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Abandoned Rustlings in the dark by Neisseria

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Seratin, May 2, 2008.

  1. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Title: Rustlings in the dark
    Author: Neisseria
    Rating: T so far.
    Genre: General
    Pairing: H/Padma
    Chapters: 15
    Words: 87,549
    Updated: May 28, 2009
    Published: April 16, 2008
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Alternate fourth year: a forgotten foe plagues Hogwarts and Harry is left trying to solve the mystery as he is plunged into another adventure.
    Link: Link

    Starts of average, but it has an excellent update rate so far and the plot is shaping up nicely.



    Checked by Minion, June 20, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2013
  2. Jenkins

    Jenkins Forum Bike DLP Supporter

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    Like you said, starts of average and I haven't seen enough to judge it well enough though. I like what character work their is so far and it's done enough to keep me mildly interested.

    3/5 for now.
     
  3. Nukular Winter

    Nukular Winter The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    On the plus side: soundly written, chapters have a good size, nice speed of update, interesting story, rare pairing.

    On the minus side: the story is still being laid out, there's amazing potential here but nothing's really happened yet.

    I'm enjoying this story and I think it has the potential to be awesome, but at this point there's not enough written to say whether it belongs in the library or not.

    No vote from me yet.

    Edit: 300 posts. woot.
     
  4. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    A few very interesting twists to a normal 4th year plotline (no TWT) and nice development of Harry's character makes this into a very pleasant read so far.
     
  5. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    ...

    Serry, you fucker, I was going to post that story! *grumbles*

    Oh well.

    I've been following it since it started, and I think it is really promising. The author seems to know what she(?) is doing, and I have high hopes for the romance aspect of it, especially since I got this:

    So far, it has a nice twist in chapter 3 that you don't expect; IMO great characterizations and much 'ambience', meaning, it feels much like Canon; you know, back when it was still good -- it's a forth-year-AU.

    Of course, that could also be a downside for some; if you don't like canonish, you might not like this one. However, if you're looking for a nice forth-year-story, complete with school-stuff (new DADA-Professor), mystery at Hogwarts and (hopefully) believable romance with a pairing that is as good as it is rare, give it a try.

    ATM, I'd rate it at 4/5, with potential for more.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2008
  6. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    This story was pretty entertaining and pleasantly readable. No complaints from me, but nothing stood out as particularly amazing or masterfully done either, except perhaps the political scene.

    4/5 at the moment, with quite a lot of potential.
     
  7. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    @Sesc, lol sorry but I love this story.

    Anyone ever get that feeling when someone gives you a really good link thats everything you want? Favorite pairing, nice plot (so far), good characterisation and a nice update rate.

    Yeah, I've got that feeling now.

    It's got nothing to do with me browsing 'not4chan' right now.
     
  8. Jenkins

    Jenkins Forum Bike DLP Supporter

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    I like the DADA professor. He seems like a well-written charcter from what we've seen so far and no doubt will play a large role. Most of the DADA professor's seem to anyway, thoguh I'm curious as to whether Crouch Jr will be included in this.

    And I liked the train killing, it's a cool little plotline, and the whole 'shrivelled up dead person' thing is sweet.
     
  9. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    It's a good story so far and seems to be picking up momentum. I liked Bill's characterization and the emphasis on Runes and Curses.
     
  10. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

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    Technically, as I mentioned it in the Harry/Padma thread, I should be the annoyed one, but meh.

    Like I said there, it started off meh-ish to me, but has improved over the past couple of chapters. Very fluent and respectable writing as well. Gotta give the praise when it's due.

    I'll wait a little longer before rating.
     
  11. Hadoren

    Hadoren High Inquisitor

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    A very decent story. Much like the beach novels you read. Standard, solid writing, but when you read fanfiction that's something you don't see much of.

    I've only read the first chapter so far, but the conversation is realistic, the characterization is good (the author established Bill's personality in only a chapter, which is pretty impressive), and the style, while not exactly the best I've ever seen, does not bore one to death.

    What this story is missing is something that makes it special, that makes it stand out. Nevertheless, definitely worth the read.

    4/5 but it deserves a 4.5/5 in comparison to the rest of fanfiction.
     
  12. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

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    So far this story looks promising, albeit it will take some time to take off.

    As to the story itself, liked the way the TWT was dealt with (possible sequel) as well as the small fight with Death Eaters after the Cup. The characterization is, at least, very good... those small details like Hermione's behavior. Not to forget the sense of mystery that is slowly building up.

    Unfortunately this story lacks this "spark", this thing that makes story outstanding.. Still, a decent read it is.

    4/5
     
  13. Lucullus

    Lucullus High Inquisitor

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    This fic is certainly promising. The author has already included interesting aspects of magic, such as his focus on runes and curses, and the fight scene was respectably written.

    I particularly like that Harry had to go back to Madam Pomfrey for regular checks to see if there is a relapse of the Blood-Boiling Curse. Most authors would just have the main character brush it off with a five-minute jaunt to a hospital wing.

    It would be even better if the author chooses a slow build-up to the H/P romance, as he seems to be doing.

    4/5 for now.
     
  14. Chicklepea

    Chicklepea Third Year

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    Overall it seems okay.

    I've tried to stop reading bad fics, so I'm getting more and more used to judging others by a higher standard. If I would have read this a few months ago I'd have though it was amazing.

