Now this starting to piss me off. Is every chapter about Naruto telling someone he is an jinchuuriki? Besides that this chapter was meh.

 

I like it, still better than 90% of Naruto fics out there. Quality is good. Long chapters. Slow pace. No pairings. What more can you want? I think it is more of a preference.

4.5/5

 

I just jumped into the beta spot for this story, so I'm hoping to help Nobody with his atrocious tense problems. He changes tense between each scene, though sometimes he will do so dead in the middle of one and it's hard to recognize if he's trying for past tense or present. Hell, I don't even think he knows. I'm going to have to redo almost every scene in chapter eight, I think, and that takes time and effort. I can at least give him some slack, as he's from Croatia and English isn't his native language.

I really enjoyed this story, if for nothing else then Naruto's characterization during the first few chapters. I've never seen Naruto's petulance and need for attention shown through words so well before. Most of the time he just cries about his life, something happens, and he starts on Indie!Naruto Quest To Become Hokage with a new outlook on life.

Sasori, while rather OOC in my opinion, is refreshing in the fact that he so avidly foils pre-Genin Naruto. I just think that he, as well as the rest of Naruto's trainers, are becoming the main focus of the story rather than continuing the plot.

 

Good job, glad he isn't stopping. I like this story, one of the only few new good stories out there. I sure could use a beta for my Naruto fic...

 

updated again. And... very good ending

 

Very good ending.

Spoiler

I just hope he doesn't bring her back. Though this does give Naruto a good reason to absolutely massacre Neji in the finals. Doubt this Naruto would be fazed much by a standard beat down, even a cruel one.

 

Spoiler

I hope he uses her as his first human puppet.

 

The writing in the story makes this really annoying.
It changes tenses all the time, is kinda mechanically written, and isn't a pleasure to read.

I like some ideas, but the fic just kinda turns me off.

 

Very cool fic, I recommend.

I especially loved Naruto's genre-savvy behavior in the latest chapter.

4/5.

 

Spoiler

I'm really hoping Sasori is picking up all these corpses of bloodline ninja. Haku and Kimimaro puppets would be pretty cool. And I guess maybe the sound four, but their gimmicks always struck me as a little lame.

 

...do... want... more... updates...
I need them like a drug.

 

Surprised I read through this. The grammar/tense errors were appauling, and Naruto making friends with almost everyone was just annoying. But the story was executed responsibly, and Sasori/Kabuto show some potential for being interesting. I was looking forward to seeing how Hinata would develop, but, bleh. As long as she isn't used as a revenge/angst device for the rest of the story, it's fine.

3.5/5

 

Updated, and this chapter was... disappointing.

It all felt very unpolished and crammed in. There was enough plot material for two or three chapters here, instead everything of importance was glossed over and rushed through, leaving me wondering what the hell was going on. Not to mention some sections were plain wtf moments.

Spoiler

Naruto, while retrieving Tsunade with Jiraiya and Kabuto, gets ambushed by Orochimaru commanding Sand ninja, just before Akatsuki show up. All this in a space of a couple paragraphs.

Frankly this seemed like a half-hearted update attempt to show it's not abandoned that fell very short of his usual standard of work, which is a real shame because while not being the best Naruto story around, it definitely was the most enjoyable in terms of character growth.

 

I didn't know what you were talking about at first. I though the first half was pretty good, or alteast consistent with the rest of the chapters. But wow, the second half was ridiculous. Unpolished and crammed is right.

 

Heh yeah I must have deleted half my review. To clarify I didn't really have a problem with the first part of the chapter, though it still felt somewhat rushed.

 

I totally agree. I wouldn't say unpolished, but crammed and rushed were definetly words of the chapter. We needed a chapter to deal with Hinata's preliminary fight, to see how that would end. By dealing with the final repercussions of her fight later, its going to loose a lot of its impact, diluted with all the crap that happened at the end of this chapter. I'm still loving the fic, I'm just a little disappointed.

 

Am I the only one who read the title and immediately thought the story was about Scorpion from Mortal Kombat becoming Naruto's mentor/teacher?

 

Most likely, yes.
In regards to the update, the first half was pretty good up until all the bad guys found Naruto and company.

 

3.5/5 from me. It's starting to grind on and get less interesting as it goes.

 

He has abandoned it today, however he was kind enough to give us the details of his plan for the story before it ended.