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WIP Hogwarts Battle School by Kwan Li

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Averis, May 22, 2013.

  1. Invictus

    Invictus Master of Death

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    This chapter was an exercise in futility, we all knew Harry wouldn't leave. But spending thousands showing and telling us how and why he wanted to leave, and them spending 4-6 sentences justifying why he would stay is damn annoying and jarring. Ender's scene at the lake with his sister was deep, layered and fully developed. This scene was not.
     
  2. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    Mostly what everyone before me said. I really would have preferred him leaving Hogsmeade and Snape interfering and manupulating his memory or something. Or maybe Snape arranging an accident for one of his friends to guilt him further.

    In its current form, the chapter left a bad taste in my mouth.
     
  3. xvector

    xvector Second Year

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    Harry is smart, though. I thought it a bit weird Harry didn't figure it out the moment they started teaching him about Dark Lords.
     
  4. Caldazar

    Caldazar Squib

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    Harry's decision to stay at Hogwarts might actually be the worst part of the story. The whole chapter talks about Harry's very good reasons to leave: Up to this point Harry's goal is to succeed at Hogwarts, but there is no deeper reason to do so. Hence the question 'To what end?'. As confirmed, Harry doesn't know about Voldemort and so he has, at best, dubious reasons to stay.
    Recognizing all that and going through with his decision to leave would have been a major success for Harry as a character. In my opinion, Harry was defeated by staying at Hogwarts - even if he doesn't admit that to himself. That this decision is inadequately explained within a few sentences just makes the whole thing worse.
    It would have been really interesting if Harry had actually left - or actually tried to leave, at least. Of course there is no way for Snape to allow that. In other words, Harry would have forced Snape to react. It would have been a major win for Harry and changed the power dynamic between him and Snape. A pity we won't see that.
     
  5. NuScorpii

    NuScorpii Professor

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    A new chapter is up: Link

    Interesting take on Harry's next steps after the last chapter. I simply have to forget that the last chapter happened, and everything seems back to being great.

    That said, I think the scene with Lupin and Trow happened could have been fleshed out some more. It seemed a bit abrupt to me, but perhaps that's what the author was going for.
     
  6. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    Hmmm, interesting chapter. This isn't the smoothest of fics in terms of writing, but the characterizations and the plots are awesome, and this chapter was no exception.

    Nice Harry/Trow duel. Its all but obvious now that Trow is actually Dumbledore. But why is he so weak from his horcrux revival when Voldemort came back as powerful as ever in canon?

    I thought the whole Fleur thing was meh. Perhaps I've come to expect too many plots and plots-within-plots from this story, but the usual "bind your magic to mine" explanation didn't impress me in the least. I hope we get to see more of her in the story. I doubt she would be an antagonist as I would have liked, but at least I can't see them as ever being friends. Forgiving is fine, but forgetting is dangerous.

    No Snape. I am disappointed.

    Harry and Hermione attending special lessons together. Mixed feelings about that one. On one hand, I rather like Hermione's characterization in this story. She's OOC, which I usually hate for any character, and something of an unlikable bitch overall, but she's interesting, which is more than what most Hermione-focused fanfics manage. On the other hand, I like Blaise, Tracey and even Draco more than I like Hermione, so I'm somewhat disappointed that Hermione's role in the story is more important than theirs, even if that was what I expected.

    I also dislike how Harry seems to depend on Hermione much more than Hermione depends on Harry, something furthered by Harry's request. This imbalance in the relationship uncomfortably reminds me of bad H/Hr fics where Harry is more-or-less Hermione's little bitch and he need not have any reason to exist but to serve as Hermione's sex toy. Of course, its nowhere near as bad, but still something to be fixed, I think. Maybe that Dark Magic Hermione was using would come up now.

    Overall, decent chapter, if nothing special. Would be interesting to see how Harry brings the Slytherins back under his leadership. And how Snape reacts to Harry's little not-quite-rebellion. And Blaise. Always want more Blaise.
     
  7. xvector

    xvector Second Year

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    Absolutely love what you did there with Trow. I did not see it coming!

    It all makes sense now. Strategy professor. Incredible at transfiguration. Gaunt, old, pale, but powerful. Lupin calls him professor. And, well, a bunch of other things, and I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing it earlier, and astonished at how well you veiled it in plain sight.

    That was a really, really amazing twist. Moreso because you didn't simply tack it on for fun - the evidence is all there now, in the previous chapters, that you were planning this all along.

    Awesome chapter.


    I don't want Harry to rely on anyone, especially not Hermione. I'd much rather have Harry rely only on Tracey, and through her, on Draco, rather than Hermione. There's a real emotional connection with Harry and Tracey; I feel like Hermione might turn on Harry at any moment.

    I'm fine with Harry asking people to do things, but him treating others as equals in the face of his own ability and power, and depending on them - on anyone, really - doesn't seem like something he would do.


    I also look forward to Harry's interactions with Snape. Will he realize it was all necessary? Or will he blindly hate Snape for it? Perhaps a combination of the two?

