Amen to that. Vernon should alway's be descibed with that glint in his eyes. You know the 'If I could get away with it I would kill you glint.' Petunia attempting not to be an evil bitch is somewhat believable but Harry actually forgiving her... I'll go no further because the forgiveness of the Dureslys has been mentioned before.

 

By the powers vested in me, I henceforth command that in no Fannon fic will Vernon Dursleys shotgun/rifle come into play ever again and take up more than two lines. I also decree that Dudley Dursley's ass is nolonger allowed to be mentioned, as it seems he is too fat to stick his hands behind his rear and cower in a corner.

Let it also be known that muggle devices will in no way be charmed to run on magic to work on Hogwarts grounds, especially if being weilded by Indie/Emo Harry.

Also, the mention of the Knight Bus with two or more lines about Stan the conductor, it shall be burned by flaming gobes of kitchenware.

Harry will not create a secret magical hiding place where all time stops out of the Chamber of Secrets, and as such no secret rooms shall be found containing secret journals and spellbooks written by Salazar Slytherin.

Harry Potter will not magically expand his cupboard to the size of the Dursley's home, regardless of wether he discovers magical powers before Hogwarts or not.

Harry Potter will not discover his magical abilities while talking to a snake in his garden before the Hogwarts era.

A broken time-turner will not transport Harry/Ron/Hermione into the MWPP era.

Lord Voldemort is not Harry's father and did not love Lily Evans.

James Potter cannot return to life if it invloves a) the marauders map b) Harry's patronus or c) a journal left by the marauders which is enchanted to be like Tom Riddles

 

I'd also like to motion to ban Harry from listening to shitty modern rock (like evanescence or something equally painful). Harry Potter starts school in 1991, most fics including this are 6th year fics meaning they are set in 1996. Now think back to the music that was popular in that time, note that this was just around the peak of the boyband era and bands like evanescence didn't even exist yet. Why does Harry have to listen to gothic music anyways? Why does he have to listen to music PERIOD? Whenever an author includes anything like this it is useless filler and signals that the author is a lonely teenage girl who wants to impose their tastes in music on harmless readers.

If you are going to include music in your story, at least make it believable. No more Linkin Park or Evanescence, make sure the band was around when the story is written. Damn this makes me happy song-fics were banned.

 

Damn fuckers get those rock songs ideas cause Radcliffe loves rock songs.Cause of GoF movie with the Rock music part at the Yule Ball,that's why people try to put their taste of music in their fics.

It's just plain dumb to try and bring Rock music into the Magical World.

 

Guys you mentioned this about a thousand of times in the latest pages. Come up with original cliches.

One word: Dofgather (arghhhhh!)

 

The dogfather crap gets on my nerves too, especially when they call Harry 'pup'.

I am so sick of it and it really gets used too much, it's not even cute. It's just annoying.

Also I too am getting sick of the soulmate crap. I've not met anyone in my 25 years that ever had a soulmate. Real relationships take work and don't last when based on fluffy crap.
I'm also starting to really hate girls bossing Harry about, it shows a lack of respect. Too many fics have him trailing them like a dog, then getting verbally hit on the nose because he keeps secrets etc.

Why should Harry be the only one not to have secrets, especially when he's got secrets that really need hiding.

Litha

 

That happens more and more in any kind of fandom, the main character being expected to put up with abuse and let out all thier secrets just because the female wants it. It just keeps compounding everywhere, I too am heartily sick of it. I'd like to see a time where after getting smacked Harry hauls off and smacks right back saying 'Just what about me and you is there that makes you think you can attack me like that for no reason?'

 

I don't like it when someone pops in and goes "Well as the muggles say, ________, DURR HURR HURR!"

The wizarding world has always proven time and again to be largely ignorant of the muggle world. Why would they know those kinds of common expressions? Just pretend the phrase is common in the wizarding world, too, and be done with it.

 

..which is why my Harry is incapable of feeling anything beyond lust for the other sex.

I also hate it when Harry gets angry at Dumbledore for hiding his 9999999999999 galleon vault from him.

WTF are you going to do with it at 11?

And then he gets pissed for hiding the various properties the Potters own.

Were you going to live in them all alone at 11 too?

Even worse is when he claims he could have had a better life there being raised by the elves working there.

"Hi, I is Harry Potter, Sir. What can Harry do for you?"

 

Deja vu lol.

I'm pretty sure Harry would have loved to live in the other Potter properties rather than stay with the Dursley's, lord knows I would. Harry also has been cooking for the Dursley's at a young age so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have starved.

Most people I think would be pissed off if they found out that money has been hidden from them as well as the homes that belonged to their late parents. I mean if I was forced to wear the cast offs of an obese asswipe like Dudley all my life and all of a sudden I found out I had the money to make myself look presentable, you bet your monkey ass I'd get me some sick ass threads. But you give Harry less credit than he deserves. You act like Harry would have spent his whole savings on candy and toys like a normal little kid. But when he finds his trust fund he doesn't go around spending his money left and right, all he buys is the shit he needs for his school year. In his third year he was tempted to buy the firebolt himself, but he didn't because he knew his nimbus was still a fairly good broom and he would need the money for the rest of his time at Hogwarts. Harry is very responsible and shows a fair amount of restraint, at least in a monetary sense.

 

but that isn't the point, lets say Harry *has* any other monies than in his vault
that he doesn't know about.
what is the point about ranting that he didn't know about them, if he was so intend on knowing then he could have just asked. but the point is that in his vault is more money than he would ever need, just as you said he considered buying a firebolt which means he had enough gold to cover that.
now the question: would an adolescent need any more money than that, especially if he goes 9 month per year to a boarding school where everything is provided for him?

