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WIP What the Storm Brings by InfinitIsh - T - ASOIAF

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Andrela, Jul 26, 2015.

  1. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Title/Link: What the Storm Brings
    Author: InfinitIsh
    Genre: Drama/Angst
    Rated: Fiction T
    Chapters: 5
    Words: 16,161
    Updated: July 5, 2015
    Published: April 30, 2015
    Status: Work in Progress
    Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire

    Summary: AU: Stannis Baratheon raises Daenerys Targaryen from infancy and nothing is ever the same again.

    Stannis arrives at Dragonstone earlier and manages to capture Dany and Viserys. However, he refuses to kill them and promises their mother to take care of them.

    Even though there are only 5 chapters, the updates are frequent enough. I like the premise and the characterizations, so no complaints there.

    Stannis is always fun to read about, so I like that too.

    I always wanted to see an AU where Dany is influenced by Melisandre and while she hasn't appeared yet, I suspect she will eventually.

    All in all, a nice fic.

    4/5
     
  2. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Location:
    Australia
    I read the first two chapters, but couldn't gather up enough enthusiasm to continue. The author doesn't write first person perspective well. His characters' thoughts seem unnatural and forced, especially when it's pushing the author's Robert Baratheon hate. There's plenty of Bobby bashing in the first two chapters that I read.

    There are five chapters of prologue and none of the story proper. It's too soon to judge What the Storm Brings on the merit of its plot, but I think there's enough here to know that I won't like the writing regardless of how exceptional the plot may turn out to be. The first two chapters of prologue were boring enough that when I rapidly skimmed chapter five I was unsurprised to find it more of the same boring introspection with little plot or charm to engage the reader's interest.

    The author's English is rough. This is the first sentence: "Dragonstone was an ancient fortress, built by the long-forgotten crafts of Valyria in the mouth of the elusive Dragonmont volcano."

    Dragonstone wasn't built by crafts, it was built with them. The fortress isn't in the mouth of the volcano, but on its face, ie. its slope. How can a volcano be elusive? Perhaps it hides behind other volcanoes and then sneaks off to Mordor when you're not looking.

    That was just the first sentence.

    2/5 because it's boring and the characterisations are terrible, but the premise is alright and the author is stretching his legs with the writing style.
     
  3. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Minister of Magic

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    I stopped once I got to Jon Arryn's point of view.
    him being so wishy-washy annoyed me. I could understand maybe a sentence about it, but Jon just went on and on about how horrified he was at what Robert was becoming and the brutal murders of Elia Martell and her children- like yeah, that was pretty horrible, but the Robert bashing was so over the top

    I would say 3/5 overall because it's pretty okay writing, aside from some very awkwardly worded sentences- but I can't stand the story.
     
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