Well I have finally decided to give it a shot at writing a fan fiction.

Be scared, be very scared!

I failed English horribly in school, mainly because I did not show up for class haha. But in saying that I would have failed anyway; Maths was easily my strong point.

So here I am a couple hours later. I've written 1k words on an opening chapter for a story. It has taken me around three hours to write that 1k words, that is how bad my English is. However I have gone over it a lot so I am hoping it is half-decent quality, especially compared to some fictions out there. I am hoping it will become easily to write once I am use to writing, for now its friggin hard. All in all I am proud of myself


Anyway, I need a lot of help. One thing that is really bugging me at the moment is how to split up speech and paragraphs. Most instances I am doing fine (I believe) but sometimes I don't know whether or not to start a new line for speech or not. Especially when it is a spell being cast.

Here is an example of what I am talking about:


--

Pointing his wand at the hazel-eyed baby, he casts “Avada Ked-“ cutting off the spell he notices the Gryffindor decor again; it is grating on his nerves all of the sudden. Looking at the baby again...
--


I think I was taught at school any speech had to be started on a new line. However it would be weird to put that on a line by itself. i.e. like this


--
Pointing his wand at the hazel-eyed baby, he casts

“Avada Ked-“

he cuts off the spell as he notices the Gryffindor decor again; it is grating on his nerves all of the sudden. Looking at the baby again...
--


Can anyone help? It is probably something simple, it's just annoying me.
I wasn't lying when I said I didn't show up to class haha. I missed most off my senior English classes. I could go on like a lot of authors just writing what pops out of my head, but I want to at least attempt to make my fan fiction half-decent quality. I am currently reading the How to Write Dialogue sticky, but if anyone knows any good articles on writing stories it would be much appreciated if you link them please.

Especially if they are stories on how to make your dialogue interesting, and when to realize it drags on. I think my story is interesting, but it is my story and I know what I am writing about haha so I am biased.

 

My first recommendation would be to lose the present tense. Past is much easier for a beginning writer, I feel.

Your problem here isn't really whether or not to go to a new line on the speech (you remember correctly, by the way. New speech = new line). The problem is that the whole sentence is messed up in many ways, which then creates the problem of the speech.

This could be avoided with a few changes: change the tense, shift to more "tell" and less "show", change the vocabulary ("all of a sudden" is a very childish turn of phrase), change the ordering (the problem is partly created by having "he casts" before the speech rather than after, which again links into the tense issue).

If I were to write it, I would do it something like this:

 

You don't need to make it a direct quotation.

Actually making a quote for every word that gets spoken in a story can often be counterproductive. Saying that two people "exchanged pleasantries" is far quicker than actually quoting them saying hello. In HP, the same often applies to spells. Describing what is happening is better than just showing the incantation, and moves the story along faster.

EDIT: Taure's right, it's not a great line either, but that's a different discussion.

 

Thanks guys. Another small thing. When a Death Eater refers to Voldemort as my lord, in speech should it have a capital?

"Yes My Lord, sorry My Lord."

or

"Yes my lord, sorry my lord."

 

Not entirely sure, but I would go for "my Lord".

 

When it comes to reverential titles like that you always capitalise. Describing someone as a lord (such as 'the lord of the manor') is not capitalised while the opposite (such as 'Lord Voldemort' and 'yes, my Lord') are.

 

I was browsing Waterstone's last week and saw a fairly large collection of guides and various books about writing and style.

It had some interesting books which covered exactly those issues - structure, when to capitalize and when not, indirect or direct storytelling, etc. There were 3 or 4 that were basically "handbooks" which seemed pretty nice - except they were like 15-25 £. One was called "How Not To Write A Novel" which is more oriented towards style, plot, dialogues. Others, whose title I forgot, were basically survivor's practical handbook for writing.

You might want to check them out next time you go to a library or book store. Internet's all great and whatever, but when it comes to studying or learning something, it can't beat a hard paper book.

Edit: Another advice - if you want to get better, you have to read more. Not only fanfictions, or a specific genre. The better authors you read, the better writer you come.

 

"The Elements of Style" is the classic text on the subject, can be found in any book store, and will fit in your back pocket.

I really should consult mine more often.

 

I'm taking AP English this year and that's one of our books. So that at least tells you how well-recommended that is. But I don't like what it says about their view of the passive voice. I love the passive voice, and see no reason not to use it. I hate it when my spellchecker says I have to "correct" something by taking it out of the passive voice. As long as one is not excessive, such a stance on perfectly reasonable grammar makes no sense to me. Perhaps someone would explain if I'm wrong here.

 

Use it as a drink coaster. You'll always have it handy.

Regarding Taure's comment on present tense, it's a perfectly acceptable choice, provided you're willing to lose half your readers before the third paragraph. (And yes, I do know this from experience. I've even had readers petition for Dagger and Rose to be pulled from ff.net because of complaints about the tense).

Edit: @Afrojack: Active voice tends to make writing more brisk and come alive. With passive voice, shit happens to the actor; with active, the actor does shit. Excessive use of passive voice lends writing the feel of a plot summary or research article. While active voice is generally superior, passive voice has its uses. I fall into passive voice on occasion to slow down tempo in a passage or to amplify that someone is not in control of their actions.