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Abandoned Houses of the Holy by HowdyU - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by MrMucus, Nov 14, 2008.

  1. MrMucus

    MrMucus Groundskeeper

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    Title: Houses of the Holy
    Author: HowdyU
    Category: WIP
    Rating: M
    Pairings: Naruto U. & Yugito N
    Chapters: 12
    Words: 134,383
    Updated: January 15, 2009
    Published: August 5, 2008
    Link: [Link]
    Summary: Spirited away from Konoha at an early age, Naruto finds a new family amid the strife of a battlefield as old as the shinobi nations. But what will he do when his new allies’ ambition is to change the world through a baptism by fire? An Akatsuki!Naruto fic.

    Quoting myself for the win! The only major point I'm concerned with is how he ends up handling the chunin exams, since that's where most Akatsuki!Naruto stories fall flat. One of the few very authours that actually does Pain justice, who is easily the best written character of the story.


    Checked: June 7, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2012
  2. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

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    Very good story so far. The plot's interesting and fairly original; the character's are three-dimensional, and Naruto has a reasonable power progression and stays true to his character. I hope it continues in this vein and doesn't tank when it comes to the problem of somehow reintegrating Naruto into the canon Konoha universe. 4/5
     
  3. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    Somehow posted this in the wrong thread somehow originally. Don't know quite how I managed that, but I blame it on being 15 minutes out of bed. Anyway...

    Lol, the Chuunin Exams? I wouldn't think that Pain would send Naruto right back into the middle of the village that Konan kidnapped him from for the sake of some stupid tests. You know, because they would probably kidnap him back, or at least attempt to (or simply kill him). I'm looking more forward to other members of Akatsuki (Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, especially Orochimaru if he's still hanging with them at this point) entering the picture. Chuunin Exams for the sake of making him interact with the Konoha rookie brats? Meh.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2008
  4. MrMucus

    MrMucus Groundskeeper

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    /shrugs

    From his authour notes in chapter one. I think he also had a post on Narutofan stating something along those lines. Hence, the major point I'm concerned with as I just...can't see Pain letting his prized Jinchurriki walk back into the lion's den so to speak. I also can't see Madara being too thrilled with it either. So yeah, I agree with you word for word there Sera :|
     
  5. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    I knew going into this that people would either love or hate arc 2 of this story.

    All of Pain and Naruto's reasoning is sound in my mind - I'll just have to wait and see what people think of it.

    But dammit I still need to hammer out Chapter 7.
     
  6. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    I'm not entirely sure that I HATE the idea, per se. I just hope that you have a better reason for sending Naruto back 'home' than simply wanting him to interact with the rookie weaklings. :)

    It's just something I don't really get about a lot of Non-Konoha Naruto fics, creating situations for him to force him back together with the Rookie Nine in some respect or another. I have faith that you have a better reason, of course.
     
  7. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    Believe me when I say that gaining social skills isn't one of the about seven good reasons I can think of to send Naruto back to Konoha.
     
  8. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    Well, I'm looking forward to seeing what you've come up with, then. I'll have to say that it will take something really convincing to sell me on Pain being willing to take such an enormous risk with his prized apprentice.
     
  9. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    Even if Naruto is to be Konoha's enemy, or even if he's never to see the cast of Konoha ever again, to not have Naruto atleast know the rookie nine to me, seems like it's no longer Naruto. I mean, Naruto doesn't have to go to Konoha to meet his quasi peers (he can meet them on missions and in other circumstances), but it's the easiest, and sometimes, the most natural way.

    It's like sending Harry to America with some OC guardians and then having him go to some American magic school with tons of OCs all over the place. Usually makes for major fail.
     
  10. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    Except that with how powerful Naruto is in this fic (at least as I understand it), the entire idea of calling the Rookie Nine his peers in any way is laughable. As I see it, he could probably wipe the floor with all nine of them at once.
     
  11. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    Reason for the "quasi".

    By peers I mean "people his age". "Normal" ninja-in-training.

    Of course, Naruto can be super powerful, complete super "evil" missions for Akatsuki; becoming a murderous douchebag. That's all well and good (and definately fun to read). But it itsn't particuarly meaningful until you contrast his behavior with how other ninja his age act, I think.

