Nice.

Someone, hit me with a prompt.

 

Challenge: "If I live through this, I'm going to kick your ass."
Time: 20 min

 

Challenge: "If I live through this, I'm going to kick your ass."
Word Count: 1,312

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I stared at my mentor, mouth slightly open in shock. The noodles that were halfway inside slid out and back into the broth filled bowl with a splash. The partially chewed piece of mapo tofu, however, remained; thankfully, it only took a second before I had enough sense of mind to lift the bowl up to my mouth and guzzle down enough broth to wash the spicy confection out of my mouth.

Swallowing, I slammed the bowl down onto the counter-top of Ichiraku Ramen. “Care to run that by me again,” I asked, hoping that, somehow, I had heard wrong.

Tsunade smirked at me, snapping open one of her many fans to cover her mouth. It featured a massive tree along a coastline standing strong against a powerful storm. In the back of my mind, I noted that the makers mark signified it was a 7th century work by Kasabe, and would likely fetch a very good price from a court noble.

The fan went well with the form my mentor had chosen for today. She was small – even sitting down, I was taller than her – with brown hair tied up in a traditional bun and kept in place by a pair of lacquered chopsticks. She was wearing a purple kimono that had a traditional cut to it, and was doing an excellent job at hiding the curves that I knew were there.

I didn't try to find them though; my wandering eye had gotten me beaten to the ground by my mentor far too many times already. I kept my eyes locked firmly with hers – dark blue instead of the usual brown – and waited for her response.

“Oh ho? Has your vaunted hearing failed you, student?” Her gaze sharpened, and I knew that behind her fan was a shark's grin. “Perhaps we should forgo tonight’s festivities in favor of retraining your muted senses?

I kept myself still, eyes locked with Tsunade's, though I desperately wanted to shiver at the implicate threat; to show weakness now would be the worst thing that could happen.

A moment passed before Tsunade said, “You're no fun.” Snapping her fan shut, she pointed at me with it. “You will be attending my yearly poker game in my stead.”

“The one with a twenty million buy-in between you, Lord Takakage, Honomoronoichi, Lady Subae, and Lady Koishinama?”

Tsunade nodded happily. “Indeed.”

“Do I even want to know why?”

She scowled. “I'm sick of that crotchety tengu ogling my tits every year.”

My eye's didn't snap down to look at her chest. Nope. Not at all.

I blinked as I remembered something about my teacher's yearly game with the most powerful spirits of Mount Hino. “Aren't you the only human they've ever allowed to join their game?” At her nod, I continued. “So that means I'm going to have to pretend to be you, right?”

“Indeed,” Tsunade said happily. “I already have the twenty million you'll need to join back in the hotel room, so change into me when you to get the cash.”

I nodded, humming under my breath. Then I stabbed my chopsticks in the air in her direction and yelled, “Why!?”

She lifted an eyebrow at the chopsticks. I lowered them, sheepishly. “Didn't I just tell you that I –“

“Yeah, yeah, don't want Lord Takakage staring at your tits,” I said, waving my empty hand dismisively, “But why do I have to go instead? Can't you just not go?”

“No,” said Tsunade. Sighing, she lifted up one of her fingers. “For one, it's in the contract I wrote that I have to play every year.”

I winced. Spirit contracts weren't the kind of thing anyone wanted to mess around with. They tended to be tricky, both in terms of wording and conditions, and woe betide anyone who was found to have breached the contract.

I had signed one spirit contract in my life, and that was the one that Tsunade had me sign in order to become her pupil.

“Two,” She continued, “You need experience interacting with powerful spirits. you've been my student for three years, and while you've had plenty of interactions with the low-hanging fruit, you've yet to meet any stronger than a three-tail. Takakage is a five, Subae and Koishinama are both sixes, and Honomoronoichi is a seven.”

I winced. “I don't think Yasumoro would appreciate being called a 'low-hanging fruit'.”

Tsunade growled. “That grabby asshole should be happy I refer to him as anything but dinner.”

I resolved myself to not tell her I'd seen the tanuki earlier today. I liked the guy, awkward and accident prone as he was, and had no desire to see him hunted down and added to a hot-pot by Tsunade.

“Finally, this is a test.” I perked up slightly at that. “Your illusions have improved a lot over the last month, and now's the time to see just how effective they are.”

My mouth twitched upwards. “So you're sending me off to play in a poker game with four of the most powerful spirits of Mount Hiro,” I asked dryly.

Tsunade smirked at me. “Sink or swim, kido; it's the best way to learn.”

I grunted in agreement; I've always been a hands-on kind of learner, and this was most definitely hands-on.

“So what happens, “ I said, “When they find out I'm not you?”

