The savior complex thing was perhaps always latent, but it still seems to come out of nowhere. I get the fact that he does not want to be the cause of Krum's death, but helping an enemy in the middle of the battlefield seemed OOC. It might have been better if you had added some internal hesitation or if Harry kept berating himself for his weakness even as he saved Krum.

I didn't mind BB and Dumstrang performing as well as they did. It would hardly be interesting if Hogwarts just murdered both other schools. Still, it would be good if you add a few lines about how Dumstrang knew about the task beforehand somehow (they cheated in canon too, after all), and came better prepared. Perhaps you can add this next chapter? That should satisfy the detractors. BB should have been a slaughter, they seem like a rich snobbish school from canon, hardly the type of school that could challenge a trained, disciplined Battle School.

The whole chapter seemed somewhat off. It just didn't read as smoothly as some of the earlier ones, especially in the beginning. I can't pin-point the exact reason, but I think most people would agree with me here. Hopefully, the next one would be better written.

I noticed you didn't respond to the H/Hr romance comments. Does that mean its going to be that way? I can only hope not - I don't know about the ff.net audience, but most people here agree that any real focus on romance would lower the quality of the story. Also, Harry and Hermione here seem especially incompatible. Hermione is very well characterized, but there is too much competitiveness there for it to be anything other than a mutually beneficial partnership and tentative friendship. I really, really hope you don't go down that route.

 

This chapter was actually written on my phone during a twelve hour train ride. Could go some way in explaining it's lack of fluidity.

I actually had a headache editing the previous chapter and this one. Just couldn't find the right break. It perhaps would've been better to keep the second task enclosed in one chapter instead of splitting it up. I think that did a lot in making it strange to read.

Either way, the editing should hopefully be better. I might actually have myself a beta. Though with a beta comes slower updates.

And you know I can't comment on ships. What else would there be to talk about?

 

Upon having some things pointed out to me, and rereading a few chapters, I see that many of my earlier points have been rendered null. Thanks for pointing it all out!

That said, the disparity between schools makes sense after the PM - but it would be a good idea to add what others are saying regarding having knowledge about the tasks beforehand, in the next chapter.

 

Have to disagree. The scenes Kwan pointed out establish a pattern of Harry saving others. Also, there's a difference between helping an enemy out in a battlefield and letting someone die in a school sponsored tournament. He may want to win, but it's not life and death. Not wanting to have Krum's death on his conscience seems pretty reasonable to me. The manipulations on Harry's life are there to make him ruthless. He's clearly not there yet. I think the more interesting moment was Karim coming in and saving the pair. Why did he care?

Personally, I like that we don't know if they're cheating or not. It certainly seems like they're the Patriots of the wizarding world, but as was stated in an earlier post, everyone is more competent than canon. Harry's not going to find out they cheated by bumping into Karkaroff while wearing his invisibility cloak and going unnoticed. I'd rather have Harry pissed off he lost than complaining the other guys cheated.

They were pretty much slaughtered. Their best weapons were Fleur's Veela attack that got Lee and Karim with the sniper. Neither elements were included in canon, so don't assume that Beauxbatons is exactly the same as canon.

Anyway, I liked the chapter for the most part. I'm looking forward to seeing how Hermione pays for the increase in magic because she really is getting to be a little too good at everything.

 

I'm digging your story KwanLi, great work.

I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this but I just gotta say we need an upper soon as far as Harry is concerned, every single chapter lately some shit hits the fan with Harry, even if there are slight positives to bring from each chapter.

Sooner or later you need to show Harry kicking ass, without losing. I get what your trying to do, build the atmosphere up and have Harry have a nice coming out party, but you can only drag that on for so long.

Well, I think thats what your trying to do.

Every chapter seems to be down down down in regards to Harry atm. Your story is great, but when you released the last chapter my first thought was 'How is Harry going to lose today?'. Sure Harry kicked arse, as he seems to do in all the chapters, but he always seems to lose or let the situation get out of hand in the end, no matter his personal performance (in the latest chapters that is, not the start of the story). In that aspect your HP is opposite to Ender, because eventually Ender always won.

Maybe it's the nature of fanfiction and long periods between chapter updates that is making me feel this way, maybe it's only been going on for a chapter or two and it feels longer. I'm not sure, but that's the way it is atm.

Overall your story is great and I am loving it beyond me wanting Harry to be OP . Looking forward to more updates.

