Fandom: Star Wars
Title: One Missed Strike, Part I
Author: Davin Sunrider
Rating: T
Genre: Drama/ Scifi
DLP Category: Other Fandoms
Chapters: 9
Status: Complete
Summary: In an alternate universe, the duel at Mustafar ended differently, and the galaxy took a divergent path as a result: Darth Vader is the Emperor, the Death Star does not exist, and Luke Skywalker knows exactly where he came from.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4837231/1/One-Missed-Strike-Part-I



I give this a 4/5. I think it was great but it could have been more realistic. It shouldn't of been that easy for Anakin to take over the Empire.

 

Shouldn't this be in the Other Fandoms rec thread?

 

Yes, can a Mod move it please?

 

OP, it might help if you put the fandom in the thread title, so we know just what the hell we're clicking on. Also, a little more than "I give this a 4/5" for your review would be nice, for the same reason. The rules thread is your friend.

Will review after reading.

EDIT: Okay, so I've read the first story in the series. By SW fandom standards it barely even rates a "Meh" in terms of quality. Grammatically, the author does pretty well, with the exception incorrectly or awkwardly used words and phrases that come across as obvious and failed attempts at sounding flowery and intelligent. Dialogue is often stilted and awkward, but not much more so than in the actual movies, so I guess I can't complain too much about that.

Darth Vader's takeover of the then-day-old Empire lacks any semblance of believability, and was simplistic to the point of being face-palm worthy. Vader's philosophy is little more than a slight variation on the overused and boring Potentium viewpoint of there being no light or dark sides to the Force, which is roughly the SW fandom's equivalent to those obnoxious "Dark Magic is just misunderstood!" cliches in the HP fandom.

The author consistently displays what can only be either a serious lack of confidence in his/her abilities, or simply laziness in sticking ridiculously close to the canon storyline, even when it makes little-to-no sense to do so. And those action scenes that mknote is gushing about? Yes, they're well written in terms of pacing and grammar, but when you stop for a second to think about them, they just don't make much sense. For example, take a look at these little gems from the alternate Battle of Yavin:

Yes, you read that correctly. Two fighter-mounted ship-to-ship missiles just took down the shields on the largest and most powerful warship in the galaxy. Because, for some reason, Imperial ship designers are such utter morons that they mount the projectors for their energy shields outside the fucking shields! Why bother even having shields then, if you're going to make it relatively easy for even a single adequately armed single-pilot bomber to cripple your most powerful capital ship?

Then there's this bit from the dogfight between Luke and Vader:

I bolded the important bits there. Think about that for a second. Darth Vader had a moment of such complete stupidity, that he thought jumping his fighter in front of Luke to shake him up with his exhaust was a good idea, then continued to forget that common sense was a thing by maneuvering to stay in front of Luke's X-Wing. You know, the fighter craft with not one, not two, but five ship-to-ship weapons systems all aiming directly forward!

And what was Luke's solution? Was it the most blatantly obvious one of simply squeezing the trigger while the Dark Lord of the Sith was so bound and determined to stay right in his gun sights? No, for some reason he dropped his brain and decided the only safe place he could be was right in front of Vader's guns instead. He then has the gall to inwardly whine about the X-Wing's lack of rear-facing weaponry! You know why it has no rear-facing weaponry? 'Cause the designers thought the people piloting their ships would have at least a three-year-old's grasp of how weapons work, and would take the fucking shot when the enemy is right in front of you!

With all that in mind, I'd rate this a 2/5. Actually, make that a 1/5 for including anything from those fucking stupid Force Unleashed games.

 

Oh, holy fuck, yes. I've spent the last day or so reading the hell out of this story and I love it. It has great writing, wonderful action scenes, and Thrawn being generally awesome (as usual).

What the OP doesn't mention is that this is merely the first of four stories covering the original trilogy and then fast-forwarding to the NJO era. The second story follows ESB as closely as the first does ANH, but the third is totally different from RotJ. The fourth story is currently in progress, and it's shaping up to be a very interesting take on the Vong invasion. It also has several side vignettes that I haven't read yet, but I'm sure they are just as good.