 

I actually like(d) the idea of Harry having other vaults and properties, it's just been used so much in horrible fics that the idea has been ruined. I think if someone did that but it didn't suck like your average cliche fanfic it would be an awesome story. But, of course, they can't give him the shit, let him use it, and avoid other cliches. No, Griphook becomes his uber awesome Goblin accountant, he's got to inheret from fifty bazillion other people who are apparently his ancestors, in one of the vaults is a box that informs Harry not only is he Draco Malfoys brother, the son of Snape, Gryffindor, Salazaar, and Merlin's heir, a male veela, and the son of a seer, he's also half vampire werewolf dragon centaur demon angel and god. Then, he goes and sits on his ass and does absolutely nothing for the rest of the story.

 

You do realise this hidden money thing only happens in fanfiction right? And in these fan fictions you also know that Dumbledore is manipulative right, so how do you know Dumbledore would have told Harry about his vaults if he had just asked? Let's just say for arguments sake that the vaults thing is canon. Why would Dumbledore not have told Harry he had more vaults from the start? Obviously Harry is very responsible for his age so what would have been the problem? Harry lived a life dependant on others whether it was his aunt and uncle feeding him for the day or Dumbledore making sure he was safe and at Hogwarts by fall. If Harry suddenly had that money and decided to make himself independent (I'm pretty sure a anullment case would be cake as all he would need would be a pensieve) how much control would Dumbledore have over Harry?

Sal you say Harry's responsibility wasn't the point, it was the point for the cliche' rant it was meant to respond too. Your response was a different rant. If something that was rightfully his was hidden then Harry has every right to be mad. Harry's trust fund is big, but it's not as big as a family vault. Harry didn't buy the firebolt because he knew his old broom was still good and that buying it would have cleaned out most of the trustfund, he knew he had 4 more years of school to go to. And what makes you think Hogwarts is free? Why would the Weasley's be so poor after sending 7 children to Hogwarts if it was free? How would the teacher's get paid if no one had to pay to go to Hogwarts?

Why would an adolesecent need so much money you ask? He probably wouldn't. But Harry isn't like most adolescent kids. He lives with a family that despises his very existence and is hardly fed and clothed with the hand me downs of his fat cousin. A family vault would have enabled him to survive independantly if he wanted to.

 

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, because it's more a cliche of HP fan type. Than a hp fanfic cliche.

I'm sick of fans of slash, Ginslut/Harry etc being labelled as fangirls.

I am female and really resent this stereotype because I'm sure some of those fans are boys. Please could you use fangirl/boy, because I think saying just fangirls is an insult to my sex.

I know alot of you don't mean it that way, but there are female members here.
So obviously we're are all not fans of slash, m-pregs etc. Some of us do read fanfiction for the writing and intelligent content.

I understand that people get frustrated by crap/ruined fics, mostly due to over used cliches. But please blame both fan genders, not just one when there is no statistical proof to back you up.

If someone has statistics that state all cliche fans etc are female, I will apologize for including fanboys as our nemesis.

Litha

P.s I can take a joke but it's really starting to grate on the nerves.

 

I don't completely agree with that. IMO it can be used as long as the story does not involve independant Harry or manipulative Dumbledore. If that is the case then it becomes way to easy for Dumbledore to find out about Harry's outings. However in a story that is neither of those then it can be used perfectly well as a method of transport in a time of crisis. Say Voldemort was attacking the next street over, if Harry wasn't ready to face him it would be ok to just get Harry to call the knight bus and get his ass out of there before he is killed.

 

Err...this is the Fanfic Cliche rant thread. Not about Canon.

As far as we know, there is no hidden money etc in canon. Dumbledore immediately told Harry that Sirius had left him whatever amount of money and Kreatcher, etc.

 

I agree it's okay for him to take the knight bus, I'm just sick and tired of fanon writes trying to mimick his accent and use the same words over and over. For god's sake, he doesn't have to narrorate his life to Stan the Knight bus conductor. Leave 'watchew doin' on tha' ground', or 'let's not wait for tha grass ta' grow', to the movies.

 

Litha:

It's just that statistically, the male homosexual population does't even reach 5 percent, and of them, only a handful read fanfiction, and even less read Harry Potter.

Therefore, we can assume that a good 98 % of all slash fans are girls that get off on slash, since I very much doubt straight males get off on male slash.

With a 2% of the fan population of slash being gay males and the rest female, it's just easier to call them all fangirls.

 

Amerision:

I know and apologize, I just had a bad day and needed a rant.
I'm also aware that more fangirls write slash, it's just I get sick of them dragging my gender down.
I also know how annoying the average fangirl can be, it's just frustrating that they give a bad impression of female writers.

I also realised when I was ranting that the statistic's probably weren't in my favour. Just thought I'd let it out or explode.

I've never really fancied red as a wall colour .

BOT :
One cliche I'm sick of reading is Lupin and Sirius living together, or spending every minute together.

Also I'm sick of Lupin getting money from Sirius will.

Litha

 

No need to apologize, nothing offensive there. Rants are good, but an even better way to let loose your anger is to fuel our sheepocratic war machine, and spread wooly propoganda.

Next Cliche:

Year 1.

It's incredibly annoying when authors just rehash book 1 with cooler scenes. You know what's going to happen, so there's no point in writing it.