIDS:

    LOL. Now I'm always going to picture Hagrid surrounded by a cloud of diseased air.

    Let's see, there's also a snowball fight with Grandma Beverly at the Granger residence, and the story is abandoned just after Dark Lord Cuddly takes Harry and Hermione to a quidditch game.

    2/5 - it's boring as hell, but it made me shake my head in wonder several times
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2009
  2. ChaosGuy

    ChaosGuy Auror

    Aug 21, 2009
    Wait, what would being the heir of Arthur even give you? Camelot is gone, Caliburn destroyed, Excalibur is in a lake and the sheath is lost, so what would you even get?
  3. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Nov 5, 2007
    Bragging rights.

    Greatest wtf!fic ever.

  4. ChaosGuy

    ChaosGuy Auror

    Aug 21, 2009
    Yeah... considering how the legend of King Arthur ends... not much bragging rights there.
  5. Schrodinger

    Schrodinger Supreme Mugwump

    Feb 5, 2009
    You get to say... "Well, you may be magically gifted, and have an IQ that far surpasses mine, but... MY ANCESTOR'S SWORD IS RUSTING IN A FUCKING LAKE! EAT THAT!"
  6. Clerith

    Clerith Supreme Mugwump DLP Supporter

    Jan 7, 2008
    I...I... remember really liking this way back when, and even reading it again. Ugh.

    I'm still giving it a 3/5 though, despite being brainless drivel. It was somewhat enjoyable.
  7. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

    Dec 17, 2007
    Would have been a decent Guilty Pleasure, if not for a lack of conflict, Evil!QuirrellMort and continued updates.

  8. bloodyseraphim

    bloodyseraphim Squib

    Jun 28, 2009
    i stopped about a quarter of the way through the first chapter. it's a very interesting story, but the way the author develops was really poor. when quirrel is teaching them, it seems that the author has forgotten this is actually voldemort in disguise. quirrelmort several times says things like "what i'm teaching you here is to fight against a dark lord, not to become one," and stuff like that. with that kind of talk, there is no way that the children would convert to his side when the time comes.

    3/5 for not thinking things through properly.
  9. trinkle28655

    trinkle28655 Squib

    Mar 12, 2007
    anybody know where i can find a copy of this story
  10. lopeck

    lopeck Third Year

    Oct 22, 2013
    Thisseems to be it.