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WIP Renegade by 1991Kira

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by IBG, Nov 16, 2015.

  1. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    289
    Title: Renegade
    Author: 1991Kira
    Rating: M
    Genre: Drama/Mystery
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Alternate's
    Pairings:
    Summary: They expected him to be a paragon of virtue, a champion of the Light, the personification of all that is good and noble in their world...they were wrong. Explore the legend of a darker Harry Potter, seen from the eyes of friend and foe alike. Multiple POVs. Non-linear narrative. Rated M for violence.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11302568/1/Renegade

    This story is a series of one-shots from the same world showing how different characters were shaped into who they are today, and ultimately how that leads into who Harry is.

    It's been a while since I read the start, and I remember that being very iffey which made me reluctant to recommend it until reading more, but recently it has only gone up in quality at a very rapid rate. The latest chapter (Dumbledore's POV of Halloween 1981) is one of the best Dumbledore's I've ever read, so if you're planning to ditch the story I'd recommend at least reading that first.

    I'd say it's a 4/5.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
  2. Suty

    Suty First Year

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    39
    2/5

    I read the first 4 chapters and the recent Dumbledore chapter. On the one hand, it's pretty cool reading about HP from other POVs where HP is strong and powerful. That first chapter gave me a conspiracy vibe and something of that type would've been 5/5 material for me.

    On the other hand, HP has the wisdom/insight of a man 4x his age, is condescending, somehow knows about plot points he has no business knowing about, and is super OP Jesus.

    To be honest, I was cringing pretty hard throughout.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
  3. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    289
    Now that you mention it I do remember that really annoying me also. Some of the chapters were really crappy in the first half, but since it's a nonlinear character-driven story I only really clearly remember the ones I enjoyed and the recent ones.

    I believe there are some explanations for Harry's wisdom/insight in there, but his charisma and foresight was definitely overdone.
     
  4. Red

    Red High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    502
    This is one of the few fics that gets worse as you read on. As a one-shot or 2-3 chapter story it would paint an interesting characterization of Harry, but more content allows how perfect Harry is to become really grating. That said, it's written well enough and I enjoy Harry's impact on some people like Ron. I'd rate in between 3 and 4 stars. Some chapters make me really want me to give it the 4, while others drag the rating back down.

    Edit: I've settled on a 3/5. As a whole the fic is average. I did enjoy the Neville and Ron chapters but otherwise the story gets old fast.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
  5. ThinkingHurts

    ThinkingHurts Squib

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    The whole thing with the impossible future knowledge and Harry physically beating Snape when he's eleven years old took me right out of the story and I couldn't read anymore. I'd have to give it a 2/5.
     
  6. SeekingSerenity

    SeekingSerenity Third Year

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2015
    Messages:
    90
    High Score:
    0
    Don't forget all-seeing deity Lily, "true" prophesy (ugh cancer , Harry will be great BECAUSE IT WAS DETERMINED BY FATE), illuminati Flamels ,
    harry teaching DA , sry what i meant to say was teaching half the school on magical defense, burdened Albus from heroworship...Just fuck this story
    0.5/5 maybe 1 if we are being generous.
     
  7. Atram Noctem

    Atram Noctem Auror

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    620
    I can't take this fic seriously. It's technically well written, but the dialogue and internal monologues are embarrassing, culminating in the ultimate cringe - "Do you feel in charge, Madam Umbridge?" followed by "I'm Wizarding England's reckoning". From that point on I've read Harry's lines with Bane's voice.

    Then pretty much every character bends swiftly and easily to Harry's will, and feel fear just by looking at him, and muse on how awesome he is. And, of course, Harry just has "a hunch" that Neville's wand doesn't fit him (I suppose he's a time traveler?), and helps him buy a new one, which is like my number one pet-peeve at the moment.

    I like an awesome manipulative Harry just as much as any other guy, but this is just wank.

