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Abandoned The Next Great Adventure by The-Caitiff - T

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by ip82, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
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    Title: The Next Great Adventure
    Author: The-Caitiff
    Genre: General
    Rating: T
    Chapters: 20
    Words: 74,708
    Updated: February 23, 2007
    Published: August 14, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Pairings: No pairings so far (miniscule hints of H/Tonks)
    Suggested category: "Independent Harry"
    Summary: After Sirius embarks on the Next Great Adventure, a letter from him encourages Harry to consider his own. Harry is beginning to see the truth of he world. Does not follow the Independant!Harry Starter Plot
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3105609/1/

    Summary tagline: "Does not follow the Independant!Harry Starter Plot"

    No, but it does feature a Sirius who, in a moment of divine forsight, sends a very long and detailed letter to Harry, basically giving him a color-coded set of instructions and tools needed to escape the Order and strike out on his own.

    However, after that weak Deus-Ex oppener, this story becomes absolutely sweet and original. It has everything the genre is lacking IMO - travelling around the world, technomagic, magical underworld of smugglers and thiefs, logical and fun plots, smart and outgoing Harry's character, etc...

    So far, 4/5. It'd be more, if not for the lame start.



    Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2013
  2. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    I like it...., shades of make a wish, but imatation is flattery, no?

    Hey is harry liking deep sea fishing goin to be the next cliche?

    Is anybody reading "termial justice" on the Cear Azkaban cite on yahoo?
     
  3. Athenia

    Athenia Groundskeeper

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    So far, I like it. I can only see the first 2 chapters (the ones on his Yahoo group, since ff.net isn't showing the last two for me) so its hard to judge it so far. I'm worried a bit since the author never finished At the Hands of the Other before starting this one and that one was only supposed to be a few chapters longer. His stuff is usually fun to read, if not overly serious. As long as there is already a thought out plot in the works, it has potential. 4/5
     
  4. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    Pretty good! I've been following this since it came out, and other than the deus ex machina, it's not bad at all and I'm looking forward to a lot more.
     
  5. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    Agreed so far. Painfully cliched letter from beyond the grave start to the fic, but interesting and different after that. A bit ambivalent on the smuggling mysterious crates to Cuba, but I doubt what's in them matters as much as the fun smuggling bits. And I always enjoy a good Harry crashes an order meeting scene.

    This author has habit of coming up with some pretty different and original ideas. Not the most polished of writers, but nearly everything he's posted recently has kept me interested and wanting to read more. And his speed of updates is pretty impressive too.

    The way his mind works oftentimes reminds me of my own. And that's of course the highest compliment in the world, as well as the cruelest insult I can think of.

    For me this one's somewhere between 3/5 and 4/5 but highly readable and enjoyable.

    I'm loving that little spinoff probably more than I even liked the last few chapters of Make A Wish or it's sequel. Mr. Black meets the Justice League. Feels more like a Scooby Doo meets Abbott and Costello sort odd mixing that really shouldn't work. I look forward to more of that spinoff than I do just about any other fic. Though like most good fics lately it feels like the romance may ruin it for me.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2006
  6. Kyp's Avenger

    Kyp's Avenger Fourth Year

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    I would have stopped reading at the lame start if I hadn't read the reviews here first...I'm glad I didn't! After that long, mushy letter, things got better. I like the traveling. Usually all the traveling one encounters in HP is the flight from America to Britain for the the exchange student. (*vomits*) But this is all right. I don't have time to finish it right now, but I definitely have my eye on this one. 4/5
     
  7. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    Not bad, i actually, like Kyp, stopped reading after the horrible start but picked it up again and really like it. My only problem is the use of Y'all, i hate that word..
     
  8. DemonDream

    DemonDream Professor

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    Location:
    Your closet. Please clean it, I can't move.
    This story does have a rough start, with the letter, but the letter is, for once, a decent and well thought out message, rather than the usual "Get away from Dumbledore" we see so often. I did like the idea of family debts being cause for family unions, rather than just money or political convenience. Killginny, the y'all thing is just there for amusement, I think.

    I do hope that the author takes time to finish his other story, but this is a good looking story. 4/5.
     
  9. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Well, this just went down a notch. Harry's back to stupid Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, turning this into just another "Harry comes back after busy summer to kick some ass" story. Shame...
     
  10. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    Blah, and it had so much potential...but of course with a sap-filled letter to Harry from Hermione as a part of her grief counciling, Harry comes back to Hogwarts as Simon Black and is "needed" in "GRYFFINDOR!". I was hoping for a Mr. Black-esque story without the weirdness...no need to come back to Hogwarts, just find contacts around the world and bring Voldemort down...*sigh*.
     
