Complete Monkey Business by Eilyfe - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Plothole, Feb 23, 2018.

  1. Plothole

    Plothole Fourth Year

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    Title: Monkey Business
    Author: Eilyfe
    Rating: M
    Genre: Humor
    Status: Complete
    Wordcount: 40k
    Fandom: Naruto
    Pairings: Some Naruto/Sakura
    Summary: After two years of travelling with Jiraiya, Naruto – wiser, stronger and all kinds of awesome – meets up with Sakura on the island of Danube. With hormones running rampant, a swamp growing out of nowhere and mercenaries flooding the cities, that alone would be enough for anyone to handle. But when they hear that Sasuke isn't far away, things quickly become more complicated.

    I was surprised that this wasn't already in the library. In a fandom that has a serious dearth of good new (completed) stories, this is one of the best in the last year. It's lighthearted (for the most part), canon compliant since it takes place between Part I and II, and manages to retain feel of most of the characters. If I have one criticism it's that there are some scenes with humor that borders on the crackish.

    I've read this twice and enjoyed it a lot both times. 4/5 from me.

    Edit: Added link. Thanks Xarlor.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2018
  2. Xarlor

    Xarlor First Year

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  3. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I really enjoyed Eilfye's Team 7 fic. He's an overall really solid author. I've never been disappointed with anything he wrote, only that there's not more of it. :)

    I didn't mind this fic as much as I thought, I was honestly wary about reading it because of the humor tag, and the fact that its Naruto and I hate depictions of anime humor. But, instead I find my self satisfied with the story. A decent interpretation of Naruto. Sakura wasn't an annoying cunt, and Jiraiya being Jiraiya. What more could be asked for?

    Giving this a 4/5.

    This thread hasn't been reviewed since it was posted, and only has one rating, from the OP. It was last active 55 days ago. Is this really how we treat our own authors?
     
  4. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I've always had a strange relationship with Eilyfe's writing. I've always admired him. His knack for character voice and the sheer planning and meticulous work that goes into his stories is something I envy.

    Yet, I've always had trouble sticking with his stories. Something in the way he writes puts me off, fails to grab me. I have to consciously try to not tab out or tab back in when I do, even though I'm aware that it's a great story.

    Something in his style just rubs me the wrong way. Either way, this is a great story that has all the qualities of his writing process in it.

    Edit: Having said that, I can't agree with some plot decisions on the second chapter.

    3/5
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
  5. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm really surprised no one else has taken the time to give this a review since its a DLP Author. Kinda shitty, really. But, I'm moving it to the Naruto Library its sat here long enough. If you feel otherwise, drop in a review and tell us what you think.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2018
  6. Knyght

    Knyght The Chosen One

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    The fandom really does need more short stories like this considering the shinobi world is perfect for self-contained, entertaining fics.

    In that sense, Monkey Business is ideal as it's based on Naruto and Sakura being assigned to a specific mission - investigate the newborn swamp - and concludes as soon as the objective is reached. Naruto and Sakura have both matured from their younger selves in different directions but are still flawed and still growing. And I liked seeing Naruto trying to reconnect with Sakura after their two year separation, still trying to act on his crush but in a far less obnoxious manner, even being tempted by his darn teenage hormones.

    Though the "like a brother" angle didn't sound right when it seemed like they'd only just reunited and their canon relationship in Part 1 doesn't really give that vibe.

    It does a good job of showing how powerful S-rank shinobi are with Jiraiya's casual demonstrations of power, even without going into any major battles. Sasuke shows that he's at least scratching the surface and Adder - weird name - was the right kind of competent even though she never feels like a real threat, just an obstacle. That said, the way the word "Sannin" is used can be a little odd. Part of that is that I automatically replace it with "Three Ninja" to see if it fits in context and it didn't a number of times. The other part is how it's used as if the Sannin were in a totally separate class to other ninja like it was an actual rank or something and doesn't quite sound right.

    Naruto's voice sometimes crosses over into annoying, like he's slurring his words or has a thick accent. I don't have a problem with a rough, casual way of talking but it frequently goes too far here.

    There's repeated mentions of their two year separation yet Naruto has already turned sixteen here so I'm a bit confused about the timeline here.

    And I was disappointed at yet another story going with fanon's interpretation of Naruto and Hiruzen's relationship. If nothing else, it's more tolerable here since it ties into the monkey theme and serves its part in Naruto's characterization. I'm just tired of it in general.

    The mind-trip was weird. Just...weird.

    That said, I certaintly prefer this to Team 7's Ascension if I was comparing Eilyfe's work.

    3.5/5 rounded up

    P.S. The scene where Naruto imagines Tsunade waxing philosophy with Sakura cracked me up, I'll admit.
     
  7. Inert

    Inert Unspeakable

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    Big fan of Eilyfe, and I try to make sure I tell him as much whenever he posts in the WBA. I won't go super in depth cause sleepy, but this is one of my two favorite short-fics in the fandom. It's right there with In the Presence of Enemies.

    My one qualm is Naruto's dialogue. His accent is weird and took me out of the narrative more than once.

    Other than that, fantastic. 5/5 from me by virtue of Jiraiya's sheer awesomeness and Orochimaru's sheer creepiness.
     
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