Abandoned Surrogate of Zero by Charles Bhepin - T - Evangelion / Familiar of Zero Crossover

Discussion in 'Evangelion' started by Mors, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Title: Surrogate of Zero
    Author: Charles Bhepin
    Rating: T
    Genre: Fantasy/Humour
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 76,977
    Updated: January 26, 2012
    Published: December 8, 2011

    Status: Abandoned
    Fandom: Evangelion x Familiar of Zero
    Pairings: N/A
    Summary: Being a documentary of the interactions of Shinjicus Ikaricus Ineptus, in Halkeginia, the natural habitat of the Tsundere. Narrated by Langley-Sohryu, Asuka, PhD.

    Link: Surrogate of Zero

    This is, in my humble opinion, the best Familiar of Zero crossover currently going on. Brought to us by Charles Bhepin of 'Shinji and Warhammer 40k' fame, this is a rewrite of his earlier story 'Points of Familiarity'.

    'Points of Familiarity' dealt with a post-Death-and-Rebirth! Shinji Ikari, alone in the world and the unwilling bearer of Instrumentality, being given a chance to come to a world he has not yet destroyed... being the familiar of a certain 'Zero'. That story leant towards horror, emphasizing the fact that Shinji, by all intents and purposes, was an eldritch abomination from beyond the stars who could break the world, trying to live a simple human. The author gave up on it after 6 chapters, which was frankly a shame, but this story improves on it - something I hadn't thought possible. PoF was something like a Horror/Slice-of-Life/Humour mishmash. SoZ plays up the Humour angle and manages to be funny at all the right places. More than that, Asuka who often came off as a snarky voice in PoF really starts to shine here. Her and Shinji's interplay has actual care in it, an undertone of fateful romance that incredibly improves both their character portrayals.

    I think I should quote what the author himself has to say:

    So there you have it. The fic is currently at 6 chapters and 65k+ words. Seeing that PoF had progressed further in terms of plot, I'm very hopeful that Charles has a lot in mind for this fic.

    4.5/5 from me. Feel free to form your own opinions.


    Checked by Minion, April . 29, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2013
  2. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    No. It was not a shame. I was on the TFF site and what he stated for what he was going to do to the story was absolutely retarded.

    This story is quite amazing good. My only fear is that it will end up going the same way but for now, 5/5.
     
    Mog
  3. Erandil

    Erandil Headmaster

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    It is an interesting and strange story.. The relationship between Shinji, Asuka and Rei is somewhat disturbing but makes for an interesting way of story telling.
    My only fear is that he loses his goal/plot like with his Warhammer-story but if he can focus on a few key characters and a not to twisted plot this story can be great...

    4/5 Because even after 60k words it feels like the story hasn´t really begun.
     
  4. Tesla

    Tesla Auror

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    Much better version of Points of Familiarity, which I already liked. The narration's cool, the characters are fleshed out and there's some badass moments too. 5/5.
     
  5. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Oh god, I hated that fic.

    He did? Thank you. I was getting bored of it and didn't want to struggle through the latest updates. Now I don't have to.

    Pretty much this. Surrogate of Zero is an incredibly better take on the Points of Familiarity concept. 4/5. Maybe 5/5 if he can maintain it.
     
  6. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    It's pretty much a direct remake of Points of Familiarity, with certain lines and scenes pretty much exactly the same. It is a lot better though. Less cheesy, and with way better narration.

    The concept is a bit bizarre. Somewhat interesting nonetheless, but limited. Apart from being a bit messed up in the head, and with a bit of perspective on life he can impart on Louise, what can Shinji do in that universe? In Points of Familiarity he was ridiculous since well, he pretty much became a God with the Third Impact. Here his powers seem different, and somewhat out of place. His character feels a bit inconsistent at times too.

    But despite all of that, this fic is made due to the way its presented - with a Re-Take style Asuka following him around, with a lively, and comical commentary. That just makes it very entertaining.

    4/5 for prose, and originality (obvious, not counting Points of Familiarity here...).
     
  7. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Actually, his "powers" are still there. It's just that the voices in his head have designed a system which limits his game-breaking possibilities. Remember, to the mages he's supposed to be a commoner who can master a portion of the power of a dead goddess - not a theological threat, in his own words. Throwing out his own soul and dissolving people, or breaking spacetime itself? That can be near enough construed as a Divine territory that the Church will take an interest.

    In fact this is a very neat power system since it follows its own set of intricate and consistent rules ("mess with the four fundamental elements" etc, afair). This ensures that he'll always be able to explain away his weird powers.

    Anyway, the latest update (after I started the thread) was pretty good. Waiting for more!
     
  8. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I managed to read up to chapter 7.

    My problem with this story is that up to now it's basically retelling the story of Familiar of Zero without any new twists.

    Shinji's dialogues with Asuka and Rei are well done, but they don't help enhancing the plot. Shinji is replacing Saito in a way that one might think the author just changed the names. Of course Saito wasn't able to beat Guiche that fast and convincing, but apart from that I don't see anything new.

    The author could have taken any path, but he strictly follows the original plot- and comical line with all the flirting and sexual innuendo. If you haven't seen or read "Familiar of Zero" that might be ok, but if you already know the key element of that series, this story becomes boring really fast.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2012
  9. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Well, from what I see, the story just finished the beginning stages. Not much has actually happened for the author to deviate sharply from canon. Also note that Shinji and Saito are completely different characters, so even if they take the same decisions their paths to that singular choice are drastically different.

    But yeah, Behpin is probably gonna shake things up soon. Though I suspect arriving at canon ZnT events from a Shinji/Asuka viewpoint might be even more interesting...
     
  10. CareOtters

    CareOtters Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    So much of this fic is rendered annoying by the author trying too hard. The narration could work much better with a gentler touch. And without pop culture references. Pop culture references are never the right choice. Ever. And the incessant fourth-wall breaking is more of a clumsy author's note left scattered throughout the text than anything else.

    It's full of the juvenile pretentiousness which plagues the Evangelion fandom. So over the top at times that it almost parodies itself.

    With that said, after gritting my teeth and forcing my way through the first chapter it began to read a bit smoother. Almost like when you spend some time talking to someone with a thick accent and it takes a little while before you start making out the actual words amongst all those extra vowels.

    I can understand why people enjoy this. It's a slow build and abandoned, having accomplished very little because 70% of the text is given over to the inane rambling of the narration. I would not at all be surprised to learn that the author is on high doses of ADHD medication.

    This is your mind on ritalin.

    3/5
     
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