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WIP The Timeless Value of a Mended Friend by Green Tea Bubbles - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Jarik, Oct 5, 2015.

  1. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    Title: The Timeless Value of a Mended Friend
    Author: Green Tea Bubbles
    Rating: T
    Genre: Friendship/Drama
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Naruto
    Summary: A twist on the usual Team 7 time travel. All three are granted a second chance, back as babies in the same timeline. Except none of them know that the others are back too and all three have different plans for the future. Sakura wants to prevent a war. Sasuke wants to start one. And Naruto? He just wants Team 7 back, and maybe he'll even save Konoha in the process.
    Link: FF.net

    Originally recommended in the Quality Naruto Fics thread by Probellum. Most of this post is a copy paste from my comment on it in that thread.

    These days when I go through old fandoms like Naruto, I find myself a lot less interested in some well written grim-dark, realistic shinobi war epic and more in fics that are driven on character interaction. While The Timeless Value of a Mended Friend has a terrible title and is full of issues in the execution, the concept is refreshing and the important parts are done well.

    It is a time travel fic, but the focus is not on alternate takes on events, rather it is about exploring the characters and relationships of three people with very strong bonds, who have also committed unforgivable acts against each other. They all want to fix the past, but all of them have very different ideas on what that means.

    All three of them wanting to reaffirm their relationships, wracked with guilt over the unforgivable acts they've committed against each other. But at the same time, Sasuke still despises Konoha, Sakura is willing to do whatever is necessary to stop him and Naruto just wants them to get along this time. The fic did a reasonable job of building all three into independent people (Sakura too!) who might clash ideologically, with Naruto's idealistic view of the world, Sakura's ruthless pragmatism of being the ROOT Commander and Sasuke enmity of Konoha. This leads to some fantastic, emotional scenes.

    The whole team dynamic and the way they explore their issues reminded me a bit of Ricochet (though obviously, not nearly as good).

    Most time travel fics lose their steam once the big reveal is out and the characters can start more openly act to change things for the better, but this is the first fic where it actually got more interesting at that point.
    Everything pre-reveal wasn't too bad either. It was cool seeing all three of them working against each other (without even realizing it) to manipulate various events.


    The two major issues I'd take with it are:

    1. Their attempt at manipulating events wasn't done well at all. What 5 year old goes to the Hokage and starts suggesting measures to integrate the Uchiha Clan into the ANBU more? If I was Sarutobi, my first instinct would be to think an Uchiha had put the ideas into his head. But there seemed to be little suspicion on this front. Same with Sasuke, and the way he worded his own "schoolyard observations". Sakura was probably the only one that felt subtle enough to be a little bit believable.

    2. Sakura is a bit inconsistent. At times she's written as that ruthless pragmatist and at other times she seems very emotionally driven, and its not always written in a way that feels natural (eg, out of all three, she's the one who makes the most verbal slip ups - surprising for an ex-ROOT commander). Like, the way Sasuke and Naruto are written, I can completely imagine them subconsciously ignoring all the clues that there are other time travelers. They are both emotional types, and don't want to confront that. But it just doesn't seem natural for Sakura.


    3.5/5. Issues with execution, but brought up in rating due to a refreshing take on a concept and some fun team dynamics. It is not a typical time travel fic at all and is quite refreshing.
     
  2. Mercenary

    Mercenary Snake Eater

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    Im a sucker for these types of fics. The Time travel one where the person going back isn't completely useless the 2nd go around.

    woo that was trainwreck which is nice far too many timetravel fics where everything goes far too well.

    My only gripe with it along with OP's number 2 is that the latest(chapter 34 at time of post.)

    Seems entirely out of character more so than usual. Just does not seem to be a decision a former leader of a Hidden Village would do, out of what... simply feeling inadequate?

    Though over all I'll round up to a 4/5.

    Not a bad read. One of the best stories I've read in a long time.
     
  3. Sechrima

    Sechrima Disappeared

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    The problem with this fic is that it is extremely contrived, and I can't suspend my disbelief for a moment. The author also indulges in Danzō bashing, which as with any fandom is lazy writing, even if Danzō isn't the most sympathetic character in canon. Basically, the whole thing comes across as awfully unrealistic, especially things like Sakura's employment with the Hyūga clan at age 5, and Naruto's influence on the Sandaime's policies.

    The only storyline I could somewhat believe was Sasuke's. The rest of it is rubbish.

    It kept my attention for a while, so I'll give it 2/5, though it's probably closer to a 1.5/5.
     
  4. Hymnsicality

    Hymnsicality Seventh Year

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    Why was Sakura head of Root? Was that ever mentioned? I feel as if the sheer wtf-ness of that plot point cannot be overstated. Sakura, really? The girl who after 700 chapters couldn't get over her 'love' for Sasuke is entrusted with the position in which ruthless logic and pragmatism is paramount? It's kinda like making Mizuki the Hokage or Haku a member of Akatsuki.

