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WIP Tis Femina by Sythe - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Fimbulvintr, Oct 11, 2010.

  1. Fimbulvintr

    Fimbulvintr Seventh Year

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    Title: Tis Femina
    Author: Sythe
    Rating: M
    Pairing: Currently unknown
    Chapters: 8
    Words: 127,859
    Updated: May 23, 2012
    Published: March 5, 2010
    Summary: Naruto had gone to his last battle with Madara fully prepared to die with his enemy. He did not think he'd be manipulated by old toad sages and thrown to the far past. He did not expect to wake up in the Senju clan compound either.

    Did a search, didn't see this come up, so I'm recommending it. Obviously, it's a time-travel story. Not so obviously, it's a gender-bender where Naruto gets turned into a woman in the process. No, this isn't some story written by a teenage girl with a yaoi fetish, so no need to fear Naruto suddenly going 'i luvs the cocks!'

    Update rate is kind of slow, but the chapters (all four of them) are long and get better and better. The story itself is hard to describe. There's attention to detail, especially when the author is writing about a character's thoughts and points of view. It makes the reader consider the character's situation instead of just reading about it. The issues of gender-bending and femininity are explored in such a way that it becomes both disturbing and alluring (for lack of a better word). Also, the author is self-critical at certain points, which is always a plus.

    It would be a mistake to just dismiss this story because of the gender-bending and perceptions of hidden slash. At least give it a whirl before flaming me.


    Checked: June 4, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2012
  2. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    This story is amazing. Don't be put off by the gender bending, it's freaking fantastic despite and because of it. The author is setting up a realistic world for Naruto to fuck with and has already created my new personal favourite characterisation of the Shodai Hokage. Seriously, I have no words to describe how explosively epic this story is, and it's only four chapters in (with 66,000 words though, so plenty to read at this point).

    To give it a rating now it would have to be 5/5. It's a blend of drama, horror, action and political intrigue from a perspective I have never seen done well before. It's frankly fantastic and I'm going to follow this from now to the end of time if I have to.
     
  3. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    I'll take you two at your word and read. But be warned, my wrath is swift and explosive-related.

    Edit 1: So the author made her a female to compensate for Kishimoto's weak female characters? I'm not impressed on this, so the writing so far has generally been decent, if stilted.

    Edit 2: Naruto's handling his time-change relatively reasonable. But two things bother soon after. 1. That he's apparently a seal master. Always a bit of a cliche in the fandom and turns one off. 2. The Zip it Kenny/ Lil' Kenny Lines. Just so out of place. Not to mention the hey buster line is kinda annoying. The dialogue is starting to get to me...

    Edit3: And now Naruto is apparently such a good seductress? And the author's note was just amusing, "agents of the status quo?". Dudes, what the hell kinda crazy author did you guys find?

    Edit4: All right, I'm starting to seriously get pissed. All of Naruto's seals have been fucking based on just stealing clan jutsu concepts. This is Naruto we're talking about. He's a little unoriginal in his jutsus, yes, but I don't think he'd use Yamanka/Nara clan jutsu concepts to create seals from. Not really his style.

    Edit5: All right, this has gotten a bit creepy for me. I'm dropping out.

    Final grade based on incomplete reading: 3/5.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2010
  4. Totoro

    Totoro Muggle

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    Uh huh

    I've been a lurker on this site for a while. Saw this thread when I was cruising for more fics to read. Well, I registered just to post a reply.

    I confess I went to read the story with the intention to flame the hell out of it. I mean, come one: GENDER BENDER. Automatic fail!

    But I was proven wrong.

    This fic has more brain than any other I've ever read. You can see that the author put a lot of thoughts and dedication to this. The writing at first is slightly shaky but still on a better standard than majority of fics in Naruto fandom. Then every chapter got better and better. It felt like the writer was improving by leaps and bounds with each of them. The characters are fleshed out and the intricate plot is VERY ambitious.

    Naruto fics have the tendency to stick with canon: the Wave mission, the chuunin exam, blahblahblha. But not this fic, it has its own breath and it has its own thoughts.

    ....which eventually leads to the reason why so many love it so much and so many people hate it so much.

    On this point, I have to agree with the author. The guy knew what he was dealing with. He knew the way many people will react to the story (like me and the guy above me Hasha something). Still, he went through with it because he wanted to write something new. Even if you don't like the fic, you have to respect him for having the balls to do that. Not many authors (professional and fanfic) I know that would dare to take that kind of risk and mountains of flame.





