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Prison of the Mind by The Modern Prometheus - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Goddessa39, Jun 20, 2008.

  1. Goddessa39

    Goddessa39 DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Messages:
    162
    Location:
    My Mind, Earth
    Title: Prison of the Mind
    Author: The Modern Prometheus
    Rating: Doesn't say, but let's just say 'Mature' just to be safe.
    DLP Category: Hmm... Azkaban or Timetravel Harry. Pick one...
    Genre: Adventure/Humor
    Words so far: 5317
    Pairings: NA
    Status: WIP (two chapters)
    Summary: Not your average Harry goes to prison story. After the final battle Harry is thrown in prison and forgotten by society but he hasn't given up yet and neither has Voldemort! Mild language
    html: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3980932/1/

    It is true that it may be too soon to truly post this here but it was just added it a certain C2 at ff.net and I wanted to keep this in mind.

    So far, it includes Azkaban Harry, time travel, and a twisted HP/LV that isn't really a pairing. As it isn't fully the angst ridden hero we're used to, don't worry about the 'wo is me' crap. Or atleast not yet; it isn't finished or anything. Apparently, with the "end of the war" the wizarding world is content to throw Harry Potter into the hated prison of Azkaban with the dark lord not defeated but stuck within his mind... kinda like a twisted MPD thingie...

    There is some humor, some abstract bashing, some cliche ideas though twisted, and the normal oddball breakout from Azkaban. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that Padfoot doesn't really understand who Harry is upon seeing him for the first time?
     
  2. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    [​IMG]

    Harry eats seagulls.

    Sirius is apparently protective of his cell.

    I have one reason to give a 5/5, I hope I get more!

    Edit: Make that two so far.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2008
  3. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
    Messages:
    1,192
    Location:
    On Melancholy Hill
    If Harry doesn't have sex with with his female self, I'm going to be disappointed.
     
  4. Archer

    Archer Fourth Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2006
    Messages:
    130
    Location:
    New Zealand
    You're not the only one.
     
  5. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    I'm not too far in, but most glaring downfall is the juvenile writing style. Pretty irritating for me to read. The Voldemort in his head dynamic ended by the first chapter, which is a pity.
     
  6. Galleon

    Galleon DA Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    168
    Location:
    United States
    Good so far, but only 2 chapters in almost 5 months?
     
  7. Cathal

    Cathal Sir Nils' Right Hand

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2007
    Messages:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    That was interesting. Voldemort gave me strong Lash flashbacks but everything else seems fine.
     
  8. Krull

    Krull Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2006
    Messages:
    270
    Considering that Sirius has not escaped yet on his own I'm guessing she would be around 13 years old.

    All I can say to that is that I'll be disappointed too if that doesn't happen.
     
  9. lucifer

    lucifer Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    119
    wow I'm only done the first chapter and for the first bit I thought he was jerking off....the writer should change pushups to pullups or tugups
    anyway so far it's not bad..and I to will be disappointed if harry doesn't
    get to screw his girl self.
     
  10. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
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    9,028
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Baile Átha Cliath
    ...tugups sounds even more like he's jerking off. >_>
     
  11. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    2,129
    Fucking wow. Two short chapters and it's already better than 90% of the azkaban fics and alternate dimension fics. It's actually been reasonably clever and original.

    That said, I have very low hopes for this turning into something good. It's more like a crack-fic that just happened to appeal to me in all the right spots.

    When the first chapter ends with:
    A/N: Well this is intended to be a one shot but if I get some positive reviews…or some reviews period…I might be inclined to continue it.

    And the next doesn't come until five months later with this:
    AN: Back by popular demand! I can’t tell you how uplifting it is to see a mail box full of review alerts. I was going to just let this one sit as is but you’ve changed my mind and this plot bunny decided to breed! Hope you enjoy chapter two!

    So just be aware going into this that the author is just making up shit as he goes, and for all you know, we've just read the final chapter he'll manage to post.

    Some people write for attention and reviews. Some people write stories. Some do both. Nevertheless, this start is great fun even in the barely enough to judge 2 chapters/5,000 words.
     
  12. lucifer

    lucifer Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    119
    Yeah that was the point lol...I hope we don't have to wait five months for an update but nonjon's probably got it right.
     
  13. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,604
    Perhaps he posted it somewhere else?

    Anyway, I like it. Sure it got some cliches, but they work well here.
     
  14. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    It was an excellent start. Interesting, if too short. The concept is different,(to me, anyways) and there weren't enough errors to ruin my enjoyment of the fic. A tentative 4/5 for now.
     
  15. Renzhoulawyers

    Renzhoulawyers Sent Back to India

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    51
    Wtf is with your sig? Some pedo-site?
     
  16. lucifer

    lucifer Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    119
    Why don't I remember posting WTF should be the question.
     
  17. Veri

    Veri Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2007
    Messages:
    350
    Location:
    The only state that doesn't suck.
    Huh, I actually enjoyed this. Color me surpised. 4/5.
     
  18. Lincos

    Lincos Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Messages:
    402
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    Fiction Rated: T

    It was clearly stated.

    As for the fic.....

    /me goes to read it.
     
  19. watersoft12

    watersoft12 Looked into the void

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    55
    LOL WUT?

    This was the most hilarious azkaban fic ever, and so better than 99.99999999% of all the other azkaban crap out there. Seriously the whole idea of HP in azkaban is so OC: they wouldn't put HP the boy-who-lived in a fucking prison cell. That would cause a goddam riot. I just can't accept it. Sure they might defame his name some, and maybe try to expell him from Hogwarts (book 5) but that's IT. No more. There are limits. He's still the hero of the wizarding world and people wouldn't accept him placed in Azkaban.

    This story actually makes sense b/c Voldemort is trapped inside HP, and fear is stronger than hero worship any day.

    Good reason + lulz + intriguing plot = WIN

    5/5
     
  20. Kaz Hirai

    Kaz Hirai Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    19
    Harry in Azkaban stories are rarely good. Time travel Harry stories are never good.

    Voldemort is an absolutely evil magical Hitler analogue who killed Harry's parents and caused him all of the suffering he's ever experienced. Harry is the annoyingly righteous martyr-boy who reduced Voldemort's half-century of work and sacrifice to naught. They're mortal enemies, not the Odd Couple. Filling every line of dialogue between them with juvenile banter is ridiculous and makes the work suffer as a whole. The author is too stupid to recognize this, too self-absorbed to care, or too untalented to write convincing H/LV dialogue.

    Also Harry is an animangus.

    If only I could rate this story Zero.
     
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