 

Updated.

Spoiler

Great chapter. Totally made up for last one's slightly subpar one.

I feel Harry accepting so much responsibility for stopping Dark Lords is slightly weird. Then again, I guess having your parents being killed by a Dark Lord is enough motivation. Does this mean that he has accepted all of Snape's manipulations as necessary? That would be meh. Then again, he doesn't know the full extent of everything Snape's done to him, so that's OK as long as he does not start handing out forgiveness like candy.

Dumbledore's alive, to absolutely nobody's surprise. Trow is probably Dumbledore, although that's not confirmed yet. Most Manipulative Dumbledore stories have him having a hand in James and Lily's deaths. I wonder if this version of him had anything to do with it. It would explain why Snape hates him.

So the Manipulative Devious Duo had something to do with Fleur as well. Hmmm, I'm not sure what to feel about that. Multiple plots would have been preferable IMO, just to show that not everything lead back to Snape and co, and I rather like plots within plots. Also, I kinda wanted to see Bitch!Fleur. The fandom whitewashes Fleur way too much.

Tracey was awesome. Too bad we didn't have much Blaise. I really like both of them in this story -- one of the few in which they have distinct characters.

Why did Draco change so suddenly? Is that going to be addressed later on in the story? My original theory was that he had been possessed by Tom Riddle's Diary horcrux, but now that doesn't seem to be the case. Really, I hope there's an explanation for Draco suddenly becoming a decent person.

Luna's voice felt natural for the first time in the story. I don't like her ability to see through disillusionment charms - I don't like any Luna with special abilities. In canon, she was an odd, quirky and at times, surprisingly insightful girl who served as a foil to Harry's (and Hermione's) tense and anxious dispositions, hardly someone with unexplained special abilities.

Did Hermione use so many big words in canon? I don't remember, but words like 'implore' and 'monumental' in the same sentence sounds slightly weird.

Overall, a pretty good chapter. I think you could have drawn out Harry's final decision a bit more (it felt a bit sudden), but that might have read as too long, so perhaps it was for the best. Hopefully the author can update as per schedule this time, even if it seems unfortunately unlikely.

 

It was a good chapter overall, but I found Harry's reasons for staying a bit weird. At the beginning of the chapter, Harry realises that being at Hogwarts doesn't make one any better than other schools, and then at the end he thinks he'll never achieve his fullest outside Hogwarts? That makes no sense.

 

Overall I felt the chapter was redudant, a whole chapter dedicated to Harry telling everyone he is leaving, only for within the last line or two for him to decide to stay, felt weak and a pointless amount of words wasted just to show Harry gaining some motivation, because it's now 'time to win'.

A character developmemt chapter that spent ages explaining why he was leaving, and only a couple lines why he changed his mind? Good to see the change of heart, but overall it felt pointless as I imagine most people would of guessed Harry was never going to leave anyway.

Good to get confirmation on Dumbledore.

Thankfully it looks like pwnage Harry might be back finally, looking forward to some more lightning.

 

So, the new chapter. I really liked it.

I, too, was all for Harry leaving. All for him finding a new life for himself. But I understand Harry's reason for staying! Harry's not the type to back down, he's not the type to say "fine, they win", no matter what. So he will endure these further manipulations, because of his pride, because he refuses to be defeated in the end.

I was almost completely sure it was Dumbledore and Snape, in the end, but it's nice to see my suspicions confirmed. I also felt the decision Snape came to in the end was the correct one. Harry doesn't need more pressure on him at the moment - Harry is not ready. He's coming back, but he's still emotionally fragile from the past few chapters. Telling him he's prophesized to defeat a dark lord probably would break him at this point.

I actually felt it was necessary. The last few chapters had Harry constantly losing faith. I also thought Harry would actually leave, so his decision to stay was surprising. Keep in mind that fics are intended to be read sequentially, despite the update mechanism, so this lull was necessary. When reading these chapters right after each other, it won't feel like a filler at all, I think.

A calm before the storm, before we hopefully see pwnage in the next chapter.

I, too, look forward to Harry kicking ass.

 

My problem with this is that we spend reading the whole chapter about how he's going to leave, how nothing will convince him otherwise, and then in two-three sentences the whole chapter is shown to be meaningless.