    If the beginning hadn't been mentioned I'd have stopped reading after the second chapter. It seems to drone on and the characterisation just seems off... But as the story moves on the pace quickens and the characters develop.

    I didn't like Hermione. It's a personal view really; a lot of it just seemed like pointless bashing. But it wasn't enough to turn me off the story, just enough to half irritate me when reading it.

    From the little we saw of Padma she seemed really genuine and a nice character. The author also looks like they are going to devlop that slowly.

    Overall I'd say it has the potental to be a great mystery story. I give it a 3.5/5 leaning towards a 4... The only issue for me is the first few chapters.
     
  15. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I like this story and actually didn't mind the first chapter so much, given what the author was trying to accomplish. Stories that depart from canon need to start somewhere. While I agree that the author might have benefited from starting with Harry's arrival at the Burrow, the salad scene, a bit of civil disobedience on Harrry's part, at least stayed faithful to canon while showing a bit of "Harry with backbone." I also liked the curse breaking/rune stuff at the end, which has already been mentioned.

    The story does have a feeling of Hermione bashing, but I think it's less a matter of going OOC with Hermione as cherry-picking aspects of her personality that paint her in the most negative light (and Harry's picking up on these things more than in canon). The author's portrayal of Ginny was quite good and in an economy of lines.

    The pacing of the story reminds me of that of the first few books, where the mystery was the primary driver of the plot and not a subplot, subordinate to a game, Umbridge-fighting, monster-in-the-chest, or road-tripping. She's put enough intrigue into the story to catch my attention. I'm giving this a 4.5/5 because I think her auspicious start will pan out. (And I have nostalgia for these kinds of stories).
     
  16. Dirk Diggory

    Dirk Diggory Seventh Year

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    I like it. Yeah, Hermione is probably more annoying than she is in the books. But book Hermione would be pretty damn annoying to me in real life too so I can let it slide.

    Not too sure what to think about the author being named after gonorrhea though.
     
  17. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    I said it already in the other thread; I don't think there's any bashing going on. Normally, you bash a character by making them OOC, in a negative way, i.e. like dumping countless undesirable character-traits on their person, so that your 'good' guy, and by extension, the reader, is able to hate them easily.

    Here, that very premise isn't there -- Hermione is very In-Character, if you compare her to the books (3, 4), she's spot-on.

    It rather makes me wonder if there isn't a big misunderstanding about Hermione's character around. Yes she's smart and she's Harry's friend, she can be helpful, caring and loyal (well, most times). But she is also bossy, annoying, condescending, insensitive and narrow-minded. Not all of the time, obviously, but all that is in books three through seven, as important character-traits of her.

    The person that is purely brilliant, always understanding, very sensitive and all-around perfect is Fanon. It doesn’t exist.

    The only thing different in this story, compared to the books, is, that when she does get on everyone nerves, they actually have the NATURAL reaction to that: they get irritated (Bill, Harry). And seeing as they don't go over the top with that, like suddenly starting to rant and giving her a verbal lashing or whatever, it makes the story better, not worse. It's more realistic.

    Exactly this reaction from everyone around her was far too often missing in Canon, to a point were I actually threw the book at the wall, because it was so damn frustrating. And maybe it was this missing reaction from the Canon-Characters, that created the Fanon-view of her.

    But either way, stop complaining to the author that she effectively writes Hermione as she is. Makes me hoppin' mad. If you don't like her in this story, then you are realizing why I didn't like her in Canon since book three.

    /rant

    Exactly was I was trying to say. I doubt I would find the early books so completely captivating as I did back then when I read them for the first time and was much younger, but this story is just advanced enough to hold my interest, while still having the feel of the first books. A good job from the author, IMO.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2008
  18. Chicklepea

    Chicklepea Third Year

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    The author focuses mainly on them, only focusing on her negative points. If you don't like the canon Hermione you are bound to like this one, and if you like the Canon Hermione, although you won't hate this one, there is a chance it might annoy you a little. That is all.

    The personality traits of Hermione are correct, in fact it is not that that really annoys me. It just seems as though Hermione, although smart, is pointless. She knows nothing of use and just gets in everyones way. Her brains mean nothing because she doesn't know how to use them. THAT is what I meant by sort of Hermione Bashing. On a small scale. A very small scale. It just irritated me.

    Hermione's personality DOES have a purpose though. The author has reasons for Hermione being less brilliant and always feeding Harry the answers, and so I accept that. It is not pointless bashing. (I asked the author, which is why I've changed my mind about pointless bashing)
     
  19. afrojack

    afrojack Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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  20. Neisseria

    Neisseria First Year

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    It's rather strange reading the comments here. Especially strange about the Hermione comments since I wasn't deliberately bashing her.

    At Jenkins: Crouch Jr's out of the picture entirely. I found it funny that you thought the Defence teacher well-written since someone told me I made him sound like a pirate. I was going for a northern accent but sort of failed. I'm blaming it on the fact that I don't really talk to the locals when I'm up north for uni.

    And I agree with everyone about the meh-ish start. I needed to pick somewhere to start and that was it. There was originally going to be a prologue but it would have revealed too much and made the mystery going on much easier to guess at. As it is I'm continually surprised that no one I know of has even an inkling of what's going on. But that's a good thing.
     
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