  11. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    It does seem kinda odd to go from ordering Dumbledore around Grimmauld Place, banning Snape and Dung, etc... to suddenly being a somewhat meek 5th year? Supposedly 14 and parentless? So he may be in Snape's class now? And no one's alive to sign a Hogsmeade permission slip (emancipated in america I guess is your little catch-all). It's like the author can't decide if he's acting like an adult or a kid.

    If he were an adult, he'd hang around Hogwarts, break in to help talk to Hermione, etc... but go to classes? Gossip and giggle while studying 5th year? Again? Sirius went to a lot of trouble and effort to set it up so he could learn away from the ass-backwards european blood purity folks and yet he's right back there simply because Hermione is grieving. Sheesh. I would hope if Hermione knew what he was doing she'd yell at him for being stupid.

    But that's an opinion after the latest chapter. I wouldn't be surprised if my opinion will change greatly once we see more of where this is going. I've not lost faith yet. Still short of fantastic for me, but still in the 3/5 to 4/5 range.
     
  12. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Not to mention blabbing to his little friends about his illegal business and showing off his expenisve, highly illegal egupment to Ron of all of people. Way to go if you want Dumbledore to gain leverage over you.
     
  13. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    My little chat with Caitiff about the dirrection of this story, if anyone's interesting.

    MY REVIEW:

    Err... could you please... sort of delete this last chapter, format your hard drive and oblivate yourself from even thinking off pull some shit like this?

    I mean, here you had one great start, with potential to have Harry travel around the world, meet interesting new people, visit cool places and slowly gain momentum to bring the fight back to Voldemort.

    Instead, you had Harry return to Hogwarts under disguise, lose his Yankee accent and piss over all the sacrifices Sirius had made so that he could 'have a girl or three and train himself away from the backwards society'. Wow, he'll really learn a lot by repeating 5th year material and pining after the Beaverhead.

    Very bad dirrection. Please reconsider.


    HIS RESPONSE:

    I won't be deleting this chapter, but I might add flashbacks/storytime with friends later and add another few scenes of his travels.

    While I can see where you are coming from, that's not exactly in my plan. Unfortunately in my idea Harry was always coming back. I honestly cannot see a Harry that would abandon his friends completely. Instead he has rid himself of others control, found a few new interesting areas of study, and come back as "just another student". If he really abandoned them that would be condemning them all to death and can you really see that?

    I don't see it as pissing on Sirius' sacrifice, I see it as accepting his destiny on his own terms. He'll continue to train himself on his own since he wont actually put any effort in the classes he is stuck repeating, and might actually learn something useful. Big V had the seven year Hogwarts set, nothing there can really help Harry. Taking the time to create and explore newer areas is exactly what he needs and hogwarts is as good a place as any to do it. With Harry gone V can stop the monthly assasination plots. V has no reason to be interested in Simon, and Harry can look out for his friends.

    As for the pining for beaverhead comment... I seriously doubt there will be much pining. Take that how you wish but more will be revealed later. Just because Hermione doesn't know if she loves him like that doesn't mean Harry is similarly confused. Maybe he is, maybe he isnt. Maybe they'll date. Maybe he's gay. We'll find out later.

    Keep reading or not, I appreciate that you took the time to write and honest opinion. Most people leave no opinion at all or just a "looks good" or "don't like it." Thanks for your time.


    MY RESPONSE:

    That's fair enough.

    I usually review only on DarkLordPotter forum, but I had to leave a review in this case, because it seems you're destroying a pretty good idea there.

    I'm not saying that Harry's return to Hogwarts is illogical or even bad, just that there are thousands of fics where Harry smartens up over the holydays and then returns to Hogwarts to show everyone "who's the man". On the other hand, there are only 3 or 4 stories that have what yours had in the last few chapters - travelling the world, covert games with the international underworld etc... It just seems you're needlessly ruining a perfectly good setup, just so you could add mindless Hogwarts filler (sorting hat, the classes etc...), Malfoy/Snape/Dumbledore bashing and thousands of times seen romantic and other permutations within the golden trio. Not exactly bad, just overused.

    Also, you kinda misunderstood me here...

    I'm not saying he should 'abandon' or 'condemn' his friends. They are not babies, I'm sure they'll managed to last a year without him.

    Besides, there are million other ways to stay in touch with his friends. Why not buy each of them that super-duper phone and put himself on a speed dial? Actually, he'd be much more able to help them out that way (considering his portkey making skills), then if he was stuck in different classes then they.

    But anyway, it's your decision ultimately. If nothing else, at least bring back Sirius' son's southern accent and overall appearance; The last chapter was truly terrible in the sense that Harry was acting pretty much like himself, instead of the character he was supposed to be playing.

    BTW, if you need more in-depth reviews, you should check the thread about this (and your other stories) on DLP net.

    forums^darklordpotter^net/showthread.php?t=3054
    (replace each ^ with .)