 

To me, it felt like he was trying to convince himself right from the beginning. Each conversation was instrumental in dissuading Harry from leaving - Hermione, Draco, Tracey, Luna and finally Trow. The conversations felt natural - I personally felt Tracey desperately looking for Harry in the dorms was the best part of the story. I agree its slightly jarring how quickly Harry changes his mind almost immediately after thinking that he felt at peace with his decision, but you can hardly say it was done without build up - the entire chapter was devoted to it.

Besides, the protagonist should never give up. Harry in canon never did. He fucked up magnificently several times, yes, but he never gave up. I think it says something of the author's skills that he almost convinced me that Harry was leaving.

Fardeki :

Well, there you go. Harry already hit Rock Bottom. Now, its time to win. Harry's resolution wouldn't have had nearly as much impact had he not lost as much as he did.

Harry's character arc has been great -- he started at the top, lost, then won continuously for a while, then kept on being fucked over till he almost broke, and now he's gonna start winning again. Really awesome. If only Hermione lost nearly as much - I can't wait to see what the dark magic does to her.

 

I'm not convinced. As far as I could see, the entire buildup was not about Harry giving up on the fight against Voldemort, or whatever it is that he thinks he's being trained for, but on Hogwarts itself and the way in which he was being treated. In essence, it was more about him standing up for himself. What he's done now is actually give up, on himself.

To me, entire chapter was a build up on why Harry should give up on Hogwarts, and what you said about Hermionie, Draco, Tracey, Luna and finally Trow were factors that tightened his resolve to leave. Then the author suddenly goes and in a couple of sentences takes it all away in the name of not giving up, which didn't make any sense to me.

 

I did say the scene where he did change his mind was slightly jarring - but I disagree with your reasons. There were two (or three) factors here - he wanted to leave Hogwarts because he was tired of being manipulated and underappreciated, and he wanted to stay because he wanted to be challenged and live up to his potential and to stop any Dark Lords than came to be in the future. His problem was he didn't see the point of fighting Dark Lords if no one appreciated him for it ('to what end?'). In the end he resolves to fight Dark Lords because he thinks its his responsibility to do so since he is better than the other options, even if he has to suffer Snape's manipulations for it.

Plus, he really didn't want to leave his friends, especially Tracey, and he was sorta fighting a losing battle ever since he met her (and Luna) on the way out.

Also, perhaps most importantly, leaving meant giving up. It would have meant Snape winning. That much was blindingly obvious. And Harry Potter does not give up. Ever.

That's my interpretation anyway. The author could have made his meaning clearer in the end, but the conversations with his friends was very well done, and I'm inclined to give this chapter a pass because of it.

 

To me, 'to what end?' was more about him not seeing the purpose of what he was going through, and not about the appreciation; i.e., the cause, rather than the effect.

I guess that's where our views on the chapter fundamentally differ. I see it as Harry not seeing any Dark Lords around, nor anything pointing to them, other than the mistreatment that he feels he is going through, which doesn't seem to be serving any higher purpose.

To quote yourself:

As far as Harry knows, there isn't a Dark lord right now. There might be one sometime in the future, but there might not be. He doesn't really know either way. How can he resolve to fight something that doesn't exist, and might not ever exist?

I agree, to an extent, but he fought through it. His resolve suddenly crumbling at the very end did not come with any explanation, and this alone does not account for it. It might have been a factor, but it wasn't a 'losing battle', the way I saw it.

This is something I absolutely disagree with with. To me, the chapter did a great job as describing how leaving would have meant getting himself out of the control of someone who was trying to break him from his perspective, that too without a purpose. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't mean giving up, but the exact opposite. That the author discredited all the reasonings of the chapter in a couple of lines doesn't really change their purpose.

To me, it was not just 'slightly jarring', as you said, it just didn't fit at all.

 

Doesn't he know that Voldemort is still alive? I was under the impression that this was the entire reason he attended Trow and Lupin's classes and learned of Voldemort's past. Besides, having his parents killed by a Dark Lord, his dislike of Dark Lords is quite understandable.

There... he believes Voldemort is his future. He has no reason to disbelieve Trow and Lupin, it was clear to him that Snape wanted to prepare him for something right from the start. Beating the guy who killed your parents and tried to kill you is a helluva motivation to succeed.