    I mean, look at your story. Naruto's a punk in the beginning. Robbing people, steeling stuff. He's lived in a harsh enviorment, and has become harsh. Then look at the people he interacts at the academy. Kiba, Sakura, then Ino, etc. then Anko. We can see how Naruto is in relation to these characters because we're familiar with them. Ino and Sakura and Kiba are always innocent, if (at-least in Kiba's case) driven to be come ninja (murderous douchebags). You could have easily had Naruto run away from Konoha, engaged in conflict eslewhere, but you had him grow up in Konoha for a clear reason. I think that reason was so we could see Naruto as a person growing up in almost the same enviorment as his peers (as far as they know, anyway).

    And he'll eventually return. After he's defeated Akatsuki, he'll go home and we'll see how he's changed from back then. And if he doesn't go back to Konoha, you'll atleast show how he's changed in relation to Anko, Yugao, etc. by having him meet them again. Right? Essentially, HotH has do something similar along those lines, otherwise it's Naruto, Pain, Konan, and some OCs interacting all the time, which could get boring. Naruto probably won't change.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2008
  12. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    I have to admit I've had a blast writing this whole Rain prequel especially considering that much of it I got to make up while only basing it loosely on what glimpses we've seen from canon.

    Having said that, I agree with Chime?? that it just doesn't feel like a Naruto story if you don't involve most of the cast or the setting of Konoha.

    While I like most of the Akatsuki members' personalities, their characters seem mostly one-dimensional and I don't think I have the patience or creativity to flesh them all out like I did with Pain and Konan.

    On top of that, most of the Akatsuki members are genuinely nasty people that even my Naruto probably wouldn't feel comfortable interacting with on a closer than professional level.

    A Naruto that never sets foot in Konoha may be fine for a shorter story, but for an epic-length like HotH will be, I personally wouldn't enjoy reading it without at least a bit of Naruto-Konoha interaction.

    It would be akin to writing a long Harry Potter story without him setting foot into Hogwarts or meeting up with any of the other prominent characters other than just in passing.

    Sure it's been done, but I can't really think of many stories that didn't involve the Hogwarts crew, and the ones I can mostly turn AU after year 5 or 6 and still build off of that canon background.

    Having Naruto sit in a cave (or tower) scheming with Pain and Konan is not what I envisioned for this story.
     
  13. Blazing Chime

    Blazing Chime Second Year

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    I have never understood what people see in this fic. The grammar is good and... that's about it. The reason why and how Naruto was admitted into Akatsuki seems to be half arsed and ill explained. Konan is too different from what she appears in the books. And don't get me started on the plot...

    3/5
     
  14. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    I'd actually like to hear about the plot.

    I'd like to hear about Konan a bit too. I think it would get boring if she just said "Pain is invincible" and "fuck you, Madara" all the time. I tried to make a less jaded, softer version of Konan as I think she'd be before experiencing an extra eleven and a half years of Pain's icy disposition and silence at Akatsuki meetings. Canon shows her as a Pain sidekick with a bit of reluctance when facing off against her old sensei and as a vibrant and caring young girl with a sunny disposition.

    My Konan is an older, wiser, and sadder version than the young Konan we see in flashbacks, but not quite the frigid bitch shown in the canon "present." If you don't think I did it well I would be happy to hear any suggestions you have. I'm here to improve my writing, after all.

    Sorry if I didn't explain Pain and Konan's reasoning adequately, but I did spend about twenty thousand long words on the subject. Even I was getting bogged down in the details, but making Pain and Konan's actions somewhat reasonable was the major factor into why the story starts out so slowly.

    Again, I would be happy to hear just what about their decisions seems so unreasonable. I am aware that my audience has to take a significant leap of faith to accept the premise to the story, but if people can write about seals, Kyuubi, or some mixture of the two sending Naruto and co. back in time then I don't see how the baseline for my story is so unreasonable.

