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Oneshot On an island in the sun by Zenzao - M - Dresden Files

Discussion in 'Dresden Files' started by H_A_Greene, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. H_A_Greene

    H_A_Greene Unspeakable –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Title: On an island in the sun.
    Author: Zenzao.
    Rating: M.
    Genre: Adventure/Fantasy.
    Status: Oneshot.
    Fandom: Dresden Files.
    Pairings: Loose Maeve/Dresden.
    Summary:
    Challenge: Winter Knight!Dresden and Maeve in an AU post-Cold Days go on a mission of some sort somewhere tropical.


    Answer: Three days after putting a stop to Maeve and Lily's plan at Demonreach, and Harry Dresden is still consumed with guilt and inner turmoil over killing yet another Summer Lady. His day does not get any better when Maeve literally drops into his lap, stripped clean of the influence of Nemesis - and of any clothing, either.

    Sent by Mab to escort and defend Harry as they enter the Hawaiian islands on a mystery mission, one within Summer's more difficult territories at that, they will have to work together to stay alive and make it to the end.
    I consider this one of my better oneshot's and alternate universes for the Dresden Files, between a decently conveyed Maeve and Harry and their gradually developing relationship from start to finish, and the fight scene with the genius loci toward the end with the bit of lead-up with the intermediary enemies before that.

    Keeping in mind what Yak said in the dWBA, I've opted to leave the transition of arrive at Hawaii, encounter base fae, run from intermediary fae, encounter end boss. If anyone else feels it needs to be expanded on I'm more than welcome to give that area a third glance.

    As the author I won't vote on the thread. And, yes, I know of the stigma with doing this. Have at it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2014
  2. Zeelthor

    Zeelthor Scissor Me Timbers

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    A very solid story, in my opinion. Though I wouldn't mind you expanding on it, per say, I'd rather see you write more new Dresden stories. I would love to see more of Dresden and Maeve. They're lots of fun together. 4/5
     
  3. H_A_Greene

    H_A_Greene Unspeakable –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Appreciate it, Zeelthor(and whoever else voted anon, thank you).

    Given the relatively minimum feedback this received in the Dresden WBA I shouldn't be too surprised by the same in the review board. Perhaps Sirius Interruptions would have been the better choice(if I would just update it again...). So. Anybody else want to chip in or should I accept that I underestimated the stigma attached with repping my own work for the Library(ah, hubris. Sooner or later I'll learn) and await this heading to Recycling Bin?
     
  4. Fatality

    Fatality Order Member

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    I don't know, I generally don't have a problem with people recommending their own stories (as long as it isn't someone with less than 5 posts posting their shitty Harry/Snape fic or whatever). I'm generally not very interested in one shots though, which might be why others aren't posting.

    That said, I did like what there was. Your Dresden was pretty good, and I thought Mab's reasoning for throwing him and Maeve together was cool. Overall it was sound writing, technically speaking. I did have a few problems though. Harry was all too willing to go off and do what Mab told him to, especially compared to how much he resisted her at the beginning of Skin Games in comparison.

    Yes, he resisted her for a moment and then he crumpled when the mantle left him (is it canon that resisting Mab means he becomes paralysed on the spot? I thought something like that happened in SG and he could still walk?) but after that he sort of just jumped to it and didn't really question things. I get that it's a oneshot and you want to get to the point, but it still felt out of character.

    It also felt like not much really happened? I wasn't quite sure why they were killing the genius loci (which was a bit of a mouthful for a name - Harry tends to nickname monsters like that when he fights them) other than "Mab says so to fulfill some debt." The fight scene is interesting, then Harry channels some energy towards it and it's dead. Which is kind of anti-climatic, but whatever. Not much happens on the Harry/Maeve front either - you could probably do with a conversation between them post-fight, because their interactions and Mab's plan for them was probably the most interesting thing in the story.

    So yeah, there's my feedback. I get that most of my problems are generally because the story is a oneshot (and that's probably why I don't read oneshots very often) so take it for what you will. Overall I enjoyed it for what it was though, 4/5.
     
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