    Trow's - Dumbledore's - condition is heartbreaking. Dumbledore was always my favorite character in canon, everything I think a character in the Potterverse should be. He had ambition, power, and keen intelligence, along with an understanding of the world. To see him reduced to a shell of his former self, a caricature of what he could have been, and finding himself weak and dependent on others, where he once commanded the attention of the entire Wizarding world - it's depressing. I hope you have a resurgence for him, or something.

    You used "almost" quite a bit in this chapter, to the point where it was rather noticeable. I'm not sure whether this was intentional.
     
  8. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    Wait, what? Was Dumbledore having a horcrux explicitly described anywhere in the story, or is that something you inferred?
     
  9. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    Not stated outright, but easily inferred.

     
  10. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    Ah thanks. I skimmed over most of their conversations, so I missed that.
     
  11. wordhammer

    wordhammer Dark Lord DLP Supporter

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    Been thinking on these last chapters and read some of the discussion on it. I haven't read Ender's Game but I get the idea of appropriating a really good moment of transition, and that the story was naturally leading to a breaking-point.

    I have this notion that Harry might have reached the decision not to leave, but then left anyway to see what Snape's faction would do to bring him back. He'd resolve that he needed a break and to step outside of the crucible of Hogwarts and the Tournament, have a few ice cream sundaes and try to think about things without the world on his shoulders.

    Snape might crow about Harry not being as wonderful as Albus kept telling him, but they'd both know that someone would have to retrieve him. It couldn't be Snape- that'd put all the power in Harry's hands, and Lupin would have no pull with Harry. None of the students could give him any new insights. It'd have to be Flamel, Trow, or Albus revealing himself, or a third party seemingly on the other side who might be pleased to let him know that his surrender has shown to be a good portent for their interests. That would require adding a whole new plotline about Harry being approached by the enemy, but now would be a perfect time to bring the real conflict to Harry's attention, ahead of his handler's intentions.

    Anyway, that's what I was thinking.
     
  12. BadManners

    BadManners DA Member DLP Supporter

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    Tracey would be a pretty unreliable person to rely on considering this last chapter makes her sound like she's been dosed with some date rape shit (not to mention the fact that she can't really back Harry up on the level he needs because she's weak and not nearly intelligent enough to make up for it). And again the emotional angle doesn't work either because her affection seems artificial as fuck.

    Hermoine sucks in general, but she especially sucks in this story where she's 'back against the wall, all out bitch' Granger with a capital G for grossly unnecessary cuntitude. Unfortunately, she's here to stay and I'm sure Harry bringing her to these new lessons will be the beginning of another dimension to their shitty rivalry/friendship/burgeoning romance.

    The Fleur thing seemed like kind of a cop out as well, so I can only hope that she was lying to his face.

    The Trow reveal was, as already stated, fantastic though. Honestly all this annoying drama between Harry and his not so friendly friends is this fic's worst aspect, and so any scene where this is not in play is going to look exponentially better by default, but Trow was such a peripheral character that the readers took for granted despite his relatively conspicuous position as the only 'original' professor in the fic that I can't help but be impressed by how satisfying of a twist it still is.

    --------------------------------------------------
    I regret nothing.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2015
  13. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Obligatory "damn, thought it was an update" post.

    DAMN YOU, DRISFUL.
     
  14. fire

    fire Order Member

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    I've tried to get into HBS three times now, and each time I've failed.

    The dialogue simply doesn't work - it's completely flat.

    I really don't know how to put it, but some authors seems to have it down - the voice of the characters - they make me believe that I'm hearing an actual person speak, not just some cardboard cutout.

    HBS has none of that. The characters don't have distinct voices. All the lines feel the same, sound the same, and reading them makes me feel like I'm listening to a single person talking, but trying very hard, and failing, to appear to be different people.

    It's quite unfortunate, because the premise of the story isn't bad.
     
  15. NuScorpii

    NuScorpii Professor

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    Updated, and all I have to say is meh. Quite a few things happened and yet the entire chapter felt like a filler to me.
     
  16. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    I agree that this chapter was kind if filler-ish, especially considering the usual chaos Kwan gives us, but I enjoyed it more than most chapters that consisted entirely of fighting.

    HBS trains students to use magic in a duel like it's a gunfight. There are few instances where Harry, or anyone else, employs a little finesse, where it feels more magical, so to speak. That stuff gets boring quickly, with how monotonous it tends to be in this fic.

    Now, all that said, I thought the update was a nice change of pace. And the last scene with Hermione... awesome. Hopefully a herald of nice things for us to have.
     
  17. Hawkin

    Hawkin Chief Warlock

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    I have a hard time remembering about the tattoo she keeps mentionning. Anyonr can shed some light on that?
     
  18. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    She pulled some indy!harry magical power booster tattoo on her tits of a tiger or lion or some shit.
     
  19. Pirazy

    Pirazy Groundskeeper

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    Wait, Hermione got at tat on her tit?

    Shit, maybe I should get back to this story, that sounds too crazy to pass up.
     
  20. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

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    Harry's strong reliance on Hermoine continues to irk me to a point where I start disliking the story.

    With the latest chapter, which felt like it was presented from the POV of PMSing teenager, I almost stopped reading it.

    Still, the story started strong and I was enjoying it up till a few chapters ago enough to continue reading and see where it goes.
     
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