Title: Naruto: Myoushuu no Fuuin
Author: May Wren
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure
Pairing: N/A so far anyway
Chapters: 9
Words: 92,529
Updated: Jul 17, 2012
Published: Jan 29, 2011
Status: Abandoned
Summary: A seal had managed to defeat and imprison the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the strongest demon to ever exist. It was just ink on paper-or a stomach, as the case may be-and it held so much power… 'Yeah,' Naruto decided 'I gotta get me some of that.'

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6694302/1/Naruto_Myoushuu_no_Fuuin

This is an alternate universe diverging with canon the night of the Mizuki event. I am at the moment giving it a 4/5 but don't leave it to me, give it a try. I don't give it a 5/5 because I feel Sasuke was OC in the beginning chapters and while usually I would roll my eyes and close the browser, this story caught me.


Checked by Minion, February 11, 2015

 

1. Kunai in the Scroll metaphor?
2. Sasuke sneering and dramatic wrestling from Ino and Sakura?
3. Dramatic re-writing of Naruto's character thus far, with no explanation as to why he's acting smarter?
4. Naruto refuses to actually use a curseword, instead using "f-ing"?
5. Uchiha seat on the council?
6. Overdramatic attitude to Kakashi passing a team?
7. Fanon usage of Kakashi's lateness and apparently no one calling him out on it before Team 7?
8. Mizuki actively trying to teach Naruto wrong with no one noticing?
9. Sasuke curses and apparently discusses his Sharingan with Naruto and Sakura?
10. ... Naruto starts making dozens of different types of shadow clones, even elemental ones.

I can't read anymore of this first chapter. 1/5. :facepalm

 

1. Kunai in the Scroll metaphor?
-Its not that widely used to be a cliche. And how would you explain it to a 12 year old?
2. Sasuke sneering and dramatic wrestling from Ino and Sakura?
- The academy always seems to be thought of as a regular contemporary school. When each person is packing fire power and being taught to fight I can easily see such rivalries being fought with more than words even by the girls. And taken out of context you could just jeer of sexual overtones but its really not that bad.
3. Dramatic re-writing of Naruto's character thus far, with no explanation as to why he's acting smarter?
- Well why is an orphan in canon who lives by himself, so bloody cheerful, and stupid? And I'm not sure about you, but I couldn't take care of myself at 12 none the less earlier. I see changes as a helpful re imagining. Rasengan in canon in less than a week? Shadow Clone in a few hours? I've never thought Naruto was stupid.
4. Naruto refuses to actually use a curseword, instead using "f-ing"?
- I've used f-ing. Its not a refusal to use a curseword at all, just a choice. A person's casual choice.
5. Uchiha seat on the council?
- Konoha is a military dictatorship founded primarily by the Senju and the Uchiha. The author implies that an on a field ninja cannot wield a seat. Criticizing this is like thinking having kages as leaders of a village is cliche.
6. Overdramatic attitude to Kakashi passing a team?
- Definitely a cliche. No argument in defense of it. But whether its on screen or not. Its logical and acceptable. If your contemporaries at work see you oh, using a program to do something faster, even though you swore earlier to never use it instead opting to use the old way, and thus your acquaintances jeer at you, is that foolish and illogical? Its not like overly helpful gringott goblins, Kakashi favoring for unknown reasons one student over the other, or heir-to-all-founders-Harry. Though I suppose you can hit on it for being overly used.
7. Fanon usage of Kakashi's lateness and apparently no one calling him out on it before Team 7?
- Annoyingly yes.
8. Mizuki actively trying to teach Naruto wrong with no one noticing?
- If not Mizuki someone else. Do you want authors to use OC's to do this? The Hokage can't watch our for everything. All the instructors are ninjas.
9. Sasuke curses and apparently discusses his Sharingan with Naruto and Sakura?
- Agreed. Why I gave it 4/5. OC Sasuke in beginning. But as I continued reading, it settled in well.
10. ... Naruto starts making dozens of different types of shadow clones, even elemental ones.
- He did Shadow Clone in an hour. And mechanics of how to make clones has never really been gone over in canon. It could be as easily as math category as to jutsu type. Thinking of it like this, clones types all being inside algebraic equations finding x and y to figure out how to do it. I don't think its much of a stretch.

Give it a chance. It definitely doesn't deserve a 1/5. If you don't like the story idea maybe 2.5. But this isn't crap.

 

It isn't crap, but it isn't good.

1/5 with a 1.5/5 at most.

 

It really, really is. That thing is god damn everywhere.

 

It is. It very much is that widely used.

... They're wrestling for a seat next to a boy in the classroom where they're gaining their assignments as ninja. Neither Ino or Sakura were that retarded this early in the manga.

... Don't make me wish I could slap people across the internet. Naruto was never happy, cheerful or stupid early on. He explicitly stated he hated everyone until Iruka started giving him a chance, his training regime shown early on was actually quite impressive, and someone who lives by himself would be a social retard of the highest levels. He's not a retard, he's book dumb and learns by applying the principles in action.