    The story is riddled with stuff like this, plot points that make you think the author started shooting random ideas off and just rolled with it, forcing his universe to adapt to his ideas in a rather grating way. The hyuuga just accepting a random unknown five year old to guard their heiress?

    Technically the story was fairly sound though and it was interesting enough to read almost to the last chapter.

    2.5/5 rounding down. Forgettable but far from the worst way to spend your time on fanfiction.net
     
  5. Alindrome

    Alindrome A bigger, darker mark DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Here's my initial thoughts on this story:

    If you can't suspend your disbelief for the first half of the story, though, you're going to have a bad time. I gave them extra props because of just how hard this kind of story is to pull off - and, well, they didn't really manage it, not at first. But if you can overlook the frustration of that, it's a good read.

    4/5
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2015
  6. Garden

    Garden Supreme Mugwump

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    Posting my thoughts from the thread here:

    Basically, a 2/5 for me. The writing is technically okay-- everything else is not to my liking.
     
  7. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    The first part of the story is retarded. Fucking nothing makes any sense at all, and some of the plot points caused me physical pain. The most believable early plot line -Sauske's- is among the stupidest I've seen written by someone with a decent grasp of the English language. As a result, I spent large chunks of the first few chapters scanning more then reading.

    Once you get to the wave arc, everything improves tremendously. There's still a few retarded bits -Naruto convinces Inari that his dad was a hero and gets Wave to rebel over the course of an afternoon-, but on the whole, it's not bad.

    I've no idea how it happened, but I actually ended up enjoying this. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Sauske, Sakura, and Naruto are enjoyable, and the plot has managed to remain feeling somehow original despite it basically being a canon rehash.

    4/5
     
  8. Legacy

    Legacy Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    I actually found the lead up to the Uchiha massacre to be one of the more interesting parts of the fic if you ignore the giant issue of the hokage listening to a five year old. It had this genuine tension to it as you realized that all three of them were working under the assumption that they were the only ones with foreknowledge and worked towards their various goals.

    Sasuke didn't want to prevent the massacre, he wanted to make it worse. He wanted to up the timeline to a point where Konoha would not be ready to respond so he could watch the village burn.

    Sakura didn't want the massacre to happen but also knew what leaving things as they were would do. She wanted to protect Konoha above all else and if that means she needed to facilitate cutting off a limb to save the whole thing then she felt she was justified.

    Naruto was Naruto. He chose the way of bridging gaps between the Uchiha and the rest of the village. He would have stopped the massacre through sheer kindness and bullheaded determination to protect the village that for a time he ruled over. He was the leader that wanted his people to not just survive but be happy.

    While I can't say this was executed perfectly as I had to suspend my disbelief a few times, I actually loved this segment. Afterwards, the political tension wasn't there but we had the dynamic between the three of them that now knew they were all back. Each of them had secrets, trust was non-existent at that point and they were slowly figuring each other out again. Pretty much every conflict they now face is based upon this lack of trust (rightfully god damn so) and how they overcome it.

    Because deep down, despite the betrayals and hurt they have suffered at each others hands, this is team 7.

    4/5 from me.
     
  9. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    This was a refreshing read. I don't have time for the in-depth review I wanted to write, but it definitely kept me reading.

    Each chapter contains three sections, POVs from Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke. All of them have gone back in time twenty years or so, back to infancy. In the future all three were complete badasses. All three of them think they're the only one to go back in time, at least until the (highly altered) Wave Arc.

    And all three of them have different goals. While these goals often felt poorly implemented, it still felt entertaining to envision and read.

    Case in point, the Uchiha Massacre.

    Naruto - Wants to prevent the massacre. Uses his access to the Hokage to try and influence things so that the Uchiha don't feel a need to rebel. He wants to integrate them properly into Konoha.

    Sasuke - Wants to prevent the massacre. Does so by throwing gasoline on the fire so to speak, so that the Uchiha will not only stage a coup but do it successfully.

    Sakura - Wants to make sure the massacre occurs. Because it prevented a Civil War that would have caused a lot more deaths. Greater good concept almost.​
    So you see all three of them working towards their goals and generally working against each other without even realizing it.

    It's an awesome concept, and one of the better time-travel concepts I've run across. Because even when they realize that all three of them time-traveled, things don't really improve. Because Sasuke hates Konoha, and still intends to bring it down. Sakura is still the practical, greater good character. And Naruto is Naruto, albeit with a sort of wisdom he didn't have before.

    But it's obvious that they are still Team 7, and while they can all be logical, solid ninja when called upon... together they're kinda screwed up and sometimes emotional, and to me it seemed to work.

