WIP I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - by Kathryn518 - M - HP/SW

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Revlisflow, Jan 15, 2017.

  1. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    I dunno man, I'd rate Noodlehammer way, way above this fic in it's current state. Noodlehammer at least gets shit done.
     
  2. Effulgent Dawn

    Effulgent Dawn First Year

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    I agree with the posters before me: this fic is at best a guilty pleasure, and at worst a huge waste of 300,000 words. We do need more quality HP/SW crossovers, but quality shouldn't be thrown to the wayside for them.
     
  3. syed

    syed Supermod

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    I have this epic way to mess with both the sith and Jedi. Use the resurrection to make animated portraits of master force users through out galactic history. Then send them to the temple. Let the lord of chaos rule.
     
    Oz
  4. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Seventh Year

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    Well, this fic is more passively annoying as a waste of potential. Noodlehammer is antagonistically annoying. Beyond the eccentric nonsense of this story's Harry I can also still see the substance of the canon character. Noodlehammer's Harry is a complete personality replacement.
     
  5. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

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    And this Harry isn't a personality replacement?
     
  6. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

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    Had to review since I read a lot of this story awhile back. Perhaps the biggest obstacle for even becoming something I could read when bored is the constant Jedi-bashing. The stupid harem I can deal with, but I feel like the author has to include some paragraph or more of Harry bitching/snarking about the Jedi.

    While I don't think Harry would approve of all their ideals, I think he'd understand that they are at least trying to do good. This story takes the dislike to a whole new realm of pathetic.
     
  7. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Seventh Year

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    As I said I see still see parts of the original character attributes in this one. But I don't say this one is a quality read though.
     
  8. Indrik

    Indrik First Year

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    That's the influence of the co-author plums. He has some sort of irrational, pathological hatred of the Jedi Order.

    Personally, I think the two exacerbate the existing bad habits of each other as authors. Plums favors 'competent', powerful, but judgmental Harry Potters, whereas kathryn writes powerful but emotionally/mentally unstable HPs with a penchant for drama. Both seem to like harem stories. The combination is as you see before you, made worse by their pattern of pre-writing multiple chapters before releasing at most one or two a year. This allows for increased self-indulgence as their tendencies feed on each other without external review, not that FFn provides much in the way of useful critique.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2017
  9. Johnnyseattle

    Johnnyseattle Auror DLP Supporter

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    As soon as I saw Plums' name attached at one point, I was pretty much done with wondering what direction this story was going to go. It's a cool idea, and there are some good concepts, but they're both authors that if you've read one story by them, you've read them all. Meh/5.
     
  10. Hymsicality

    Hymsicality Second Year

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    ^ I'd offer a bit of a defense to plums. At least in his story the characters actually get around to fucking. This is just insanity, if things continue like this it'll literally be as long as the entirety of the LOTR before anything happens.

    Also I feel the comparison with noodle hammer has its validity, both author's get reaaally preachy at points in their story; kathryn about her perceived hypocrisy of characters and noodle about how grimdark/edgelord/hypocritical/meaningless everyone and everything is/
     
  11. momo

    momo Second Year

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    This is a story with not much plot but humor readily available. If you are looking for character development and a good overriding arch, this is not the story for you.

    However if you enjoy super!harry and are looking for a laugh, go for it.

    2/5
     
  12. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    Wtf kind of story is marked as Romance and the main characters haven't even kissed after 320k words?

    1/5
     
  13. Hero of Stupidity

    Hero of Stupidity Villain of Sensibility Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm going to be in the minority but I like it. kathryns only fic I like, but I like it. Mostly because her speeches about the Jedi order. She voices most of my pet peeves for the SW universe.

    4/5
     
  14. Blundo

    Blundo Second Year

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    If Star Wars fics in general have a 1% chance of being good (probably far too generous, but let's go with that), any Star Wars fanfic with a Twilek or Togruta waifu for the main character brings those odds down to .0000001%. Both at the same time? 0% flat. I personally guarantee that there never has been and never will be a good fanfic of that kind.

    It's not entirely clear why these two species in particular are so appealing to a certain variety of bad writer (the correlation between Togruta/Twilek waifus and cringeworthy indy-Harry style anti-Jedi speeches is especially notable), but the evidence is there. I don't like to stereotype by chalking it up to stunted social development and a lack of success with human women/men in real life, but if the shoe fits...

    In any case, this fic does not prove me wrong.

    2/5 if only because it's actually recognizable as English.
     
  15. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

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    It is beyond blatant. I have no knowledge of the authors, so I'll take your word on it.
    I don't mind Harry having some issues with the Jedi Order, since like I said, I believe Harry would have problems with some of their teachings. The whole love thing, as an example. That particular point is like the complete opposite of Harry's own experiences. His own ability to rally people -- and creatures -- to his side because he genuinely cares, like with Dobby, Kreacher and the House Elves. Dumbledore calls it love, but I think it is much more complicated than that, but you get what I mean.