You've used it in real-life. Naruto just used it in a fucking shinobi world, and actually bothered to censor himself. What kind of twelve year old censors himself.

Konoha is a military dictatorship. Full stop. There is no council besides ad-hoc formings composed of advisors of the Hokage and the Daimyo, as well as the Hokage and the Daimyo themselves. The clans have no obvious role such as seats.

It's not logical or acceptable. They're professionals. Not comedy-styled sitcom coaches. They'd probably note it politely and let it go.

How about no one? How about Naruto actually has difficulties in his studies instead of being sabotaged?

... I literally have nothing to say to your attempt to defend this. You are actually trying to make the excuse that Naruto managed to create elemental clones, clones that require elemental chakra (which in and of itself would require either specific, intensive training or being aware of how the justu in question was modified by the element-specific hand-seal) by bringing up fucking math. :facepalm

I'd give it 0/5 if I could. The only way I'd give a story 2.5 out of five if there were some innovative ideas and average writing involved. This has neither. 1/5 is the standing vote.

 

Wow, its like Hashasheen made a list of thing that I hate most about Naruto fandom. Yeah, fuck that.

 

This is cliche sealing wank. Bleh/5

 

Because stupid people are easy to please? Also, there are likely people checking on him.

 

Water. Bottle. Same thing but not as much used.

Or I don't know, we could have a truly inspirationnal speach about choices and how they made us, wich could push Naruto towards different directions, maybe call Sasuke on his actions at the VotE...

You know, something original.

 

Besides I have my doubts that is how those seals work.

When you use seals for people, animals, and clones, they are not sent into some pocket dimension waiting to be brought back, they are just chilling in another location and then brought over when needed.

I don't see why the seals for weapons and equipment would be any different.

 

Fucking kunai scroll crap.

I'll say the only thing I have to say on that subject, no kunai break its seal and reduce a village to a smear of blood and ash if the scroll is too weak to resist it.

I skimmed ahead to see if it gets better...

The events of Chapter Three, it doesn't.

Spoiler

Team Seven recieves a mission to deliver messages to Jiraiya and Tsunade, Naruto reveals he knows "a guy"(yakuza) who could find them.

After giving Kakashi who is attempting to follow him the slip, he travels through the dark tunnels under Konoha, filled with whimpering groaning people begging for help. Meeting with his old friend the Yakuza boss, he gets his info on Tsunade and buys the debts she has to him for 10% of their value, since the Yakuza knows Tsunade will never pay him.

Sakura fights with her parents, who want her to stop "playing ninja" and settle for an arranged marriage to a man eight years her senior. She refuses and gets thrown out.

They travel to the town where Tsunade will be entering a poker tournament, Naruto uses more of his old contacts to get into the tournament, wins it and uses the money to buy the debts Tsunade owes these Yakuza. Using all the money she now owes him he forces her to return to Konoha.

 

2/5 - there some good points, but many more bad. I liked the thing with Naruto trying learn more about Kakashi and his survival training from some older boy. Also liked the scene in red light, when they search for Jiraiya. Interesting point with Surobati and his schemes, because it's obviously he knew, where Naruto was the whole time.
WTF?!?! with Yakuza and all that stuff, Tsunade having sex for money and all that :O
There too many wrong things think with this Fic. 2/5 overall.

 

When did that happen?

I musta read through like a couple of times and didnt see that part...

 

In chapter 3

It's only allusion, but it was mentioned.

 

She didn't actually sleep with him...it's just a figure of speech. Don't you think the yakuza would be boasting about landing such a legendary ninja?

 

I don't know. I'm reading the first few chapters, skimming really, and the scenes just make me cringe. Every situation Naruto has been in, has been very Gary Stu-ish.

I'm assuming it gets better later on?

EDIT:

Spoiler

So I just got to the point where he makes a seal to transport flood level waters into a lake, like a little portal. Isn't this shit supposed to be on the same level as the Yellow Flash's teleportation technique? Naruto is doing this, as a genin.

At this point, pretty sure he is a Gary Stu.

 

Spoiler

Transporting water in scroll != instant human teleportation.

That said I haven't read the story because of the overwhelmingly critical reviews here. But after Sree's recommendation, I'll give it a shot tonight.

 

@Sree: For a Naruto fan, reading some of the cliches in this fic is like a Harry Potter fan reading yet another Diagon Alley shopping trip where Harry picks up a magical half-basilisk half-vampire wand. We don't want that shit.

Having said that,; the fic is alright, not brilliant. I like Kakashi "bitch, please"-ing the jounin that think he's a washed up wreck but I dislike the touchy-feely relationship Team 7 has degenerated into. The writing itself seems kinda bland to me in places as well.

A tentative 4/5 from me. Wanted to put 3/5 but Kakashi is my favourite character and he's quite cool in this.