    About the story itself. Hmm...

    I will say this. The normal readers will lean towards wanting to dislike it mainly because the subject matter is a very touchy one: gender and sexuality. Many will look for reasons to not like it because it's something that is not easily accept and downright scary to some ( mostly the ilk of the prepubescent boys that flood the Naruto fandom in look for a testosterone high) . But again, read it and make your own decision.


    Be warned though, it's not a story for everyone. It deals with things you don't want to think about. In order to read it you need a certain degree of mental openness. It's hard to swallow at first but once you accept it for what it is and listen to what it has to say then it will be a beautiful and somewhat quirky song you hear.


    I imagine there will be a lot of people flaming it because they just can't accept the idea that a gender bender fic can be that good. You will be able to identify them by the way they keep squealing 'Naruto's got no cock! Lame!' and never dare touch upon the writing, the plot, the characters.


    In reply to Hasasheen's post: well...I'm a bit mortified that I was planning to write something like yours even before I read the fic. i.e looking for every possible little things to say 'that effing sucks! it's bullshit! I don't buy it' without ever even looking at the story itself: the degree of skill (which even you admit was better than standard), the plot, the characterization (its shining point), the sheer imagination and courage behind it all. All of your points seem more like a list of what you can't stomach than an honest and fair review for a story if not good, is still better than average.

    Peace.

    P.S: my vote is for 4/5 stars. The writing is very good but it still has its faults. I'd love to keep reading this and see how the writing evolves.
     
  5. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Disclaimer: I stopped reading Naruto in 2002 towards the end of the "Chūnin Exam Arc" (the first hundred chapters, iirc). Anything I've learnt about Naruto-verse since that point has been picked up from fics and wikis.

    This is a decent fic. The author has taken his time to develop deep characters and a carefully planned plot set in an early Narutoverse world. It really does feel like a new world, full of possibility, although we haven't seen much of it yet.

    Naruto being a woman (for now) isn't a bother to me. An author's reasons for changing their protagonist into a woman can be far removed from those of a typical slash fan girl's. Sythe's already given his personal motivation for making Naruto a woman, but we haven't seen the plot-related reason yet. As a plot device it seems like it might be temporary; Sythe has included a way back to manhood, but I doubt Naruto will discover it for a long, long time.

    The world is good, the character's are well thought out, the plot looks like it's going to be epic. It ain't all roses though.

    The grammar in the story is rough because English is Sythe's third language. I don't find it hard to ignore the errors, but they are there.

    The characters are deep, but I've found them all to be pretty unlikeable. We haven't seen very many characters yet, but everyone from the Senju clan to the survivors of chapter four haven't really grabbed me. Any of the characters I have sorta liked have ended up dead.

    The pacing of this story is slow. Naruto is pretty much paralysed from the waist down for the first three chapters, and is stuck in one room or another for most of that time. Maybe things will pick up now that he's out and about in the world, but I think this pacing is just the author's style.

    Sythe has outlined his future plot and pacing, and it doesn't seem like things are going to pick up speed, though the future plot is certainly more exciting than the Senju arc we've just read. I might be wrong, time will tell.

    I was delighted by Naruto's change in chapter four, especially when he woke up in the "nest" after he fell unconscious. This is a good struggle for his character and hopefully it won't be resolved too soon. I wonder if this is an incident that's tied to the full moon ala werewolf. There are several hints that it is.

    I'm not a fan of the tag-a-long kids, but I suppose they're necessary for the whole change-the-world-from-it's-current-course super plot.

    Overall, this is a noteworthy story with some semi-annoying flaws. It gets 4/5 from me. Just barely.
     
  6. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    Hashasheen, bitch. Don't make me kill you with a broom. :awesome


    I'll give her that. She can write better than most of the fandom, the plot itself is original, and most of the original characters/unexplored ones are handled well enough. If she wrote something more straight forward in the fandom, I'd probably read no matter who reccomended it.

    But at the same time, you can't say she's got courage for writing on the internet. Its the internet. People write all the time. Should I give DLP props for writing as series of shorts revolving over Hogwarts teachers and Fem! Harry? Why? Its been done before by many, just not as funny or well written. Same with time-traveling, and same with Fem! Naruto.