    The big problem? Most of that has execution problems. Sasuke's early POVs where he's feeding misinformation to the Uchiha elders just reads so stupidly. Seriously, WTF. You just 'happened' to over someone who you describe to look exactly like Danzo talking at a bathhouse? Bullshit. Naruto's sections aren't much better, but Sasuke's are what really took me out of the story. Sakura was a bit better, because she tried to influence things less directly.

    I'm rating it a tentative 4/5. I think it's honestly more of a 3.5/5 to round up, but the original feel of things, plus the pacing and twists and whatnot, make me think it deserves the full 4. I don't see it going up to 5 without a rewrite, but it deserves a spot in the library.
     
  10. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    2.5-3/5.

    I really hate the title I think.

    Meanwhile, the first several chapters read pretty bad, it gets a bit better but I just can't get into the characters at all tbh.
     
  11. esran

    esran Professor

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    The idea is good, but the execution is bad. The Hokage shouldn't randomly be listening to Naruto's advice, the Uchiha elders shouldn't believe Sasuke's ridiculous stories, and worst of all the Hyuuga and Sakura interactions are complete BS.
     
  12. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Pretty much concur with you guys. It's an interesting concept, for sure, and I like the idea. I like the whole clash of personal goals and I like these messed up and yet strong relationships they have, even if I have a hard time with the fact that they are still more or less cooperating with each other, when their goals are just so different.

    I get that they are friends, that they love each other pretty much unconditionally, yet, at least Sasuke and Sakura, are the types, in this story, to throw away their loved ones for their goals. And the fact is, they have both openly stated, and thus know, that their respective goals are completely incompatible.

    Sasuke killed Sakura, has plunged Konoha into war more than once and has every intention to wipe Konoha from the face of the planet, something Sakura did not take well.

    Sakura, in turn, has orchestrated the massacre of Sasuke's family again and would do anything to protect Konoha, especially from him, something Sasuke did not take well.

    Yet they are able to pause this argument and go with the flow and to me, that just did not work well at all, even if their bonds and friendship is special and strong. There are just a few things that no friendship can survive, and intentionally manipulating events so that ones family lives, or intentionally and willingly working towards the goal of killing ones home village and everyone living in it, friends and family alike, are just that.

    It's interesting, yes, the whole situation they've found themselves in but at the same time, that just takes me out of the story, even if Naruto is there to smooth things over.

    Also concur on the whole execution thing. Sasuke's attempts were just jarring, Naruto was super suspicious and while Sakura becoming a bodyguard was something new, I also didn't really buy into but was willing to roll with it, simply because it was interesting.

    That all could have been done better.

    All that said, I still had fun reading this.

    A very generous 4/5, if only for novelties sake.
     
  13. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Yeah, and I realized after re-reading some of these reviews that part of what makes it work so well conceptually is that it's THREE time travelers, each with different objectives that are odds with what the other two want.

    Most stories that try to do this keep it to two sides. The third side is what gives it that extra spark, I think.

    Maybe one day it will get a rewrite to try and clean up some of the issues.
     
  14. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    Yeah I think that's it. I've read a lot of stories where Sasuke and Naruto go back in time, but Sakura really adds such an interesting element.

    Where you have two characters, they either decide to work together or work against each other. If it was just Sakura and Sasuke, they'd probably just become enemies. If it was just Naruto and Sasuke, well, either we go the canon route of Naruto trying to beat the friendship back into Sasuke, or they both decide to work together to make things work.

    But the third one here (Naruto really), who is really trying to get the two opposing sides to work together and that adds so much more to the whole thing.
     
  15. Eiri

    Eiri Banned

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    I give it a 4/5. The tension between the 3 travelers was well done up a certain point. The concept is definitely unique, though I do despise Sasuke's backstory and motivations.
    The overall tone and pacing is decent too. Despite the constant movement between the 3 perspectives, the story is still largely plot-driven (which is a good thing, in my eyes).

    What makes this story especially interesting as a time travel piece is that the focus is not on how events change as a result of time travel, but on the conflict between the 3 characters with different objectives. With the more recent chapters, there certainly have been hints that the future could look very different, but ultimately, the general events and conflicts of the Naruto world are merely the backdrop to the three main players. So despite the story arcs themselves being unoriginal and mostly canon, it retains the air of suspense and makes you want to know which of the three will prevail.

    The reason it doesn't get the 5 from me is the same issue that many others have already brought up. There are numerous places where events or characters seem unrealistic, and requires serious suspension of belief. However, it's enjoyable enough that I'm willing to wade past those murky spots.
     
  16. Silly

    Silly Third Year

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    This story definitely has its fair share of issues, which plenty of people before me have pointed out. Everything before around the wave arc seems really hard to believe at times, because frankly Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura do not act like normal kids, and I can't really believe that none of the Hokage, the Uchiha, and the Hyuuga (all of which are highly trained and respected ninja) would have been suspicious at their antics. In fact, even Danzo isn't really suspicious until it's too late, which I also find really weird.