    Good luck,
    IP82


    BTW, sorry for doublepost, but this was rather long and unrelated with the previous post.
     
  14. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    I agree with what your saying. There are too many stories where harry breaks away only to come back, bigger, badder, and stronger. If only harry had stuck with the mafia something interesting could've happend. Now it just seems like he'll be a slightly stronger Canon!harry just a year younger with a different name..
     
  15. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

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    Ok, I never even realized people here were talking about my fics. So... Having read the topic (and the others on my fics), it's pretty humbling. I can't deny most of your criticisms so I wont bother trying. Yes it's the writing is simple. I'm a straightforward type of person in spite of my occasionally screwy mind, so I'm horrible at writing things that don't help move the story forward. Thats one of the many reasons I will never be a professional writer, fiction or non.

    Yes I use deus ex machina. Both the letter and the basilisk were pretty blatant, I'm sorry.

    The return to hogwarts is something that while we may not like to see, it is there for a reason. Yes he's being a normal freaking teenager for once and going through the "I don't want to and you can't make me" bit, but then again he is still a kid. He's genuinely got no where else to go but enjoys the company of his friends, so why not come back? For all he is competent at the basics (and getting better daily) he isn't good for much outside of england because of age/lack of skill. He can't hold a normal job, the smuggling only works because who in the world would suspect a 14 year old of even having those connections, and the "summer travel" excuse won't cut it when school is in session. So for lack of anything else to do he returns to hogwarts and studies on his own.

    As for romance? Get out. No one finds their "true love" at sixteen. Hermione may be confused, but I have not seen enough in canon to write a serious fic with him and anyone but ginny, which still turns my stomach. Ginny-sue sucks but she is a necessary evil. Harry can comfort Hermione as a friend, and not want to see her upset/depressed without wanting her romantically.

    Is he 14 or 40? Why does he slip in and out of character? Well no duh he slips being IC 24/7 is impossible. Could it be written better? Definitely. By me? Not as likely.

    Thanks for reading it though and thanks for taking the time to say what you think.
     
  16. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Hey, don't feel bad, 4/5 is a great score around here. Most of the DLP members are brutally honest reviewers and won't give you much slack if you screw up. Just look at the bobmin's and Miranda Flairgold's threads and see for yourself.
     
  17. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

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    There actually is a reason I did this, it's a set up for something else later. I hope people will like the end result.

    By all accounts it was stupid for him to do, but it will come back later.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2006
  18. Niffler Lord

    Niffler Lord Headmaster

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    I definitely liked it. The start was a little iffy with the whole letter but it was definitely an original letter and nowhere near as bad as some I've seen. I like the reasoning and the planning done by Sirius and the way Harry was acting and thinking after that. Best part... not long rants or instant pissed Harry.

    To tell you the truth I don't mind him returning to Hogwarts and I agree with your reasoning. His interaction with the others students and teachers are always good to read. And the plus in your fic is that its not Harry Potter returning, but Simon Black so there is none of the pressure of being HP effecting his action. Just don't have him angsting about not telling his friends.

    Just couple of things thought. I expect Snape will be extra snide and overbearing. Snape and Sirius never liked each other and given the choice they would gladly cut each others hearts out with spoons. So his reaction to Simon will be a little extreme.

    Second, you have down played the Order's and especially Dumbledore's reaction to Harry's 'death'. I think those aspects need be expanded upon. Especially Dumbledore's since he knows about the prophecy. At the moment the reaction among the Order seems to be "another dead body, big deal". But the letter left behind will have a heck of a lot more impact than just that.

    I enjoyed reading it and look forward to more.

    4.5/5
     
  19. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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    I rather like it but I don't think it's anything spectacular - yet.

    Bringing Harry back to Hogwarts was a bit of a weird moment - especially considering he just told the old man to shove off and actually said he wasn't his student. In terms of making the story interesting -yeah, he did have to go to Hogwarts unless you wanted to go Miranda Flairgold on us.

    The southern american accent pisses me off no end. I cringe every time Harry talks. And here's a hint - making every single country in the world (particularly America) seem better than England is overused by a large number of fan-girl. There should be a new name for doing stuff like that.

    Your phenomenal update rate will guarentee I continue reading it but I'm not sure I'd pick it up again if you take a long break from it without it getting any better.

    3.5/5
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2006
  20. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    I liked it. It was original, well-thought-out and decently written. It's much different from the usual Indy!Harry, who is an "all work and no play" kind of guy that has no emotions yet is a complete badass. It's sort of like BMM's story in that respect.

    To sum it up, once I got passed the first chapter, I really enjoyed this story. It was fun to read, and I hope that you update soon.
     
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