    Also, I hope I haven't given the impression that Naruto is a full member of Akatsuki who goes around dressed in the red and black and striking terror into the hearts of many. He's only a small piece in Pain's war machine at the moment - though a particularly potent and valuable one.



    To everyone else that is worried about the wisdom of Pain sending Naruto into the lion's den - I want to remind you that Naruto isn't "Pain's precious jinchuuriki."

    Though Pain has some affection for Naruto, he is still simply a tool to achieve Pain's ambitions. Jinchuurikis are weapons of war, created for a specific purpose. The same is true for Naruto.

    Pain is willing to put Naruto into situations that promise a reasonable level of danger because he understands and trusts in Naruto's abilities. He sends Naruto into enemy territory to contact hostile jinchuuriki and sends him on missions that have the possibility, however small, of stumbling upon truly dangerous opponents like Hanzou.

    Pain has taken prudent measures to protect Naruto's - and in the process his own - identity. It's not about keeping Naruto from danger. It's about not drawing undue attention to a high-profile person like Naruto and Pain's own identity and operations in Rain.

    When the Konoha arc begins, try not to think about reasons why Pain wouldn't send Naruto to Konoha and instead think of reasons why he would. Orochimaru's invasion is sort of a major event in the Narutoverse, after all.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2008
  15. Dethklok

    Dethklok Order Member

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    I have to say, this story is on my top 10-20 stories that I watch on FF.net.

    The thing is that I like Naruto a lot. I like the concept, most of the characters, the idea of Naruto.

    It is the execution that kills it for me. I like anime as much as the next guy, but I can only handle about 50-55 episodes for any given series, at most.

    60 episodes is my limit, but the show has to knock my socks off and suck my dick. It has to be that good.

    It also has to get it's ass into the kitchen and make me a fucking sandwich!

    That is why I like Berserk, Gundam SEED, RahXephon, 8th MS Team, Stardust Memory, Evangelion....they are all under 50 episodes. Although RahXephon is about 55 episodes, I love it. It reminds me of Evangelion without all the strange psychobabble.

    But I'm getting off point. I feel the same way about Naruto at 150+ episodes that I feel about Dragonball Z.

    Way too fucking much.

    Beyond that, I always thought that anime as opposed to cartoons were supposed to toe the line and step over it in regards to things like violence and other dark tones. Naruto as an anime or manga doesn't strike me as dark or really gritty.

    Luckily there have been fanfics to redeem this, such as LT2000's Nine Tailed Serpent saga, and Houses of the Holy, of which a new chapter or two needs to come back out.

    Analyzing this story, in regards to some criticisms, such as a too mature Naruto, I look at it like this. Pain and Konan have not coddled Naruto in any way. Having him understand the realities of the ninja world is even more important for him to understand as Naruto is a jinchuuriki, a ninja tool, a living weapon. And I would think that Naruto, not being made to play the fool as he did in Konoha for the attention of Konoha, would be smart and consise and be able to trade jabs and intellectual dissertations with someone of Pain's level, within reason.

    I liked how in chapter 6 Konan and Pain remarked how Naruto was like Yahiko(am I spelling this right?) in his worldview on the situation. Naruto seems to represent the POV of the helpless masses opressed or affected by the powerful. The Yondaime was Naruto's father and was the first to act for or against Naruto, sealing the Kyuubi into his son, a helpless infant.

    To take a Dumbledore reference, Minato did it for the Greater Good of Konoha. Then another powerful ninja, Sarutobi fucked up and did not protect Naruto as he should have and was obliged to, leaving Naruto to the mercy of the 'kind' citizens of Konoha.

    Frankly, Konan coming and taking Naruto was the best thing that could have happened to him. She was the cold hard reality Naruto needed, instead of the pie in the sky bullshit that Sarutobi was hoping, for Konoha to 'accept' Naruto, which really means abuse and malign him until he became an orange wearing joke, a dobe.

    I say "NAY!" to that.

    Moving on, I would like Howdy to answer me on this:

    How will Jiraya respond to the news and the idea once it becomes news, that both of the children he taught or he should have been responsible for have turned against him? Naruto is not going to aid Konoha, and seems to be working with Pain and Konan towards the goal of destroying the ninja system or radically redefining it from what it is presently.

