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WIP Harry Potter and the Unlocked Knowledge by kmfrank - T

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by kmfrank, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Hello everyone, I'm a new member here. I posted a story not long ago on ff.net and it was recommended that I post it here for some reviews.


    Title: Harry Potter and the Unlocked Knowledge
    Author: kmfrank
    Rating: T
    Genre: Action/Adventure, Humor
    DLP Category: General?
    Pairing: Harry/Katie Bell
    Chapters: 15
    Words: 168,125
    Updated: February 20, 2013
    Published: January 10, 2008

    Status: Work in Progress
    Summary: When Harry returns home to Privet Drive after the fiasco at the Department of Mysteries, he finds that Voldemort's possession released the Horcrux inside of him. In addition to the companionship of "Tom", Harry has all of Voldemort's knowledge, and must learn to use it to fulfill the prophecy without letting the Wizarding World fall under the thumb of an evil he now knows far too well.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4003405/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Unlocked_Knowledge

    Hope you all enjoy, and thanks for any reviews!
    -Kevin

    [edit]: Fixed the format, as requested by replies. Sorry!


    Checked by Minion, July 28, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
  2. Randeemy

    Randeemy Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Welcome, it would be best if you introduced yourself in the introduction forum ASAP. I'll give this a read later, right now I'm going for a pint!!!
     
  3. Cathal

    Cathal Sir Nils' Right Hand

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    What's the story's genre, pairing(s), DLP Category? Man, add some info about your fic.
     
  4. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    Read the sticky thread. You know, the one that says POSTING FORMAT, READ BEFORE POSTING.

    They exist to be read and notify users. I don't sticky threads for the hell of it.
     
  5. Link

    Link Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Just look at the other posts in this forum.

    I'll read it in a few hours, though, skimming through the first chapter there's a few things that strike me.

    First, the start is quite cliché-d. Most of the post-Ootp stories start the same way. (the Dursleys picking Harry in Kingcross, Harry whimping/crying/thinking about Sirius, Letters from friends). Then, we have Voldemort in Harry's head. It's been done a few time; again, make it more original!

    It's fine if you re-use the idea of Voldemort somehow in Harry's head, either a good "Tom Riddle" or an evil "Voldemort", try to make it different. You don't have to rush anything either. If it has to take a whole year before Harry finds out that he has a voice in his head, so be it, you don't have to change Harry overnight. Or over a summer.

    I find it odd; I don't think Tom Riddle (or Voldemort) would speak that way to Harry. I very much doubt they're on first name basis first. Then, I always pictured Riddle as a cold, silent man.

    Got to go. I'll read (not skim though the first few paragraphs) and leave a better review later.
     
  6. Neo2b

    Neo2b First Year

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    I'll edit this later, reading the wrong story.. Lack of sleep :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2008
  7. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    Why do you say "fiasco?"

    Voldemort got discovered, most of his Death Eaters got thrown into Azkaban, Fudge was forced to acknowledge his return, and only Sirius died for it.

    Quite the contrary, it's very much a victory.
     
  8. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Harry never calls it a fiasco, and Tom certainly wouldn't consider it that. Tom did, however, imply that before the Order showed up, they were pretty well screwed, and commented on how Harry could have improved. He then went on to critique some of the battles Harry remembered. Before Harry got wiser with the help of Tom, he may have considered it a fiasco, but I believe that later on he would agree that it was a victory, if one that was personally hard for him to swallow.

    Thanks for the analysis!

    -Kevin
     
  9. Lincos

    Lincos Professor DLP Supporter

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    Half way through chapter five at the moment and there are some things that are bugging me (Most coming from your A/N's).

    In no particular order:

    1. Harry being a pussy and not using any 'Dark' magic that he has knowledge of.

    2. The Ron/Hermione ship you're pushing for. What, in the previous 5 books has ever shown that they're interested in each other?

    3. You're following HBP's plot. Just adding your own 'improvements' to Harry.

    4. Why is Ginny in the Slugclub just because she cast one simple spell?

    5. Ron is a dickhead and he needs sorting out.

    Right well, one good thing is that you've cut Ginny out the story entirely now. Not a mention in the last 4-5 chapters. No Neville or Luna though.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2008
  10. Vegemeister

    Vegemeister Seventh Year

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    Harry had to resort to amusing himself after the first few successful bouts, and toyed with Fleur a bit before disarming or stunning her, which included summoning a significant quantity of water from the pond, “missing” Fleur with several cutting hexes that happened to hit branches of the trees behind her, which he transfigured into vines to hold her down, and several other fun tricks.
    (emphasis mine)

    Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
     
  11. Vtigo

    Vtigo Second Year

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    nope its rated T lol
     
  12. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Despite a few cliches that a lot of post OoTP fics have (eg Harry crying like a bitch over Sirius, recieving all of Riddle's knowledge), and despite the fact that it follows HBP's plot, this is a solid fic. I like the characterization in this fic, especially Harry's. It shows a believable progression of his skills in magic. Most fics like this have Harry WTFPWN everyone when he attains all of Riddle's knowledge, but this fic is different in that Harry's skill progression is believable and he isn't godlike with his new knowledge; he ends up actually getting his ass handed to him when he fights a few death eaters in the middle of the fic. I also like the Tom/Harry interaction after the first 2 chapters. With Tom's influence and memories, Harry becomes smarter, cleverer, charming, independent, and and overall greater wizard although he is not on the same level of DD, LV, and the more experienced death eaters. He uses his knowledge to his advantage and manipulates people like Slughorn, Malfoy, and his friends at times.

