1. Another story competition is beginning! (Q1 2018)

    "You're bleeding on my floor."

    We've moved to a quarterly format, so you really have no excuse not to participate this time.

    So check out the new thread discussing scoring, rules, and other such matters in the in the Story Competitions forum and get cracking.

    Dismiss Notice

WIP Broken Empire by Master Arminas -T- Star Wars

Discussion in 'Star Wars' started by ray243, Jan 3, 2013.

  1. ray243

    ray243 Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2009
    Messages:
    206
    Title: Broken Empire
    Author: Master Arminas
    Rating: Unrated
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Star Wars
    Link: http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/star-wars-broken-empire.221410/
    Link: https://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=154573


    Summary: An AU story about one competent Imperial Moff craving out an empire after the Imperial defeat at Endor.

    Since another user asked me to put this up for review, I think I should create a thread and see how people think of this fanfic. It's a pretty decent story, but it suffers from being rather slow pace when it comes down to plot progress.

    Furthermore, the protagonist is so competent that there is no major threat to him so far. Nonetheless, it is still a pretty decent story for a Star Wars fan.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2013
  2. Rayndeon

    Rayndeon Professor

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Messages:
    465
  3. Ayreon

    Ayreon Unspeakable DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2006
    Messages:
    764
    Location:
    Germany
    Since it's a military sci-fi story from the spacebattles forum, I have to ask:

    Is there any character development in the story? Or is it just a lot of information about ranks, hierarchy, numbers of ships and troops and the power output of star destroyers?

    Does it have (a) main character(s)?
     
  4. ray243

    ray243 Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2009
    Messages:
    206
    So far? Not that much, hence my reservation of recommending this fic. While I personally do not think that this story might end up in the library, some readers might like it enough to put it in a recycling bin.

    Yes and a few interesting supporting characters that weren't well fleshed out so far.

    The main character have yet to encounter any major challenge to his rule and desire so far, as any possible threat is largely nullified by the competence of Moff Patrice.

    It is not as if the author nerfed any established character in any way. Most of the EU characters in Star Wars were so bably written that any competent governor/general/admiral can pose a serious threat to the galaxy. However, this also meant you would have to raise the bar for any antagonistic character if you want the story to be good.

    I'll give this story 3/5 Stars at the most.
     
  5. Mutton

    Mutton Auror

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2011
    Messages:
    699
    It's a decent timewaster milfi, but not much above your standard beer and pretzel. It's the fanfiction equivalent to The Lost Fleet; absolutely nothing special with exceptionally dumb characters who are there to make the main character look smart and dashing. Way too much of what Ayreon said as well.