    Maybe that is the case if you look at it like that. I mentioned her pros from reading early on (as said, good dialogue, well plotted out storyline, characterisation), but also mentioned cons for those reading (her attitude, some of the dialogue, the storyline itself to many) and ultimately judged it not good enough in my opinion.

    I only managed to make it through the first 3 chapters, but after years of being in the Naruto fandom, one tends to either nitpick at everything or blindly accepts everything. Maybe its the fact that as you and yak says, each chapter improved after the previous one. Maybe. I couldn't get hooked in the first 3 chapters and if you can't get a reader to that, then he/she's either not the intended demographic or you're failing as a writer.
     
  7. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    The fic finally started picking up at the end of chapter 3, so if you didn't like it by then, then chapter 4 won't make much difference. I quite enjoyed Naruto recovering from the surgery, struggling to stand up, and then his unrestrained joy, power, and complete disregard for anyone else.

    This fic definitely isn't everyone's cup of tea, Hashasheen. I'm largely immune to squikiness from feminized male characters after spending many years in the Ranma fandom. There's almost no slash in the Ranma fandom except for occasional ironic and shock fics.

    The pacing, grammar, and unlikeable characters are my biggest gripes with Tis Femina. Even though I've given it 4/5 I don't think it's actually worthy of being in the library in its current state. The grammar and dialogue really need to be cleaned up first.
     
  8. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    That turned me off. Super! Badass! Naruto with no care for anyone just goes against how I percieve Naruto. A guy who cares too much for his own good, but still cares, even for the biggest bastards in the world like Zabuza, Sasuke, etc...

    Feminised characters can make sense and be enjoyable. But when your reason for taking the main male character and giving him a vagina is because the original author writes weak female characters then I just go :facepalm. Because how does that do anything for female characters in Naruto? I'd rather read Sakura, Ino, Temari, whoever in Naruto stand on their own two feet as a capable kunoichi rather than see Fem! Sasuke or Fem! Naruto representing the chicks. Because that just implies that even the women who read it have given up on their manga counterparts. So yeah, I think a large part of my dislike of this fic has to do with how the writer is shutting down her own manga counterparts.

    The two of the greatest things that pissed me off in the post-time skip era was Hinata's uselessness and Sakura's uselessness and I don't even like the characters. Hinata should have been able to do more, improve on her skills, maybe have gone into medicine and be a character like Inari who's life was bettered by Naruto and dropped out of it for the most part. Sakura could have done something in genjutsu, rather than just be a complete copy of Tsunade that did little of the work in bringing down Sasori and broke down when she had to man the fuck up and kill Sasuke. She was so incomptent that she poisoned Naruto! Naruto! The guy who saved her ass time and time again. Where the fuck is Shizune at, the poisons/medical apprentice? Anko, a student of Orochimaru? Kurenai, the genjutsu jonin? Hana and Tsume, the Inuzuka women? Show us some hardcore bitches handing out the smack down on some enemy shinobi, something!

    But that's off topic, and my rage can best be said elsewhere in other topics.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2010
  9. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    I don't know Naruto, the character, very well. If he's acting OOC there, then I probably wouldn't pick up on it anyway.

    I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday. It's insulting to all women, IMO. According to this author, it takes a man to show the women how to be a properly elite, female ninja.

    On the other hand, there's a good reason for writing Naruto as a woman instead of using an actual woman. If the story wasn't written with Naruto as a main character, then no one would have read it. I don't read HP fics that aren't about Harry, Ranma fics that aren't about Ranma, etc. A fic about Yugito Nii going back in time might've been less insulting to women, but I doubt I'd have ever read it without seeing a lot of praise for it on DLP.
     
  10. Necrule Paen

    Necrule Paen DLP Elite DLP Supporter

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    It is not the only reason for femnaruto. The author also wanted to realistically tackle issues that male-to-female gender bender has. That cannot happen if it was a canon female character.
     
  11. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    Is that a good reason or comprimising your position to gain maximum coverage? Because one can write character pieces centered around any one character in Naruto, they've all definitly got their niche fans who would have spread it out through the fandom in time.

    @Necrule: That's all fine and well, man, but the way she went about it just didn't do the attempt nor her intentions justice.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2010
  12. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    I dunno why this has 3 stars as the rating, zzzzzzzzzzzz

    This is pretty good. I'm going to give it 5/5 just for the atmosphere and idea, alone. Its exeuction isn't bad either. Simply put, I like it. Good storytelling so far only solidifies my stance.

    edit: There are a few annoying grammar errors though. I chock it up to not being proofread (or is the author non-native English speaker?).
     