    I would hope that Jiraya takes it as a sign of his failure, an affirmation that he fucked up and shirked his responsibilities to fuck around. I hope that he feels all the bad associated with leaving things as they were, instead of proactive, positive action.

    At least that was how I always looked at Jiraya. I could be wrong.

    Moving on again, I would like to see answered or present in future chapters how Naruto would associate or if he is going to associate with the other members of Akatsuki. Right now, Naruto seems like a shadow associate. But what about when Akatsuki has to begin taking war to the open and moving publicly? Pain did say that he would not be able to remain in the shadows forever.

    In closing, as far as why Pain would send Naruto to Konoha for the Konoha arc, Chuunin Exams comes to mind. Naruto is probably already at Chuunin level or near Jonin, but confirmation from Howdy would be nice. He would probably be sent on assignment to fuck up Orochimaru's plans, or check up again on Gaara, who would be there, or to check up on the Hokage.

    What are your thoughts on all that I have said, Howdy?
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2008
  16. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    First off, I'd like to point out that the prophecy in the story only applies to ninja that Jiraiya has actually taught.

    Naruto isn't one of those... yet.

    You seem to want me to have a go at Jiraiya, as if he could have done more to prevent what may come to pass.

    That's fine and all, but I think you may be falling into the trap that people often do of "Jiraiya/Kakashi wasn't a good godfather/sensei because Naruto didn't have a good childhood/didn't learn any cool jutsu."

    In my mind it's not really fair to those characters, since they obviously have accomplished alot even if it's not explicitly stated.

    Supposedly Jiraiya has spent his time away from Naruto and Konoha trying to find information on powerful malefic forces (i.e Orochimaru and Akatsuki) which is important to have both for Naruto and Konoha's safety.

    I don't really believe that Jiraiya is responsible for what happened to Pain or to Naruto, and he understands that he did his best regardless of his failure. This will probably be true of my story as well.

    Naruto is not a member of Akatsuki nor is he known to the group as a whole. Only the "real" Akatsuki members - the ones who know what's really going on - know of Naruto's existence as Pain's apprentice.

    I don't want to give much away, but I will say this:

    Akatsuki may be a secret organization at the highest levels, but the organization as a whole is feared because its members are notorious. There's something to be said for a reputation, especially in the Naruto universe where everyone carries around a Bingo Book of dangerous and noteworthy people.

    Once Naruto is ready, he will be in the public eye and he will interact with other Akatsuki members, but for right now he's a nine-year-old kid who they probably wouldn't want anything to do with.

    Right now, at age nine, I would place Naruto at low to mid jounin level with the added advantage of nearly limitless chakra which allows him to abuse large jutsus and shadow clones.

    He's very smart, but he's still only nine years old.

    For the next arc, which I'll get started on as soon as I wrap up chapter 7, Naruto will be thirteen years old and a bit more seasoned than he is now.
     
  17. Dethklok

    Dethklok Order Member

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    I'm not asking for Jiraya bashing, nor am I looking for that. But national security vs. familial/godfather considerations....? Someone got shafted.

    And as far as doing your best, regardless of failure?

    Jiraya may have done his best, but he still failed. Good intentions and fucking up? You still fucked up.

    What do you think about the rest of what I've said?
     
  18. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    Err... didn't I answer everything?
     
  19. Tofferson

    Tofferson First Year

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    Read it. Seems good. Have some minor gripes, but will posts those here later.

    EDIT: Ok, like I said earlier, it all seemed pretty good and I did enjoy reading it. This was actually my first Akatsuki!Naruto fic (Other then LT2000's) and while it is a... slightly out there concept for a story, you managed to execute it quite nicely.

    ...Since I'm tired and have a bad memory on top of that, I'm just going to say the gripe that I remember. Permanent demon looking Naruto. That almost always, ALWAYS, makes me stop reading a fic right there. Sure, having him look for demonic when he actually uses the Kyuubi's chakra is one thing, but all the time? That just seems... Odd to me I guess.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2008
  20. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    Chapter 7 is finally up.
     
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