WIP Traveler by The Straight Elf - T - Pokemon

Discussion in 'Games' started by MonkeyEpoxy, Apr 14, 2013.

  1. crimson sun06

    crimson sun06 Unspeakable

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    I was a little disappointed with this one. The first battle of any consequence in a while and it fell short of expectations compared to what we saw in the tournament and before it.

    Still this chapter had its moments. The morbidity of Sneasel's actions and
    Metagross' mega-evolution among them
    I wanted to like Jacqueline, but she just felt like the Catwoman to Steven's Batman. Her success will depend on how well Straight elf writes her from here on out. I'll be withholding my opinion on her for now.

    All things considered a fairly decent chapter if only for the plot progression which had been stagnating for a while now.
     
  2. Rising galium knight

    Rising galium knight Squib

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    I don't know about you guys but the recent chapter have started to seem quite bland to me. The bit with Daisy Oak was interesting but ever since she left the story's not quite getting on as I would have thought. Kanto arc was interesting as I eagerly waited for the update but Hoenn... When I get an alert that there's an update, the first thought in my mind is let it be interesting this time. Straight Elf goes on and on about training without anything really that may be worthwhile. Amd the last chapter..... Attack on Metagross colony? If it wasn't for my previous commitment to this story and hope that it'll get better I'll have removed it from the alert list at once.
     
  3. Legend3381

    Legend3381 Seventh Year

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    A new chapter was posted recently? I do agree that it is losing some of its pokemon trainer magic. Ash is going to become a part of the pokemon league and that seems to kill the best parts for me; traveling, pokemon training, exploring, etc. Ash's new career choice is a dead end after Hoenn. Ash also has too many self reflecting moments or moments where he is lost in his own thoughts. He is 11/12 not 86 and on his death bed
     
  4. Clerith

    Clerith Supreme Mugwump DLP Supporter

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    No, there was no new chapter, just a necro.

    That said, I did lose most of my interest in the fic when Ash put on his super soldier suit, helmet and started training with melee weapons. I liked the pokemon trainer Ash, I have no interest in the league child soldier Ash.

    Pokemon magic, huh? Much like Harry Potter magic, if you diverge too much from the original source, it can lose its charm. Guess that happened.
     
  5. Gengar

    Gengar Polymagus Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Eh, it lost all its charm for me when I couldn't ignore Ash was still a fucking ten year old any more.

    Age your characters up if you want to make a super serious pokemon fanfiction ffs.
     
  6. thattin

    thattin First Year

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    This really this, plus I find it really hard to buy how his pokemon got so strong so quickly. Ash didn't seem to do any too intense training (or at least nothing which I couldn't see 50+% of people doing) and he seemed to end up stronger than most lifelong trainers.

    If the events of the fic took place over say 5 years I'd find it all much more believable. Training constantly for 6 months, hard but doable for most people. Managing to keep at it for 5 years, a true champion in the making.
     
  7. CleanRag

    CleanRag Groundskeeper

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    New chapter up, and it seems to be dedicated to making Clerith and Hugplx's points for them. The half I read was scene after scene of adults telling Ash that he is to young for combat. Well if that is the case, then maybe ten year olds shouldn't be allowed to join special police forces dedicated to fighting dangerous criminals.

    I will probably finish it later, and continue to follow the story, but this quickly turned into a guilty pleasure at best over the last few chapters.
     
  8. Legend3381

    Legend3381 Seventh Year

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    I read the new chapter and I feel the story has lost the spirit that made it good....I hope it goes back to its roots
     
  9. DerHesse

    DerHesse High Inquisitor

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    I haven't read the new chapter yet and I'm kind wary given the previous comments.

    I loved the start, where the protagonist wasn't some special snowflake and got better through hard work and dedication. Suddenly there were Legendaries and Masters left and right.

    Is there any Kanto-fanfiction where the protagonist is some nobody (camper, youngster, bird keeper, etc.) on some random route starting with a shitty pokemon like Pidgey or Poliwag?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2016
  10. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Alchemist

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    Okay! That's what I'm fuckin talking about! All yall go read about the spell of the unown. Now.
     