“It won't.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Humor me.”

Tsunade rolled her eyes. “Nothing, actually.” At my surprised look, she grinned. “The contract I signed said that 'either myself, or a chosen representative bearing my mark, must attend every year'.”

“Your mark?”

Tsunade smiled. Tucking the fan into the obi of her kimono, she reached behind her neck with her hands. A second later, they were holding the two ends of her necklace. My eyes widened in shock when she stepped forward and clasped it around my neck.

“There you go,” She said softly, “Now they'll know.”

“Tsunade,” I said, almost choking up, “I-”

“Can it, kido.” She ruffled my hair. “Just make sure you return it, alright?”

I nodded. I caught the gem in my hand and brought it up to the light. The crystal exploded with color as I rotated it. Beautiful.

Tsunade clapped her hands together, startling me. “So,” She said, “Now you don't have anything to worry about. Even if they see through your illusions, you'll be safe”

I could only agree with her. As long as I had this necklace, there was no way the four spirits wouldn't recognize me as a representative of Tsunade.

“Besides,” She added, “Subae will adore you, and Honomoronoichi will approve of your illusions. So don't worry about that old crow; they'll keep him in line if something happens.”

“And Lady Koishinama?”

Tsunade twitched. “If that student-snatching pedo tries anything, I'll grind her to dust.”

“You're not exactly imbibing me with confidence here.”

Tsunade grinned and gave me a lazy shrug. “What's the worst that could happen?”

My eyebrow twitched. “If I live through this, I'm gonna kick your ass.”

“Noted,” She said dryly. “Now get going, my eighty-million isn't going to win itself!”

Sighing, I slurped down the last of my noodles before getting up and leaving Ichiraku Ramen. I'd been hoping to spend the rest of my evening at the traveling food cart catching up with Ayame and her dad. Oh well. I cracked my neck as I started walking back to the hotel Tsunade and I were staying at.

Time to go infiltrate a poker game.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

I want to read the rest of that so much.

 

It's definitely gotten me fired up to write more. At least more set-up, the poker game, and the fallout (cause there's always fallout). Not sure if I'll turn it into the start of a whole story though. It depends on if I can figure out a good long-term plot.

 

I'm definitely interested in whatever you come up with for it. I'm not convinced it's actually Naruto, but it's good shit nonetheless.

 

Line: "If that's my greatest weakness, then what's yours, Itachi?"
Time: Any, though preferably <30 minutes.

Throwing it out there, if anyone finds it interesting.

 

Good to hear. I'd like to see how that kind of 'narutoverse' might look, so good luck with writing it. Your last piece here had me smiling the whole way through.

Dude. Seriously, you have got to expand on this sometime. Freaking awesome.

Would definitely read more of, but I second what Agayek said - it doesn't quite feel like Naruto, but so what.

Excellent. Here's hoping y'all enjoy the next one, then.

The immediate reaction he received was a startled oath from the receptionist before she ducked back and hid behind her reports, and a handful of jumpy Chunin, each managing to latch onto the ceiling with chakra and hang there well out of his way with widened eyes.

Naruto Uzumaki was no drunken Fifth, smacking around her subordinates when they got too lippy, and certainly not susceptible to the rage felt by the Second and his vendetta against certain clans, but by Kami, when he went off it was best to make yourself scarce in his immediate vicinity. The aftermath of the Fourth Shinobi World War was proof enough of that lesson, and most of the villagers knew it.

The only one not surprised by the outburst was, of course, the culprit of the crime - Hatake Kakashi. The oldest Sharingan user still alive let out a low exhalation and finally shoved the spare A-ranked scroll back in its slot, grasping the other quite firmly between the fingers of his left hand, and turned to greet his Hokage after the regularly-expected delay of several seconds.

"I thought you liked animals, Hokage-dono," Kakashi answered simply. He smiled that stupid smile that made it look like his eye was upturned as much as his mouth, a trick of the facial features that Naruto still couldn't puzzle out even after all of the years since first seeing it, and he let out a quiet growl of warning. It was met with a shrug before Kakashi elaborated his point.

"Kamui's been acting up ever since Obito died, actually. It dragged in and spat out that giraffe while I was scouting through Grass country yesterday evening and deposited it, well, here," he shrugged again a bit helplessly. "I suppose it could have been worse - I was staring down an elephant just a few moments beforehand..." he trailed off into a mindful silence, clearly reviewing the scene in his mind's eye.

Naruto stared at him incredulously. In the back of his head he knew that Kakashi was likely kidding him, and that if not then the Sharingan faltering was a serious issue that would need to be reviewed in short order.

'In short order' meant at least three days away in his current mood.

"So get rid of it!" the Hokage hissed back at him.