  13. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Non-native English speaker.
     
  14. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

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    I like this. The writing is good - I skimmed over a lot of it to get to the action - and the plot and setting, so far, mesh very well. This gets a 4.5 out of 5. This has the potential to be a classic.
     
  15. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    New chapter adds a lot more mindfuckery that is very, very strange yet oddly compelling. This author doesn't skimp on the more down to earth facts of having a female body, and the mental break down Naruto appears to be having is done... Well, it's done from the perspective of a crazy person, so it's difficult to get it all down straight in you head.

    My opinion is that it's still a 5/5, but it's definitely one of the more confusing fics I've ever read. Horrific too, despite there having been no real enemy to point at at this point.
     
  16. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    This story is stretching the limits of what I'm willing to read. Could Naruto be any more stupid?

    He gets lost in a maze, he finds his way back to the start, and then he goes straight back in again. WTF. His starting point is a logging town with a perfectly good river running past it. A river which would be used to transport logs to the next major industrial/civlized area downstream. A river which is not a stupid maze. Why wouldn't anyone with a lick of sense either lash together a raft to travel the river (they're in a logging town, tools and lumber are at hand) or just walk beside the river if vegetation permits.

    It seems a feat of utter stupidity to return to a maze when you're worried about running out of food for your party.
     
  17. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    The maze thing seemed too forced. Someone of Naruto's caliber should have had the orientation to realize they were going in circles. The rest was okay.
     
  18. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

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    For as good as I found this to be written, I find that its very slow. Its like the author is hung up on making sure we know that Naruto has been sent back in time. I got that from the first chapter, I don't need four more afterwards telling me over and over again.

    The fact that Naruto is female isn't a bad idea, its an interesting take, but I just hope that the author doesn't keep trying to get off by explaining the story from a female perspective (Menstruation, Lactation, etc.). I would like to see more development in regards to him having the ten-tailed beast in him. So far, the only thing I've seen is that every full Moon sends him into a berserker rage and he wakes up in a pile of dead bodies.

    I also fucking hate Mo. I wish that bitch would have died during that landslide. Also, the fear that Hanzo and Mo are showing towards Naruto is strange. One moment Hanzo is claiming ownership of Naruto and then next thing you know, with out any reason that I could see, he's running scared just like that bitch Mo.

    Overall, I'll give this a 4/5. There's enough content for a rating, and for whats there its good. I just wish it would speed the fuck up. I'm ready to see some action.

    Also, maze thing is fucking stupid.
     
    yak
  19. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    Content problems aside (Super!Seals, 10-tailed-beast!Naruto, Medic-while-still-Jinchuuriki!Naruto), this piece is phenomenally well written. How the hell does this still have 3 stars? The pacing is slow, but I happen to like that as a contrast to the rest of the fandom which seems to use Naruto as an adrenaline high. I do fear that the author hasn't really thought this story through, and it trying to buy time with the maze scene, which is poorly constructed.

    I understand all of the characters' motivations, I think she's managed to present a credible Fem!Naruto, I like what she's doing with her OCs, I like how she's made the ninja world feel very real and functional; in short, there are a lot of things going right in this story.

    There are plenty of minor problems in the grammar, but the writing is strong enough I simply nod at them as they pass by. Likewise, I'm a little dubious about some of the plot choices (Baby!Hanzo, raised by Fem!Mommy!Naruto? Um.) but this piece very clearly deserves 4 stars just on the quality of the prose alone. This is as enjoyable as the first few chapters of Team 8 were, until Viridian began hurping and durping all over his keyboard. Here's hoping this 'Sythe' doesn't follow the same path.
     
  20. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    It isn't in the Library because despite the author doing some new things very well, the flaws are glaring.

    We've got standards at DLP. Grammar is not optional. Tis Femina won't get into the Library like that. The plot is progressing at a snail's pace. The characters' motivations are not obvious, as Zombie pointed out. I'm surprised that you think they are. When we add those flaws to the generally bad taste of the author, especially in regards to how he portrays the issue of being in a female body... it almost seems to be a caricature of womanhood, I hope you can see why this isn't worthy of the Library.

    That last chapter being a real dud didn't help Tis Femina's case either. I'll keep on reading it to see if the author can surprise me, but as far as DLP's standards are concerned, this fic is at the level of the Recycling Bin.
     
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2010
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