    Also, this fic features Harry/Katie which is great because I like the pairing as it is very underused and it has a lot of potential. It is done well in this fic. Katie is just his girlfriend, no soul bonds or 'mates' which I think everyone on DLP despises.

    This fic really does get better as it goes on. The first chapter nearly had me clicking out of it as I was disgusted with Harry's angst over Sirius, but he gets over that really quickly, and it doesn't make another appearance (or any angst for that matter). It gathers momentum in the middle, and it had me diligently reading it until I got to the most recent chapter.

    Another thing that is good about this fic is the writing. The grammar and writing is very good in this fic. There are no mispellings, capitalization errors, tense disagreements/switching, huge paragraphs, etc.


    The are a few things that detract from this fic though. My greatest issue with it is that Harry stays loyal to Ron and Hermione. I would rather him ditch them, or at least have them as not a big part of the story, but here they are still his best friends and privy to most of his secrets (prophecy, horcruxes, etc). They are pretty much canon in their characterization. Another thing is that it follows HBP's plot pretty closely. This one doesn't really bother me too much, but I know a lot of people don't like fics where they follow canon's plot closely with some alterations. The last thing I don't like is mentioned above; that Harry has all of Riddle's knowledge but is hesitant to use any dark spells. While he is much more advanced and knowledgable than he is in canon, he doesn't turn dark or use any dark magic that he knows.


    Overall this is a solid Smart!Powerful!Harry (not Super!Harry) post OoTP fic with good writing/grammar and few cliches. It follows HBP closely with some changes and features a Harry/Katie pairing.

    4/5
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
  13. Lucullus

    Lucullus High Inquisitor

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    How does this compare with Master Slytherin's excellent piece, "What Lies Beneath"?
     
  14. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    It's not psychological thriller with a bland characterization of Tom the Horcrux. He's not a Dark Lord, but lacks any of his mannerisms or sophistications, but the update speed and amount of content is staggering.
     
  15. Anarual

    Anarual Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Ok good work except for : HBP Plot as in Half baked plot. Harry not using Dark magic , Whores brother / Beaver ship and Whore in the slugclub. Kill her off ASAP
     
  16. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I've posted a few more chapters since anyone here last read, it seems, and a few of the issues previous posters have had are changed, as were my original intent anyway.

    The story stuck originally to a plot somewhat similar to HBP, until Harry changed things and his actions had logical consequences. Ron and Hermione are still together, but Ron, particularly, has matured and is a far different character than is portrayed in canon. Also, both of them take a back seat to Harry himself.

    Ginny had some scenes in a chapter that I think many here would enjoy, showing her jealousy and instability; we'll also see more from her later.

    Harry also for the first time was forced to use Dark magic to fight the Death Eaters, and will continue to be ever more ruthless in fighting them. He will no longer be throwing stunning spells, and is instead throwing around some of the magic known by Tom and others learned from a grimoire of Grindelwald.

    I hope more of you give it a chance as Harry is still maturing and his metamorphosis will not be an instant one.

    Thanks,
    Kevin
     
  17. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

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    Your story while not the most original thing ever written by a long shot does what it does fairly well.

    The one thing that holds your fic back to me seems to be the action scenes to be honest. While they are far from bad they could use some improvement as they do not tend to draw me into the scene the way that they could, if that makes sense? I suppose what I am trying to say is that while you use a nice variety of spells for your characters they still lack that little extra bit of detail that tends to make the difference.

    Anyways you have a pretty good story here that is worth the read. And you get an extra special erm, cookie I suppose, for your awesome update pace and the pairing (I have a real soft spot for H/K.) 4/5
     
  18. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    A good, long, reasonably well written story with good chapter length, characterisation, and realistic power progression for Harry, as well as a good pace of plot progression.

    It's not the most original of fics, as it uses a few rather common fanon ideas (magical cores and the idea of Harry gaining Voldemort's memories primarily) but the author executes it well, and as I say, it's not a "Harry wakes up to find himself an equal to Voldemort in magical ability" story. Though he gains Voldemort's memories, he still has to work at his magic to be able to properly do the same stuff himself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2008
  19. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Just read this, thanks to the dupe thread. Probably the best 'Voldemort's memories' story ever, alongside Shezza's early fics.

    What I like the most is how the author managed to take all these goody-good in-canon pro-light characters and pairings and make me like them. Harry's relaxed and thoughtful attitude helps too.

    What I disliked was the tendency to explain every positive change in Harry's character by 'taking it from Tom'. I'm not really interested in reading about a seemingly awesome main character, who's actually only a thieving pretender, a faint copy of the real prodigy. Taking some knowledge is OK, but I'd have preferred if he avoided such stuff as Riddle-esque smile or handwriting - some things should just remain 100% Harry Potter.

    Oh, and in a few latter chapter, he used a couple of surprisingly cliched and a bit too 'easy' solutions, like Lucius buying his freedom yet again and automatic portkeys on death eaters resetting the playfield before the next action scene.

    But overall, it's pretty good story. Hope it updates again soon, it's been more than a month.
     
  20. Twisted

    Twisted Guest

    This fic is superb, only "Voldemort's memories" fic I have read, but I am sure it is one of the best. Hasn't updated in a while, but then again there was a bleedingly fast update rate before, so that can be excused. A decent recommendation for anyone, 4/5.

    In addition, I like the H/K pairing, which doesn't seem forced.
     
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