Kakashi exhaled and raised his hands apologetically. "Well, I'd like to, Hokage-dono, but who knows where it might land if I did succeed in removing it from your office? If this incident isn't mere coincidence, some higher power might very well be directing it into the offices of the nations' 'kages. Perhaps into the Kazekage's office next time, or the Tsuchikage's. Heaven forbid," he paled a little and said melodramatically, "that it land in the Raikage's office!"

Reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, Naruto did a quiet count to ten underneath his breath as Iruka-sensei had told him to do as a boy, having remembered or learned many such little means to bring him a bit of calm again since claiming his current position in the village.

It did not help.

He lowered his hand and looked straight into his old mentor's lone visible eye. "Get it out of my office by the time I'm back, Kakashi, or your next assignment for the foreseeable future is a trip to Sound and finding a means of appeasing Sasuke's thirst for vengeance before it comes after the Council's throats!"

While Kakashi stared back in feigned concern for his well-being, Naruto snatched the A-ranked scroll from his left hand and shoved it into a pocket on his father's robe, then hastened to claim the next half-dozen B- and C- as well; he would not be giving the Jounin the chance to wander off on a mission while he himself was venting his woes on the backside of an overgrown molehill.

Kakashi sighed in good-graced defeat and bowed to his Hokage's will, and only once Naruto had shot out the doorway like an Akamichi chasing after a run-away wheel of cheese did he confess, softly so that the others would not hear, "Perhaps Sakura has the right idea about his stress relief after all."

---
​

Several minutes later and a white and faintly-yellow blur was leaping through the underbrush clogging up the way to his intended location. It was joined by a second and, most of the way there later, third such identical blur. At last the trees along the way thinned out to some degree and the trio of Naruto's emerged into cloudy sunlight.

Only a handful of miles splintered their imminent destination from that of Konoha proper, but that was good - just far enough away not to scare the civilian villagers, and yet also near enough to spook any shinobi and kunoichi that would probably hear as much as see the damage taking place.

Any of them that took notice were welcome to come and get an up-close view of exactly what it was that the Sixth Hokage could still do without a Bijuu in his belly.

"You two have the general idea?" Naruto asked his first clones. It had come to him along the way, the final piece in mind, but the overall concept had been building up ever since that first incident a week ago.

"Yeah. Lets do this," they nodded energetically, cracking knuckles as well as wide smiles. This was going to be fun, it was going to be relaxing, and it was going to be entertaining as hell when they were done.

Naruto smiled vengefully along with them as he formed the handseals of the kage bunshin again. Close to ten more identical clones burst into being around the others.

---
​

For close to an hour, the noise of regular explosions echoed back along the wind until reaching the edges of the village. Some of the closer clan districts were the first to clue in on something being amiss, among them the Hyuuga's. They were also among the first to give a collective sigh of embarrassment for their Hokage's antics, warning off their neighboring clans in an attempt to preserve any dignity that he might have left, and finally the first to indulge his crude humor and go to find out what in the hell had happened to convince him to do this practically in Konoha's backyard.

Hinata lead the charge, so to speak. She had avoided Naruto in the wake of his recovery after the war, in part out of respect for his role, and this would be the first time that she had the courage to try and speak to him directly since taking his hand before facing down Obito and Madara Uchiha atop the Juubi's head.

Of course a few other Jounin joined in before they were past the gates. It was a relatively small party, with a handful of Jounin-sensei's and two other members of the Konoha Eleven, including Kiba and Shino.

The lot of them emerged to the last few heavy booms, as earth was carved and shaped violently and smoke erupted to blur the air. Only a few panting Naruto's remained out of the original thirteen to begin working on the process, the rest either taken out by flying shrapnel, chakra exhaustion, or plain fatigue on the maker's part.

The fatigue etched into their Hokage's face was clear as he leaned back and stretched slowly, his hat and robe dirtied by the work. He slouched in his posture when he relented from the abominable strain to most of his muscle groups, only then turning to see he had a party to welcome.

"Naruto-sama, what exactly are you thinking?" Hinata asked quietly. The veins around her milky-white eyes stared through the dust at the demolished mountain.

He grinned widely, flicking his head in mutual respect to the instructors and old team-rivals trying to get the same glimpse that the Hyuuga heiress had.

"Some have said there is no subtlety to mass kage bunshin and rasengan," he began instead of directly answering her question. He gestured around himself and his remaining clones summoned the strength to create a heavy gust to clear the air before they dissipated. Moments later quiet chuckles and disbelieving stares met his efforts. "You know what? They're dead."