    The thought that people teach children to suppress that feeling, though? Yeah, I think he'd have a problem with that.

    But does it have to be said, chapter after chapter, more than once sometimes, over and over and over again? It feels like as soon as the Jedi are mentioned, he falls into a trance and has to point out why they are bad, they are really bad, bad bad bad bad!

    It is ridiculous.

    The harem shit is typical harem shit. Not sure why he needed two wives or whatever in the past. Now he has some alien babes. At this point, I can ignore this sort of stuff if the story is good enough elsewhere.
    Jon could have given us the Ahsoka we need, perhaps not the one that community deserves, though.

    Rest in peace, wizard lekku.
     
  16. Rincasta

    Rincasta Squib

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    Personally I don't care if Harry is completely out of character because I'm more attached to the world and his powers than to the little orphan himself. But, that is irrelevant when the new personality is just hot garbage like this.

    Listen if anybody has the fortitude to slog through every chapter of this then I'd also wager on them being stubborn enough to climb Everest in a pair of Speedos, because this is just plain bad.

    1/5
     
  17. kathryn_518

    kathryn_518 Squib

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    As the author of this fic, I was directed to DLP as it might offer feedback to my stories.

    I've read through the posts, and some of you have valid points and are things I am trying to work on.

    I'm sorry many of you don't like the personalities or dynamics or interactions. Truthfully the dynamics and interactions aren't likely going to change. I enjoy writing those.


    Yes, Harry would have broken his neck if someone had kicked the soapbox he was standing on at various points. He's also not received a punch in the gut that is going to happen. (And no. Palpatine doesn't suddenly become an expert at magic)


    No, I don't have a great grasp of pacing. It's something I struggle with quite a bit. I'm working on it, but have a tendency to want to analyze everyone all the time about everything. I also try to write about down time. About how characters develop, so they're not abruptly moved from point A to point B. So figuring out what is necessary and what isn't... is harder for me.

    If anyone has any sort of... you know... actual constructive advice, I'm always more than happy to listen.


    Thanks for the insight.
     
  18. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Don't ever apologize for writing things you enjoy. Despite our complaints we're still reading along, so you have to be doing something right despite them. Your 4k reviews for 15 chapters definitely says that you have an audience who enjoys your work, even if we're on the more critical side of it.

    Thank fuck. One of my biggest pet peeves is a villain in a crossover suddenly gaining competency at a new skillset with no applicable reason besides giving them a power boost to match the protag.


    I often have that issue when I write as well. Writing interactions between characters can be fun and refreshing, and is often at the expense of progression within a narrative.

    Within the confines of fanfiction we have a few options for how to deal with it due to the non-rigid nature of the medium.

    1. Set a word amount for the amount of character interaction a scene can contain vs how much further it progresses the plot.

    2. Split the story contents to have a side story focusing on the interactions, rather than burdening the main story you're trying to tell, allowing you and your readers to have your cake and eat it.

    This results in the main story moving at a quicker pace within itself, whilst also providing an outlet for the character interactions.

    It takes a good type of character for an author to be able to come onto DLP after we've been mean to a story and not lash out. So I'm more than open to providing proper advice for you—as will many of the others I am more than certain, if you're genuinely interested in it.
     
  19. Donimo

    Donimo Seventh Year

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    Make all your chapters <10k words. It will help with your pacing issues.

    Your fics are so frustrating because they have a lot of potential that is always squandered.
     
  20. Johnnyseattle

    Johnnyseattle Auror DLP Supporter

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    I think the glaring thing with it, as has been aptly covered here, is the need to just get on with it - with everything. My two points of contention, if you were going to change anything, would be:

    -The hatred Harry has for the Jedi makes this a borderline bashing fic. Never a good thing, in these parts at least. Either label it as such, or have one last rant and move on.

    -If they're eventually going to bang, let's have it already. As I said before, this was where I knew it was going as soon as Plums' name came up - a gazillion words about the tension, and blueballs the size of grapefruits. If this was where you were going to go with it too, then write what you want and all, but as you can see, I'm definitely not the only one thinking this.

    You said it yourself there, you like to write more about downtime and personal dynamics/interactions - I have seen a lot (a LOT) of stories, and know that there are plenty of people that love that stuff, and love the way you're doing it. Hey, if that's what you want to do, then it's your story, and that's cool. Obviously you're making someone happy - 4k reviews on this alone means someone loves it. This just happens to be a very particularly niche-y corner of the fanfiction world, and it's one of the few places where this type of stuff isn't going to be as well-received as others.

    You've got perfectly good writing skills, there are practically no grammatical or punctuation flubs, it's a cool premise, and the action is quite enjoyable. But as soon as we get any time with just the characters interacting, I just want to skip it all. Can't please everyone, and you'll make yourself miserable trying to. I'm still going to read whatever you put out, because the rest of it is pretty cool (well, unless it's the twilight fic, a man has to have a line he won't cross), but I'll grumble about the parts I mentioned. :)