  11. Knyght

    Knyght The Chosen One

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    So I just finished re-reading this ridiculously long story and realised that I had never bothered leaving a review. Which is hardly for unusual for me but still. Let's make an effort.

    If it wasn't clear from me reading a story that'll be over a million words once the next chapter is released, I liked this one. Hell, I find the length to be part of the appeal since I prefer having a lot of content to sink my teeth into as long as it's content I want to read.

    I'll get the negative out of the way:

    Ash is young and I'm just not able to forget it. I don't care that the game and anime characters were preteens, the idea of an 11-year old boy traveling the world on his lonesome (his unremarkable companions notwithstanding) is hard to swallow. The longer the story goes on, the more things Ash accomplishes in a relatively short space of time and the more ridiculous it becomes regardless of how smart and talented he is. This has reached its peak in the Hoenn saga where Ash himself is being trained to fight, wearing the League's uniform and getting into life-or-death battles as if he were a soldier. Even the people involved seem to get that it's wrong but they're not actually stopping him, just taking a break.

    It would be so much more enjoyable if Ash had been, like, 15 years old when he left, even if you changed literally nothing else.

    Another thing that bothers me is that I don't actually understand Ash's ultimate goal. He claims that he wants to be a Pokemon Master (not that this comes up much after the early chapters) but I don't think it's ever explained what that means. I can guess how Fire-type Masters or Water-type Masters work but aside from a few mentions here and there, there's no clear-cut explanation on what a Master is and how to become one. The generic "Pokemon Master" is even worse since it's so broad and I don't know what Ash is doing to achieve that goal. He doesn't capture most pokemon he encounters, he studies the pokedex religiously but isn't looking to break new ground and is specifically looking to have a relatively small team.

    If his goal was to become Champion, win a bunch of competitions and badges or just travel the world as a pokemon trainer then I'd get it. He's definitely doing exactly what he needs to do to accomplish that. But I don't have a clue how he's supposed to become a Pokemon Master.

    Finally, I'm iffy on the interpretation of Legendaries. I'm much more used to their role in the games and manga as unique, powerful pokemon but who can ultimately be defeated and captured like any other. Traveler's Legendaries are gods and the idea of catching them is laughable. I've come to appreciate that but, at the same time, they are just so powerful it's almost ridiculous and adapting the movies means they appear a lot.

    But the worst part of the Legendaries is the effect they've had on Ash which has grown increasingly worse as times goes on. I'm so very tired of him feeling Fire/Ice/Lightning inside him or hearing the Song or dealing with Mewtwo's "icy presence" in the back of his head all the damn time. It's annoying and distracting and I just end up skimming right that those segments where nothing of interest happens.

    Legendary battles, at least, are pretty damn awesome.

    Now then, the best aspects of the story for me are the original moves trainers invent, the details of pokemon physiology and the existence of pokemon that surpass the normal expectations of what their species can achieve.

    Original battle techniques may be a dime-a-dozen in Pokemon fanfics for all I know; I could probably count the number I've read on both hands. But seeing something as simple as combining Quick Attack and Wing Attack was an eye-opener for me. I've read the manga which demonstrated techniques being used in unorthodox ways but this took things further where pokemon could use all kinds of unique moves depending on their training. Such as Lance's Earth Wrecker which combines about five moves into one.

    The explanations of pokemon physiology cover the nature of pokemon types like steel or ghost and the specifics of certain species like Beldum/Metang/Metagross. It takes a while for these explanations to appear as The Straight Elf finds his groove but it's interesting to see why poison types are weak to ground types i.e. their earth manipulation can rupture poison sacs which causes internal damage in pokemon. It makes it real instead of just following the game mechanics without.

    And those 'paragons' of pokemon, as you've probably guessed, are the ones such as the King Under the Mountain, the First's Rhydon and the Guardian of the Moon Stone. Creatures that are presumably born like any other pokemon yet grow to stand head and shoulders above the rest of their kind until they are capable of feats that blow the mind. Legendaries are the top dogs but they aren't the only marvels in the world and I like that.

    So yeah, I'm hoping that The Straight Elf continues writing and manages to recapture the story's original appeal because I'd like to follow this to the end.

    It's 4/5 for me regardless. I'm wary that we're going downhill but there's a lot of good here.
     
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