The mountain had been carved, cut, and blown up until it was smoothed out into a replica of Kurama. Only half his natural scale, of course, but the fur was notched and jagged looking, the fangs honed to an edge, and each of the nine tails seemed poised to snap out and crush a foe beneath their weight. The eyes glinted with the polish applied.

Anyone that thought to harass Konoha again from this direction in the future to come would see his work and begin the rumor mill that maybe, just maybe, the old Tailed Beasts weren't quite as eradicated as they had seemed.

===

Roughly 1454 words. That was definitely fun, but uh, yeah, I went past the quoted limit. I'll say I took that "give or take" to mean "give or take half the words available."

EDIT: And I'll take another, thank you kindly. Might even manage to trim my words back to fit your limits

 

So, uh, I'll take another challenge. And hope to see some more posts in here - this has been a great deal of fun compared to the usual TGYH thread.

EDIT: Thanks, Celestin. I'll see what I can make of that one.

 

Prompt: Naruto is a respected Hokage, but his closest friends tend to walk all over him. He decides that it's time to change that.

Length: 1000-2000 words

It could be taken in few directions though personally I was thinking about him pranking them somehow. Maybe making them "discover" there is more to him than he ever let them know.

But do whatever you want with it.

 

I will take a challenge, but a short one (500-750).

By the way, I was thinking about starting TGYH thread for GoT, but I'm not sure if anyone is interested in it.

 

Make it, and they will come.

Prompt: And that was when Naruto got his first handfull of titty.

 

Naruto Uzumaki is Konoha's most surprising ninja and my godson.

I must admit that I wasn't the best godfather in Five Nations, but I had my reasons. When I finally had a chance to meet him I did my best to teach him everything that he needed to know about the world.

Everything but one thing that I was waiting with until he's a little older.

Then I died.

Afterwards my godson won the Fourth Shinobi World War and became sixth Hokage at age of sixteen.

I could say that I did a pretty good job as his mentor if not for a one detail. It's four years later and he has yet to lose his V-card.

Not because he wasn't interested in girls or they weren't interested him. There was this one, Hinata. Very cute and with a body other women would kill for. But she was too shy to make a move and Naruto lacked a confidence to do it himself. Which was my fault really, because three years of traveling with me created a false expectation of what he should be able to perform in the bed.

I really failed him as a godfather.

But there was another person down there who thought that it's time to change that.

*

"Hokage-sama," said one of his assistants.

"Yes?"

"You have a private meeting planned."

"I remember. Nobody is to interrupt it unless there is a war is about to start," Naruto said.

He wasn't sure why Tsunade asked him for this unexpected meeting and in full secrecy too, but my teammate had a big surprise for him.

When Naruto entered his office he sealed it from the outside world. From this moment everything that happened inside stayed inside.

Which is exactly what my teammate wanted.

Next thing Naruto noticed was Tsunade sitting one top of his desk wearing nothing.

That wasn't exactly true. She did wear two things. Her high heels and Hokage's hat.

I must admit that she looked sexier than ever. It probably had something to do with her having a body twenty years old younger gifted to her by Naruto and confidence and experience that only age can give you.

This was one of the reasons why she decided to teach my godson about this stuff. Before that she simply felt too old for him, but now with her youth restored she didn't have these eservations.

The other reason why she decided to do it was a letter I left her explaining situation. I wasn't sure if she will take it seriously and for a long time she didn't. But after few years even she did admit that Naruto's lack of confidence was getting ridiculous. It was time to change that.

Tsunade came closer to Naruto and led him to Hokage's chair.

He sit down in it and she bent closer.


And that was when Naruto got his first handfull of titty.

The rest you will be able to read in my next novel of Icha Icha series titled “Icha Icha Leadership”. Available to buy in every bookstore for spirits.

 

You, sir, are an evil and despicable person to end it at such moment

 

If I ever learn how to write a good smut I will make a sequel to this short. And by good I mean Big D level of good which means you shouldn't expect it to ever happen.

 

Since this seems to have died down, I figured I would try my hand at coming up with a mildly humorous challenge.

To: Anyone willing to give it a shot.

30-120 minutes.

Challenge:
Naruto discovers/invents a training technique that works amazingly well with his clones, old school Olympic Wrestling. Nude, and oiled up like Schwarzeneggar in his glory days.

Pre- or Post time skip is up to the author.

Suggestions to author.

During Sage training.

Zabuza/Haku fight.

VS- Neji of course.

Have fun with it!

 

This might not be quite what you had in mind, but I've had a focus on the other Kages not quite respecting Naruto on my own mind ever since I first tried writing this challenge response a while ago. I finally sat down and wrote this today over about an hour and a half.

===
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EDIT: :facepalm

This is why I need to stop posting when I haven't slept the night before. Don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this yesterday morning.