Overall, it's an easy 5/5 from me. It's one of the hidden gems that makes me glad to be a part of DLP, 'cause I never would have found it otherwise.

 

One Missed Strike Part II

Fandom: Star Wars
Title: One Missed Strike, Part II
Author: Davin Sunrider
Rating: T
Genre: Drama/ Scifi
DLP Category: Other Fandoms
Chapters: 10
Status: Complete
Summary: Emperor Skywalker, obsessed with finding his son, has dispatched thousands of probe droids to all corners of the galaxy. Meanwhile, a small group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker have established a base on the remote world of Hoth...
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5365090/1/One-Missed-Strike-Part-II

I give this 5/5. The author got Anakin's personality to a T. I liked it how Anakin slowly fell his rocker, so to speak.

Edit: Can a Mod change the title to "One Missed Strike Part II by Davin Sunrider - T - Star Wars" please? Thank you.

 

At first, it was simply a blandly written, mediocre story.

So, flatline of mediocrity... then it reverse-spiked in severe shittiness with the parts Othalan quoted.

2/5. Maybe. 1/5? Because this shit is fucking painful. You'd think that not reading much Star Wars fanfiction would let you enjoy lower-quality stories, but that's not the case.

Maybe DLP needs to start making its presence known in Star Wars, just to show how it's done. You think Star Wars would be such a massive fandom that it would've naturally evolved a DLP-equivalent capable of writing great stories, but apparently not.

 

You'd think, wouldn't you? But no, the closest thing to DLP Star Wars ever got was a smattering of Empire-wank sites, with the occasional wangsty "Sith are sooo UBER!!11!" circle-jerk thrown in.

It's just disappointing as hell.

 

Just finished this part. I've gotta say, it's got nothing of interest. Really, the plot's just ANH with the Alderaanian palace instead of the Death Star for a rescue, and the Executor substituting for an obstacle at the end. The palace switch might have been acceptable (at least there's some extra characters involved in that sequence), but seeing a SSD crippled by thirty fighters is beyond silly, however temporary a setback it was.

Also, the "big twist" at the end I saw coming as soon as it was hinted that there'd be a twist i.e., halfway through. The one thing I'll grant this author is that he at least gets the universe well enough, but that alone would only give this story a 3/5 from me. However, there's the fact that he included, however briefly, the canon-raping abomination known as Starkiller. Everything that asshole touches turns to crap, so I've gotta deduct an extra half-star for that. 2.5/5, rounded to 3 only because there doesn't seem to be an Other Fandoms Trash Bin.

 

Read this and the rest of the series. The first two especially are basically canon rehash, and, as Othalan said, the rehash is often lazy and/or unnecessary. It's an interesting concept, but only mediocre execution.

Starting around the end of the second story, it begins to jump the shark when

Spoiler

Vader and Luke resurrect Padme, then fight 31 Sith (Starkiller included) to the death and do it again. Also, dimension-hopping in the fourth story.

I'll give it a generous 3/5. It's moderately well-written and makes for an ok guilty pleasure read, but that's about it.

 

EDIT:

I merged both parts and moved them into the recyclin bin - based on the rating.

 

This was a bit of a fun read, although based on the series as a whole. The thing about this story that I loved is Vader winning the duel on Mustafar(with Obi-Wan actually surviving), never getting put in the suit, killing Palpatine, and becoming Emperor. That whole part and idea by itself is amazing and unique, but at many times poorly executed.

The first major one is Vader using his kids to try to resurrect Padme and fight tons of Sith and Starkiller(who is actually really cool in this). People might also list the interdimentional jumping as a problem, but I actually found that to be pretty interesting and somewhat unique(although I absolutely hated the author's imagination of a world in which Anakin does not turn to the dark side and Mara marries Starkiller). Another problem is some of the plot twist the authors tries sometimes vary from very well done to truly terrible.

Still I had fun reading the whole thing and I may reread it sometime in the future if I get bored. I suppose that's all that really matters in the end. Whether I would reread it. So I give it a 4/5 for originality and for it being re-readable.