1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

WIP Harry Potter and the Hallowed Lady by TrunkMonkey

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Skeletaure, Apr 29, 2017.

  1. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    2,819
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    13,152
    Title: Harry Potter and the Hallowed Lady
    Author: TrunkMonkey
    Rating: T
    Words: 50k, WIP
    Pairings: Harry, Hermione, (Fleur?)
    Summary: In his fourth year at Hogwarts, Harry gains control of all three of the Deathly Hallows. As the master of Death herself, Harry finds himself aided by a willing and powerful servant who radically alters the path he carves through history.

    Link: https://fanfiction.net/s/12337987/1/

    On mobile so I'll be brief: give this fic a try. It's pretty decently written, gripping, and novel. The "mystery" is a bit obvious but comes with a real sense of threat and peril which is a refreshing change for this type of story.

    Its main two flaws are things come a bit too easily for Harry (particularly in terms of getting around while he's supposed to be in school) and the pacing is a bit rushed, but in a fandom of never ending summers that isn't the worst sin. The other main flaw is probably the extent to which outlandish story elements are just accepted without question.

    Still, a solid 3/5, possibly even a 4/5 if you consider it relative to the rest of current fanfiction. Currently on chapter three so can't say what happens after that.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2017
  2. Odran

    Odran Fourth Champion

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2013
    Messages:
    3,186
    Good fucking Lord, this is awful. It's a 2/5 at the most and I'm tempted even to lower that to a 1/5.

    Not only is the premise itself absolutely ludicrous, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.

    Disregarding the author's twisted attempt at novelty with an old and unwelcome cliche, Harry having a go at it with Dumbledore and actually escaping unscathed, more or less? No.
     
  3. Caledfwlch

    Caledfwlch Sixth Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    182
    Location:
    Avalon
    I agree with Odran. 2/5.

    Ignoring the biggest two problems - Dumbledore being the real Dark Lord and Death as an attractive girl that kisses Harry with selectively useful plot-related powers - there's too many points where the story is implausible.

    McGonagall somehow convinces people that Harry owning a pet dragon is a good idea in two sentences. There's a convenient letter from Riddle to Dumbledore discussing their plans that Aberforth just hands over. The entirety of the interactions between Fleur and Harry. The way Harry approaches people when trying to convince them that Dumbledore is a Dark Lord. The fact that the Ressurection Ring had no protections other than what was on the ring itself at the Gaunt house. Hermione's contrived 'betrayal' of Harry.

    And what sense of great peril are you talking about? Dumbledore seems fine with letting Harry run around plotting.
     
  4. Scott

    Scott Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    413
    Location:
    Texas
    So I clicked the link and it said it was unsafe to proceed (hackers warning from google). So I manned up and proceeded anyway and its a dead link. Going by the first 2 reviews maybe I've been saved from something horrible?
     
  5. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2009
    Messages:
    2,059
    Location:
    UK
    High Score:
    2,296
    So...

    the dragon is enraged by being chained up and imprisoned, but is perfectly happy to be shrunk to the size of an owl, if not smaller, and stick around as Harry's pet? That seems inconsistent.

    The writing's solid enough, I suppose, but the pace is ridiculous. The first chapter alone covers the first task, Harry breaking into the Ministry, the Yule Ball, plus various character moments and the initial revelation of (one of) the big twist(s). That's a lot to get through in what I assume is about ten thousand words (five chapters, total just over 50K). Although I suppose it helps that Harry barely faces a challenge in his endeavours.

    That said, the thing that finally made me roll my eyes and click out was the start of Unnecessarily Bitchy!Hermione and her apparent attempt to play Ron and Harry against each other, mixed in with what looked to be the early stages of some Ron bashing.

    At best, I'd say this could be a guilty pleasure/bland time waster.

    Also, on some admin notes, it's not actually by TrunkMonkey but by a friend of theirs called sylessae - published with permission, apparently.
     
    Sey
  6. Odran

    Odran Fourth Champion

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2013
    Messages:
    3,186
    It's not just you, something about the link (the lack of www. I presume) that Taure provided causes that to pop up for me as well. Here, if you still want to read it: Harry Potter and the Hallowed Lady
     
  7. Scott

    Scott Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    413
    Location:
    Texas
    I couldn't get past the first chapter. Taure most of been drinking to read this crap.
     
  8. Verovir

    Verovir Disappeared

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2017
    Messages:
    37
    High Score:
    0
    It's that "s" in https. If you delete it, it suddenly works. As for the story, the whole shrinking dragon thing put me off. Dragons are supposed to be spell resistant, so not rated.
    Wtf? I will assume this is a security measure of some sort.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2017
Loading...