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WIP The Merging by Shaydrall - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by dhulli, Jan 30, 2014.

  1. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    As worn out the idea is I thought the way its implemention wasn't bad. The character doesn't come over as yet another human but as something different. I skipped over the horrible romance soap parts of the last chapter though.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2014
  2. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Implementation is everything. Jim Butcher managed an alright way of doing it in First Lord's Fury, where Alera herself makes an appearance.
     
  3. 0jordinio0

    0jordinio0 Seventh Year

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    Ugh, I held out my rating this long. I was hoping he'd salvage the story with this new chapter but no. He ruined it even further. 1/5 and only because I can't rate any lower.
     
  4. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    It's not serious. As crack goes, it's ok.
     
  5. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    My review from FF.Net:

     
  6. Jazerus

    Jazerus First Year

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    I generally agree with Taure's review above - seems to hit all of the salient points - but it's more of a 4 for me. The sheer volume of cliches indicates to me that part of what Shaydrall is trying to do with this fic is create a well-written and coherent story using all of these ideas that are normally the subject of, well, Almost Recommended stories, so I don't feel that I can knock any points off just because they're there...even if a few are still too silly.

    The prose is pretty far above average for fanfiction. It's compelling and the dialogue is fun. It's definitely for people who enjoy "normal Hogwarts stuff" over fights and big, dramatic events, though.

    Also, Churchey, I don't think you imagined Harry's personality changes being the results of the Merging. A careful reading yields a number of hints in that direction beyond Harry going nuts on the Slytherins.
     
  7. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    So this updated with a fairly long and substantial chapter. An interesting twist occurs. The chapter does end on a cliffhanger, though, which is a strange choice for a fic updating so rarely.
     
  8. anvyl

    anvyl Third Year

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    TBH i'm not sure what to make of this chapter. It just feels like such a turn around for no good reason.
     
  9. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

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    What chapters were the dimension travel? Is this the story where there was an AU Harry who was just straight up better than him in every way?

    I think I'm going to wait for like 5 more chapters before I read any new updates next time. The story's really well written but at times it feels like it's just a stitched together version of a lot of common fanfic tropes and I have difficulty remembering what's actually unique about it.
     
  10. John1057

    John1057 Squib

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    So the au chapter is just one single chapter, and it's basically Harry gets a look at a universe where Neville is the BWL. Some events are closer to canon where the ministry fight is a cluster-fuck of underage kids and the order trying to save them, but because Neville isn't a parslemouth because shadrall has made it hereditery only (spoilers, lily is parselmouth), Neville never entered the CoS.

    As far as AU harry goes, it's definitely not OP, he's just different. Been raised with both his parents so is a little James 2.0, spoiled, larger because he wasn't starved as a kid, and a bit of a pretentious jackass. Generally an average teenager with well to do parents.

    The chapter is interesting in that it basically serves to hold a mirror to main Harry's life so far, in that he gets some closure on his parents, gets to see what he would have been like with parents and siblings, and gets to see a glimpse of the family he never had. It's a cliche plot device, and further provides evidence that shadrall is trying to use these cliche's in a coherent story.
     
  11. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Seventh Year

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    This whole Bellatrix subplot is ridiculous and the one with Tonks isn't any better. It felt more like sabotage but then the whole story has never been that coherent.
     
  12. Probellum

    Probellum Death Eater

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    Am I the only one who found a lot of the scenes with Tonks in this chapter just rather...i don't know, flat? Like, one of the few things I can say this fic has going for it is the character interactions and I've always enjoyed the Harry-Tonks Scenes especially, but here they just all didn't really leave any impact despite the 'twists.'
     
  13. Ghosthree3

    Ghosthree3 Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    The choice with Tonks seemed almost a bit forced. Like the story needed to advance and this was one of the ways with the least effort the author could think of to do it. It also sets up guaranteed word count drama later on.

    Overall still really enjoying the story though.
     
  14. Trig

    Trig Auror

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    Just updated.

    What a fucking terrible chapter.
     
  15. Zel

    Zel Professor

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    You thought so? I liked his twists in the cave, and Dumbledore's voice was well done for once. The Merlin part was kinda cringey though, and Tonks' scenes weren't that good either. Overall it was average.
     
  16. Miner

    Miner High Inquisitor

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    For me, the cliffhanger from last chapter REALLY didn't deliver, and the way Stella's background is introduced...

    I also don't understand where Harry is getting the time to take on all these side projects. Like rescuing Stella, keeping Narcissa company, dating Tracey... Like wtf does the dude not sleep or something?

    Honestly a lot of this chapter felt like it came out of the blue for no reason. Especially the Sirius thing, I was totally blindsided by that one. I thought he'd have just left Grimmauld or something, not be possessed by the locket. Honestly wasn't expecting it, and the way it was told didn't impress.

    It wasn't fucking terrible, but, well, I'm kinda disappointed. The fic doesn't update very often and this wasnt its best chapter. I'm not really looking forward to another year-long wait. :/
     
  17. Download

    Download Supreme Mugwump DLP Supporter

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    I saw this had updated and I just have no interest reading any more. I can't remember what happened in the last chapter because its been so long and this new chapter is fucking huge (17K+ words!).

    Maybe in the future I'll go back and reread the last few chapters but for now I'm not interested.
     
  18. Ghosthree3

    Ghosthree3 Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    This is kind of how I'm feeling. I sort of want to read it but I barely remember what happened last, I even went back to the last chapter and read the end (rang some bells) but I don't remember it enough really.
     
  19. frenzynator

    frenzynator Squib

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    So that wasn't just me. I had assumed that I missed it/didn't remember since it's been so long since the last update that it was more likely that I had simply forgotten what was going on with each of the characters in the fic.

    Didn't feel like it was too bad though, I thought the scene set in the cave was alright. The update has happened after a very long time though, and there's nothing in the note about updates being more regular from now or not, so will likely forget again what was going on before the next update.
     
  20. 18E

    18E Squib

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    The problem with this fic, as has been noted, is inconsistency in every element. From hiding things from the reader that we should know based on the POV, to suddenly shifting us towards another POV to let us in on backstory, it's telling. The author has a plot in mind but isn't skilled enough to advance it without unnecessary subterfuge, while at the same time writing in enough back doors to change their mind if they want.

    That COULD be a good thing, but I constantly find myself thinking, "why the hell do I care?" The fake out fridging of Tonks actually made me interested, but we HAVE to be let known it is only a plot device. How else will Harry have 90 girls to choose from? The abundance of choices and directions that the author has plotted for Harry detract from the story simply because the reader has been trained that nothing matters, everyone is a plot device.

    That being said its not a bad read, as it has a coherent flow despite itself. The overloading of cliches seems quite intentional, and the character interactions are well done. It's an easy 3/5 that could end at a 4/5 if the author picks a track and sticks to it to end the story.