There is a purpose - to make him stronger so that he could face Dark Lords. The coversation with Trow made that clear. Yes, leaving would mean he would break free from Snape's control (actually Harry wasn't sure of this either - as Hermione said, this could also be somehow playing right into Snape's hands), but it would also mean he gave up and lost to Snape. I am not quite sure how you're trying to argue against this here - there is a direct quote from the chapter that I included in my last post.

Yes, escaping Snape might have been healthier for him. But in the end he chose the selfless option and stayed back.

 

No, I don't think he knows that Voldemort is alive. I have no problem with him having dislike of Dark Lords, if they still existed as far as he knew. But they don't.

Take these quote for example:

Read the quotes above. He doesn't really believe anything. He has no reason to disbelieve them, but neither does he have any reason to believe them. In fact, it probably would have been unrealistic to accept such a vague thing anyway.

The problem is that he doesn't believe it as a valid purpose. To Snape, or Trow, it might be a purpose. Doesn't make it so for Harry. Think about it, there is no evidence of the existence of a Dark Lord, and someone vaguely hints at it and uses it as an excuse to torment him. Why would he consider it a purpose?

Hermionie said all that with the idea that Harry couldn't be great anywhere other than Hogwarts, but Harry already realised earlier in the chapter that other schools are also just as good. Also, Harry has studied history of Dark Lords, and Grindelwald didn't come from Hogwarts, so there is no reason to believe that Hogwarts is the only place where greatness can come from.

If Harry truly knew that Voldemort exited, then it would have been selfless, as you said. Right now it's a vague idea of a future possibility of a Dark Lord that might not even exist. And sacrificing himself for that isn't being selfless. It could have been written that way, I think, but right now it hasn't been

I've included direct quotes here too. The point is that I think you're equating possible reasons that Snape, or Lupin, or Troy would have with the reason that Harry would have. I'm saying that with the knowledge of what Harry knew, his decision doesn't fit.

Anyways, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this.

 

So to sum up........

(1) Trow and Lupin have told him that Voldemort's alive (as per my previous quote), and Harry believed that they were saying the truth, at least originally. Now that he has been tortured and tormented, he is having doubts that any Dark Lord, Voldemort or others, would rise in the future.

(2) From Harry POV, he has no proof that any Dark Lords would rise in the future. Yet based on his history lessons, he would at least consider this a distinct possibility - two Dark Lords in the last fifty years. It is still far from certain, though.

(3)

He had doubts about its purpose during his talk with Hermione. He seems to have accepted the validity of his purpose after his talk his Trow - he never once disputed it with Trow - he tells him to find someone else instead.

(4) Ultimately, he gains enough faith in his purpose to turn back to Hogwarts. Whether you agree with his epiphany is up to you, but it is implied his talk with Trow tipped the scale here - he was wavering well before he ever talked to Trow.

(5) Leaving would have meant letting Snape win and accept that that he had been broken.

There is nothing in the chapter to refute this. If he had left, he would have admitted failure. This is blatant Un-Harry like behavior. In canon, he refused to go to McGonagall over Umbridge's detentions because that would have meant admitting defeat. Admittedly, Snape makes Umbridge with her blood quills look like an amateur, but still, its the principle of the thing.

(6) It was a combination of factors - his renewed faith and determination to stop Dark Lords, his desire to remain with his friends and his refusal to lose to Snape ('Time to win') that brought him back. His talk with Trow ultimately led to him staying.

In the end, I agree that the execution in the end could have been better, but the reasons are all there if you want to see it. I guess we have to agree to disagree on this one.

 

I am not disagreeing that the reasons are there, and I think that if they were written differently, they could have weighed well enough that his decision not to leave would have made sense.

That those reasons suddenly occurred to Harry at the very last second, out of nowhere, is what makes no sense to me. It didn't fit the flow of the chapter. That is, in the context of 8000+ words where I feel the entire flow was in another direction, those reasons didn't hold enough weight.

That's what I feel anyway. I guess it's a matter of perspective though.

 

Just to clear one thing up.

Harry does not definitively know that Voldemort is alive.

 

Honestly I wish he left. He doesn't know Voldemort is alive, right now he's suffering for no reason. I get the whole Ender's Game parallels but that had a clear reason for parents to allow it, turning a millennia old institution into a boot camp has always seemed improbable even though I like the story. Harry doesn't have a reason to stay in England. This whole chapter weakened the story by pointing this out and just made it into a copy of Ender at the lake.