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Oneshot Magical Marriage Mayhem: A Harry Pooter Omake by Innortal - PG13

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Cruentus, Aug 27, 2007.

  1. Cruentus

    Cruentus Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Title: Magical Marriage Mayhem: A Harry Pooter Omake
    Author: Innortal
    Rating: PG-13
    Genre: Humor/Parody
    DLP Category: Humor/Parody
    Pairings: Harry/Harem
    Words: 6,361
    Published: Aug 27, 2007
    Status: Oneshot (at least I think it is)

    Summary: N/A

    Link: http://www.fukufics.com/viewtopic.php?t=2036

    Innortal usually only does Anime so normally I would not post something he writes here, But he just came out with this and I thought somebody here might like it, and if your not averse to anime check out his other fics. i think he has gift for humor.


    Checked by Minion, February 6, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 6, 2013
  2. Trajan

    Trajan Squib

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    I can see the humour in this, but I didn't personally find it very amusing. A little more proofreading couldn't hurt, either. Points for the fact that Harry lacked creepy paedophilic tendencies.

    Not an awful story, 3/5
     
  3. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Some of the jokes where good, some where bad.
    Harry was acting in cannon, and it worked well in this story.
    It is average but dancing naked old men and the rules for the marriage and Dumbledore being stupid enough for the cup again gives it a 2/5.
     
  4. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Wish he'd continue this actually, looks quite amusing. I grinned in a few places, but there wasn't anything laugh out loud funny. Anyways, I give it a 3/5, because spelling and grammar was a bit crappy and there were places the humour was forced.

    Aekiel
     
  5. PsyckoSama

    PsyckoSama Groundskeeper

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    I found it amusing.
     
  6. Lincos

    Lincos Professor DLP Supporter

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    I alread gave my opinion of it on the thread, the only reason it is a Humor fic is because the author cant write for his life.... 1/5
     
  7. Testament

    Testament Seventh Year

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    Nothing special, it did have me grinning at some places, though mostly it was at the stupidity of the scene. Then again that's what makes half these fics amusing. Spelling was good, didn't spot any major mistakes, the grammar however, needs work.

    Overall, it's not my cup of tea.
    2.5/5
     
  8. ZanyMuggle

    ZanyMuggle Third Year

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    Actually, I thought the humor was gifted. The Molly-Albus-lemon tart scene had me rolling.

    The grammar, syntax, etc. were above the norm, DLP or otherwise.

    5/5

    Thanks, Crim, for recommending this one.
     
  9. Niffler Lord

    Niffler Lord Headmaster

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    That was pretty funny. Had a good laugh.

    4.5/5
     
  10. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    Decent enough, but not barn burner
    3.5/5
     
  11. I believe that Fleur being able to cast a charm that allows her to speak in perfect English is supposed to be a humorous dig at authors who can’t write a phonetic French accent... but I could be wrong... about the humorous dig part because it isn’t very funny.

    I chuckled... very softly... at the repeated line of “She’s eight”

    It seems that the author relied strictly on odd things (i.e. Dumbledore dancing naked) to be funny enough to carry the story. He or she needed to punch parts up. It would have been funnier, for example, to see Flitch’s reaction to seeing Dumbledore dancing naked besides turning away. Perhaps having Flitch make a mental note to drink a bottle of whiskey to chase the image away or even offering to strip down and help the Headmaster.

    It had a lot of potential, but it was lacking in several areas.
     
  12. Mr. Merriman

    Mr. Merriman Groundskeeper

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    Not that great, not very original, and unable to hold my interest. I read the first half, skimmed the second half. A fair attempt at parody, but very rough.

    2/5
     
  13. Warlocke

    Warlocke Fourth Champion

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    I just don't get why some people can't stand to see Dumbledore written as anything less than a Gandalf or a walking demigod. This is a farce, a parody, what does it matter that Dumbeldore is off his rocker?

    Shit, in canon Albus was stupid enough to keep hiring villains, he didn't tell James to be his own friggin' Secret Keeper when he had the chance and he killed himself by putting on a horcrux like a giddy child trying out a Christmas present.

    Granted, the man had a lot to juggle, being who he was, but some of that was by choice and he did make some asinine mistakes in canon. Anyway, having a retarded Dumbledore in serious stories can be pretty annoying but this isn't even remotely a serious story. The whole point is that Harry is basically the only sane one in the bunch.

    Having said that, this isn't exactly Nonjon or Rorschach level material either. Then again, even the author doesn't classify it as a full-fledged one-shot. Otherwise why call it an omake? After all, those are little skits that other authors tack on to the ends of real chapters.

    I found it mildly amusing. 2.5-3/5
     
  14. Stalicon

    Stalicon High Inquisitor

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    It's pretty good, not amazing, but I found it all pretty amusing.

    ~Favorite part
     
  15. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Mental note: study Dark Lords; they may have started out because stupid laws screwed them over, want to make sure I don’t repeat what led them to die.

    Lmfao, we have a winner.
     
  16. Innortal

    Innortal Muggle

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    I'll be the first to admit I am not the best writer. My grammar is sometimes lacking (let's face it, the rules often contradict themselves depending on which country you reside in). And while I catch most of my mistakes in spelling, even the best beta will miss a few, and I had this one on a few forums for over a week.

    My Omake Files are a collection of humor stories, this one was meant to be a humor harem story. Not serious, just a shot at them.

    This wasn't a serious attempt to start a new story line with multiple chapters spanning the books, it was a one shot at best for now. And humor like any art is subjective to each member of the audience, so I am not terribly upset if I failed to win over everyone. I tried, I enjoyed it, and in the end, it is all whether or not the author themselves can stomach the work.

    Hell, I enjoy some criticisms because they help me develop, and I've seen a few that make me question either the age or the maturity of some of the people responding.

    The phonetics for the accents? Can't do them, and have as much like trying as some people have writing a lemon.
     
  17. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    I think this deserves a solid 4/5. It made me laugh quite a bit, and the writing was good enough. A little rough in places, and didn't live up to it's massive potential. This was an admirable effort nonetheless, definitely worth my time.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2007
  18. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    lol @ the newb author thinking we were overly-criticizing his shit and going nuts.

    Read more.
     
  19. Cruentus

    Cruentus Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Innortal really isn't used to harsh critic sites such as this, and when I say harsh critic sites I mean you tend to be more....cruel about it then most.
     
  20. Innortal

    Innortal Muggle

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    Actually, I've had reviews that are nothing but "This sucked" and "You should take everything you've ever written down and start over from scratch".
     
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