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Abandoned Other People's Magic by Mr. Ragtop - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by insectamantidae, Jul 14, 2011.

  1. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Does not compute.

    (Bashing fics are by definition badly written).
     
  2. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I liked the story well enough to finish it, but that doesn't mean there weren't a bunch of problems with it. I'm still not rating it over a 3/5 for the thread.

    I like Shezza's review. Granted it is a bit antagonistic, but given the fit this author apparently threw last time it came up I think it's cool. This is a good site for constructive criticism if you're willing to accept it.

    Of course the author replied to your review politely, Wizardmon0073, if all you did was tell him good things what do you expect?

    Snape was WTFPWN'd, yes, but it was handled stupidly. There are so many problems with that entire situation in a fic that is trying to take itself seriously that it's hard to know when to start. Snape was coming along decently as a character for the first 20 or chapters. We didn't see much of him, he picked on Harry in class, asked him hard questions, started to think that maybe he was more like Lily than James, etc. But mostly Snape was just portrayed as a teacher with an attitude problem towards the protagonist. He did try to read Harry's mind once, but Harry stopped it and got a charm from Flitwick to let him know if it happened again and left it more or less alone otherwise.

    Then later (though the pacing in this story is strange, so "later" can both mean "next week" and "20 chapters later" at the same time) he tries to read Hermione's mind. Fine. She's Harry's best friend and knows stuff. But for some damned stupid reason, he can't just try to read her mind, he has to try to read it, then leave some stupidass illegal torture curse behind after he steals the memories he reads. WTF? Where did that come from? And there's no reason for it. Hell there isn't even an attempt to provide a reason for why Snape felt the need to do that instead of just try to read her mind.

    So they pitch a fit, everyone tells Harry that Dumbledore will get Snape off for literally anything he does, they're right, so Harry steals his magic from him (PWNT) after provoking him into attacking another student with a possibly lethal curse in front of Dumbledore and several others. Then he runs around convincing everyone to pick on Snape when he gets back from being investigated/questioned by the Aurors, etc.

    So yeah, he got PWNT, but the entire situation was just crap for a story trying to take itself seriously. Almost every aspect of it was handled poorly in my opinion -- but like so many other things in this fic, it did have potential.

    "Flitwick is important" -- This, plus the interesting concept of Harry's magic to a lesser extent, is what kept me reading to the end. I think that the relationship between Harry and Flitwick developed much too fast in real time (I.e. it might have taken 20+ chapters, but I think that covered about 2 weeks), but I do think Flitwick is pretty cool in this one. Things just happen too quickly in some ways.

    Characterization of Harry and his friends is decent. But while Harry started off more or less acting his age that went out the window for the most part later on. They don't act anything like 11 year olds except in a few situations.

    Yeah there are some interesting ideas, but most of them could be executed a lot better than they are. There are some good characters who develop pretty cool relationships with Harry, but again, it could benefit from some polishing, a good beta, and some constructive criticism. Dumbledore is another example -- there are some parts with potential to him, like the "sharks" in his magical aura denoting how dangerous he is despite his outward appearance, but then he does some really OOC stuff too (too OOC).

    So to sum all of that up -- yeah, I think it could make the recycling bin. It's decent. I enjoyed reading it, but I kept going "Seriously?" for a lot of it. So in my book, it's a rather solid 3/5.

    The sad part is that it has a lot of potential (in my opinion), and if the author wasn't so opposed to improving (according to what folks have said here), it could be great. Mentor/Gaurdian!Flitwick plus a Harry who has very little magical power of his own (but can siphon it from elsewhere to supercharge himself until he runs out), sounds like something I'd really want to read.

    Edit: I left a long review on the website. I was polite and left a very detailed review. I was careful to keep my criticisms (of which there are many) to as even a tone as I could, and made sure to add in various praises for things I liked as well. In short I left about as polite/gushing review as it's possible to give while also handing out a lot of constructive criticism -- I'm curious if it will be accepted or if I'll get a response like Taure's.

    Edit2: And now I realize I left out at LEAST two other things that I wanted to criticize (namely that Harry has learned things too quickly and that there hasn't been a downside to his magical battery abilities yet) because I'm so damn used to being able to edit my posts on DLP when I review stuff, damnit.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2011
  3. Shezza

    Shezza Renegade 4 Life DLP Supporter

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    Why would I waste my time and energy writing a constructive and detailed review on a story I don't really like written by an author who, by all accounts, won't listen?

    Pro tip: I was trolling, mate.
     
  4. Wizardmon0073

    Wizardmon0073 Second Year

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    Uh, did author just delete his story ? Because it sure seems like it to me.
     
  5. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    And nothing of consequence was lost.
     
  6. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Lololol. Butthurt author was more butthurt than anticipated.
     
  7. Wizardmon0073

    Wizardmon0073 Second Year

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    Do you really think so ? Last traffic on this thread was on 15/16 July. Update of his account where he probably deleted his story was on 5 August. Too long for kneejerk reaction and he already had experience with DLP before, so why would another critique from DLP made him delete his story and change his name too ?

    Damn, at the end of June Dream of many dreams´ stories disappeared too. I liked them. I hope this trend won´t continue.
     
  8. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    His account is now called deleted92.

    Also Taure, wtf is with your sig D:
     
  9. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I wasn't meaning specifically with respect to DLP. I was more referring to his complete inability to take even the most gentle and minor criticisms without flying into a massive rage.

    I have no doubt criticism was what caused him to delete. Whether it was DLP's criticism or some random FF.Net review I couldn't say.
     
  10. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Damn. Guess I waited too long to register otherpeoplesmagic.com and archive his story. Juvenile and petty, yes, but the impotent interwebs rage that would've followed would possibly have been worth it...

    Further proof that we regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did.
     
  11. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    Dear Crybaby Author (since I know you'll see this),


    Stealing your idea, making it better. Check back in a week or two.

    <3, Sickest Author Ever
     
  12. Zansatsu86

    Zansatsu86 Guest

    Ffs, I was in the middle of reading this and it gets deleted when i skip from 11-20 to 21. Thats beyond fucking annoying. Kinda glad i missed the snape getting owned bit though. :/

    ---------- Post automerged at 06:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:45 PM ----------

    Err Also? I managed to nab chapter 11-20. If the Above Author needed a reference. I'm interested in reading whatever you come up with.
     
  13. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

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    Zans: Fic was already going downhill @20, went into free fall around 22, you missed little

    Blaise: It was a pretty cool idea regardless of the author's whining and the story's lack of ability to go anywhere ever, I'd definitely read that.

    Ragtop: For the amusement of all, this is about the right time for you to make a raging half coherent post.
     
  14. Nim

    Nim Second Year

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    I'm looking forward to reading that.
     
  15. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    This wasn't that original. Molly Morrison in Lies used something similar -- Harry being able to completely manipulate a spell as someone else formed it -- back in 2003. So author didn't even have that.
     
  16. insectamantidae

    insectamantidae Professor

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    Thank you, Blaise! I really did enjoy the NotAnIdiot!Harry aspect of the story, and I know you'll do it better!
     
  17. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    Story has been removed from FFN, please remove it from the library as well.
     
  18. Greener

    Greener Sixth Year

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    The story still exists though, as does a valid link that was edited into the first post.

    You can get it on yahoo's CaerAzkaban group too...
     
  19. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    Moot point, wasn't good enough for the library anyway.
     
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