    But, I think that if you're willing to suspend your disbelief at some of the earlier chapters, the story is actually somewhat enjoyable. It gets better as it progresses, and it's a very refreshing take on the classic time travel story. Although it keeps all of the major plot points from the main story the same, there is a good reason for that. Because while somebody like Naruto would have really liked to have prevented the massacre, it happened anyways because he wasn't the only person trying to influence things. And really, the focus of the story isn't on fixing the timeline, but on the interactions between the three members of Team Seven. It's just that they all happen to be young again and in a non-war-torn Konoha. And on that aspect the story delivers.

    Overall I think this is a solid 3/5 for me. It's not a 4/5 because its issues are definitely large enough that they impact the quality of the story. But it's not a 2/5 either because while I do recognize that the story isn't perfect, it wasn't bad either, and I don't regret reading it. (Though I wouldn't go out of my way to read it again.)
     
  17. Alindrome

    Alindrome A bigger, darker mark DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    I disagree on this bit - they're ninja. Ninja children can be as weird as they like - there've been a number of jounins as old as they are, etc, enough that age isn't that much of a boundary. And they've been the same way since birth in this world, haven't they? I don't think that would amount to something to be suspicious of.
     
  18. Eiri

    Eiri Banned

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    I agree. There is nothing particularly suspicious about the them because they entered the timeline as babies. They would just seem like particularly intelligent children.

    If I were to nit pick, I might point out that sometimes a character is claimed to act with abnormal intelligence, but actually doesn't. Consider this quote from chapter 2:
    What Sasuke said isn't actually beyond a 5 year old. I recall myself using more complex sentence structures at 4, and I've met a few children at around 5-6 who were capable of using equally large words as "unfortunately". However, this can be forgiven because it is Sakura's POV, so I can attribute it to Sakura's biased view of Sasuke rather than a narrative failure.

    An example of actual unrealistic content would be Danzo's behavior in chapter 4, where Danzo apparently leaves the room because of the palpable tension when Naruto coughs awkwardly to avoid answering the question about Sasuke. This part is questionable because it implies that Danzo was consciously aware of Naruto wanting him to leave. That means either Danzo was aware of Naruto's attempts to influence Sarutobi before the meeting, or he became aware of Naruto's discomfort when Naruto glanced at him at the beginning of the meeting. If it were the latter, then Danzo has no reason to actually leave — he could just continue flipping files. If he genuinely finished, that seems rather contrived considering that Naruto had only said an incredible 2 sentences to Sarutobi while supposedly stalling. So it must be the former. But if Danzo was aware of Naruto and wanted to observe, then it seems odd for him to go back into the office to discuss Naruto immediately after Naruto leaves, and allow Naruto to feel even more uncomfortable around him in the future because Naruto would have seen him waiting outside, possibly overhearing, and going back in. Moreover, there hadn't been any previous hints that Danzo could have been aware of Naruto influencing Sarutobi before that meeting in the first place.

    The biggest disappointment is that this whole interaction didn't lead to anything meaningful. What resulted was that some Root members attacked Naruto, which is also unbelievable. Other than that, Danzo's observations on Naruto could have been left out of the story and nothing would have changed. In the end, it just seemed like meaningless, contrived, filler.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2015
  19. Silly

    Silly Third Year

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    Saying "they've been this way since birth" is misleading, I think, because each time traveler has been trying to hide the fact that they're changed in order to preserve the familiarity of the timeline. They're not doing it super well, but they are attempting to do so.

    Also, there are simply things that are too weird, even if they're ninja. For example, how are the Hyuuga not suspicious at Sakura? Keep in mind that at the time, she's playing the role of an academy child from a civilian family with no real remarkable traits (she's firmly in the middle of her class). She should not be so bold and brazen with the Hyuuga, much less know their secrets (such as Hiashi sending his brother off to die).

    In the same vein, how are the Uchiha not suspicious of Sasuke? Yes, Sasuke has proven himself to be "better" this time around, but is it really plausible that a five year old kid, even a good one (and keep in mind that Sasuke clearly states that he's still worse than Itachi at that point), can randomly accidentally spy on Danzo's super secret information? I doubt it. This is Danzo we're talking about. Sasuke may be a good five year old ninja, but Danzo is a good ninja, period. And Danzo is super paranoid. He isn't going to let anybody overhear his more unsavory plans, let alone a five year old kid in the middle of the baths. Also, the fact that Sasuke keeps "overhearing" information about treachery against the Uchiha when nobody else is hearing the same thing I find also slightly suspicious.
     
  20. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Keep in mind that this is a story where a random eight year old Uchiha is considered to be as good an informant by the Hyuuga as whoever the Hokage has as a spy. We stopped operating within the bounds of logic long ago.