    2/5, and that's generous.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
  8. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    480
    It's exceptionally well written, but I just feel dirty reading this overpowered Mary Sue masquerading as Harry Potter. There's very little in common this Harry has with canon Harry, whether in action or personality.

    I suppose the similarities between him and TMR were intentional, which would be cool if it didn't have these glaring flaws.

    2/5, guilty pleasure at best.
     
  9. James

    James Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    746
    It's funny, because that's what this Harry does with his bright emerald orbs shining with barely restrained power.

    :fire
     
  10. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    The first few chapters are entertaining enough, but later it goes into historical infodump on Dumbledore's life. I basically held PgDn the last 5 chapters, virtually nothing of interest there.
     
  11. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2011
    Messages:
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    Gender:
    Male
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    i love girl's generation tbh
    High Score:
    1803
    In reading this, I'm torn between wanting to fellate Harry Potter and have him killed off in a series of painful or embarrassing ways.

    More of the second than the first. 2/5 for competent writing?
     
  12. Effulgent Dawn

    Effulgent Dawn First Year

    Joined:
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    U.S.
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    0
    This is pretty much my sentiments. 2/5
     
  13. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
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    702
    Its like a kind of lame version of What Would Slytherin Harry Do?
     
  14. Ashton Knight

    Ashton Knight Disappeared DLP Supporter

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    Did I spot a few TDKR quotes in there somewhere?
     
  15. Eternity Lost

    Eternity Lost Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
    Messages:
    7
    This fic's real downfall is the lack of any significant conflict.

    Harry seems to effortlessly sail past a potential adversary a chapter.

    2/5
     
  16. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    It's eventually explained, but it certainly doesn't satisfy.

    TL;DR: Beaten to death by Vernon, dies. Wakes up again with a legacy of Lily's knowledge. If it wasn't couched with abused Harry it might have been a little more palatable.
     
  17. Zel

    Zel High Inquisitor

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    Ugh, it's been a long time since I saw such a glaring Gary Stu. Seriously, he isn't manipulative, people just bow down to what he wants because of his so called 'charisma' and bright emerald orbs shining with barely restrained power (thanks jZab).

    I would like this way better if Harry was somehow beaten by the power of love. Now that would be funny. Also, the whole Light/Dark business is starting to grate on my nerves, can't people try to be creative for once?
     
  18. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,231
    It's the approach at organizing and telling the story which drew me in and still holds my interest. It partly is really well written and for that I'd rate the story with four stars.

    Like KrzaQ said, though, there are parts I more or less scroll down. Some scenes are painfrull to read, i.e. the info dump on Dumbledore, or the early Dursley years.

    All in all I rate it with 3/5.
     
  19. M.L.

    M.L. Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2014
    Messages:
    395
    Location:
    Beyond the Pale
    If it was just the Ron chapter I'd rate it 5/5, unfortunately there was more. I felt like I was drawn in enough by the taste of strong writing, that I had to finish, but through it all I never hung on to my suspension of disbelief, I was always thinking- well that was stupid. It also included some of my least favorite cliches, perfect Lily and overblown racism. What authors have to realize and I think JK did a bad job showing was that anti-muggleborn sentiment in general seemed to be more classist than racist. They'd be excluded from certain things, feel a bit marginalized, maybe get promoted slower, but it always seemed to be more based on the fact that they have no good connections. Cormac McLaggen for example never outright states that he's a pureblood, and Slughorn certainly doesn't add him to his collection because of it. But thats because it isn't as much about the pureblood title as it is about the people you know through your family, the favors you can call in. It's only the especially rabid Slytherins who take it to the higher extreme. The sort of systemic prejudice shown in this fic goes far overboard.

    Too many flaws to be library worthy, writing is too good for the fic to be bad.

    3/5
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2015
  20. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    In the latest instalment the author seems to have forgotten that the English language does indeed have something called "past tense". The last 4 or 5 chapters are something between boring and painful to read, so I guess it's droppin' time.